Ex stories

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Ex stories
5
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:18pm
I have been actively OLDing for quite a few years now. I'll take short hiatuses (or hiati???) now and then and I've had a few relationships along the way. The last few dates or relationships I've had have told me awful stories of their ex-wives. Just yesterday one told me that he was hospitalized with a broken leg and his wife of 8 years did not visit him one time. I was dating a guy for a month recently and he told me that his ex (wife of 10 years) tried to poison him and is now manipulating his daughter against him. A guy I dated a couple years ago said his wife had cheated on him repeatedly. Another guy I know is staying with an alcoholic, sex withholder for a wife. A guy I work with has a wife who can't even drive an hour by herself to pick him up at the airport. Why do these guys put up with this stuff for so long? I look at them across the table from me and I think "how do these women get these men and I can't even get one normal one?" I'm serious! I'm a normal gal with a great job, great family and friends, I have my stuff together and I can bring a lot of positive to a relationship. Why do men choose these loser women? And then I think what is wrong with them that they stay? Has anyone else noticed this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:23pm

Well, um, I'm pretty sure you are only hearing one side of the story.

I had to laugh, some of your stories sound like something my ex would say about me. Yes, I didn't want to pick him up at the airport when I knew his girlfriend was flying in with him and was going to drive herself home. Yep, I withheld sex when he cussed at me for failing to do his laundry in a timely fashion.

Two sides to every story! I'm fairly confident that none of these guys is as perfect as he would like to think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:44pm

True. But if you're going to bash your ex all it does is make me wonder why you were with them at all or for that long. Do they not get that?

In the case of the guy I work with I have been able to meet the wife and she is exactly as he described - prima donna and very needy. And rude. But that all comes from severe insecurity and she takes it out on everyone around her - even her kids.

All the men I've met - maybe in the hundreds by now - that have had ex-wives...oh let's just say there are 80 men I've met and they all say something bad about their ex. Of these would you say 100% of them are not being completely accurate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 8:04pm
I think guys do sometimes stay with women way longer than they should, but it's not just a guy thing. I've known a lot of women who are the same way. I'm always amazed at how many women I read about on the boards and know in real life who mention really serious problems that disturb them about their man, and yet they're in the middle of planning a wedding to the guy. I think part of the problem is that people rush into relationships. After a few weeks or a few months, they want to believe they've found the one before they really know the person. It's only later that they start to the flaws in the other person. By that point, it doesn't matter there are other better men or women out there. They're already convinced that this is the one person for them, and that they just have to put up with the other person's flaws. Instead of admitting to apprehensions about the relationship, they tell themselves the problem is with themselves and that they have a fear of commitment. I think some of it is that people are also scared to take a chance on seeing what else is out there. It's more comfortable to stick with the person you already know and are familiar with, even if that person has serious flaws.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 1:56am

My view is that everyone in life makes mistakes, especially in relationships. What I look for is what the other person learned from that and have they changed from that experience? If they blame the OTHER person then I walk away for I believe each party is responsible for their part in the relationship. I listen if they take ownership of their part.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 4:53pm

Yes, Mark, that is the point I'm trying to make. Relationships are never black or white, there are so many shades of gray that no body can ever know the absolute truth.

And I agree, if someone is A) immature enough to blame it all on their ex and B)immature enough not to realize that A is the sign of an immature person and at least PRETEND to take responsibility, then I'll run like hell.