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| Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:18pm |
I have been actively OLDing for quite a few years now. I'll take short hiatuses (or hiati???) now and then and I've had a few relationships along the way. The last few dates or relationships I've had have told me awful stories of their ex-wives. Just yesterday one told me that he was hospitalized with a broken leg and his wife of 8 years did not visit him one time. I was dating a guy for a month recently and he told me that his ex (wife of 10 years) tried to poison him and is now manipulating his daughter against him. A guy I dated a couple years ago said his wife had cheated on him repeatedly. Another guy I know is staying with an alcoholic, sex withholder for a wife. A guy I work with has a wife who can't even drive an hour by herself to pick him up at the airport. Why do these guys put up with this stuff for so long? I look at them across the table from me and I think "how do these women get these men and I can't even get one normal one?" I'm serious! I'm a normal gal with a great job, great family and friends, I have my stuff together and I can bring a lot of positive to a relationship. Why do men choose these loser women? And then I think what is wrong with them that they stay? Has anyone else noticed this?

Well, um, I'm pretty sure you are only hearing one side of the story.
I had to laugh, some of your stories sound like something my ex would say about me. Yes, I didn't want to pick him up at the airport when I knew his girlfriend was flying in with him and was going to drive herself home. Yep, I withheld sex when he cussed at me for failing to do his laundry in a timely fashion.
Two sides to every story! I'm fairly confident that none of these guys is as perfect as he would like to think.
True. But if you're going to bash your ex all it does is make me wonder why you were with them at all or for that long. Do they not get that?
In the case of the guy I work with I have been able to meet the wife and she is exactly as he described - prima donna and very needy. And rude. But that all comes from severe insecurity and she takes it out on everyone around her - even her kids.
All the men I've met - maybe in the hundreds by now - that have had ex-wives...oh let's just say there are 80 men I've met and they all say something bad about their ex. Of these would you say 100% of them are not being completely accurate?
My view is that everyone in life makes mistakes, especially in relationships. What I look for is what the other person learned from that and have they changed from that experience? If they blame the OTHER person then I walk away for I believe each party is responsible for their part in the relationship. I listen if they take ownership of their part.
Mark
Yes, Mark, that is the point I'm trying to make. Relationships are never black or white, there are so many shades of gray that no body can ever know the absolute truth.
And I agree, if someone is A) immature enough to blame it all on their ex and B)immature enough not to realize that A is the sign of an immature person and at least PRETEND to take responsibility, then I'll run like hell.