Is this an example of HJNTIY?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Is this an example of HJNTIY?
18
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:40am

First off, let me preface by saying I had my first meeting and have talked a few times to this guy. So the day after our first meeting, he calls and leaves a message on my answering machine that he's going to be at a nearby cafe in a few hours. The thing is, he left the message for SOMEONE ELSE! IOW, he said "Hi Mary, etc..." when my name is Jayme. So I jokingly emailed him a note saying "ya dialed the wrong number" to which he called me up less than 15 minutes later, explaining that Mary was someone he worked with and I was overreacting. He didn't get the joking tone of my email, because (thanks to you guys) I have learned to truly not get attached to these people (at least for a while, and after they prove themselves to me)... so I truly WAS joking around about it, because let's face it, the guy had a life before my "wink", and honestly, who cares if he's dating someone else or a few others or whatever right now - we had a MEETING.

So anyway, he proceeds to ask me to meet him at the cafe, which I did. Then, he rushes off after only like 15 minutes for an "appointment".

So, how many of you think he was rushing off to meet Mary, since he was in the area?

How many of you think he only asked me to meet him at the cafe to "save face" from saying the wrong name on my answering machine?

I have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and truly believe that he misspoke on the answering machine, and truly believe that he had an appointment. AM I A FOOL!?!?!?!?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:48am
Why, why, why, why did you accept his invitation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:51am

I know it. Because I am a very naive and trusting person. Did you ever see the show "Committed"? Friends have called me up and said that the girl in the show reminds them of me...

So do you think he only asked me to meet him to save face? You do, don't you.

I *need* you guys here. I should have asked to call him back and posted my message before responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:53am

Actually, I think your first thought is the right one. He was trying to call Mary, not you and was trying to save face by inviting you to the cafe and then rushing off. There is nothing wrong with seeing multiple people at this stage, but his actions show a lack of consideration for you AND I think he's lying.

I don't think that it has anythign to do with him not being into you. I think it just shows poor time and data management skills and that he can't keep all his women straight.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:56am
Oh yeah - and also, he is a jerk. NEXT! this one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:57am

Is it a "dumpworthy" type of inconsiderate action? Because he called and asked me out for Friday night and I said I have to get back to him.... Then again, he asked me out for late (dancing) - could be a dinner date with Mary. Then again, WHO CARES at this point about that.

But is that sort of mixeup a keeper still?

Pass on it or accept it?

Or accept it for now but move on if it keeps happening...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:58am
okay. thanks, thought so. Ignore that last message!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:00pm

city gal, I'm on your side. So I'm just going to outline the points that flew out at me from your original post:

a) He told you that you were over reacting (never never say that to a woman)

b) He got caught in an embarassing (to him) situation and fumbled his way out of it by:

c) second-place inviting you out and, after saying he had a couple of hours to spare, running off after 15 minutes; and

d) there's always something about Mary, isn't there?

:):)

Advice: don't worry about it, these things happen. Just because you maybe acted a tad foolishly does NOT make you a fool. We all learn about life as we go along, right?

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:03pm
He sounds more "curb" worthy to me. vex has nailed it, in fewer words than I used! -- he can't keep his women (plural) straight! Tacky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:10pm

You're not a fool... but I'm with AmJay and Vexer. You should move on to NEXT!

When seeing more than one person at a time, these kinds of things do happen- but to bail on a gal after just 15 minutes is, IMO, unacceptable. He definitely had something else going on. Why would someone who's into you (and he did ask for another date) bail after that short a time period, unless they had already told you ahead of time they had something very pressing?

No, you gotta go NEXT on this one. His actions are too criss-crossy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:21pm
Definitely. I think the proper thing to do would have been to own up to it and say "yes, I'm sorry, I mixed up your number with someone else's. I feel like a real jerk but would you like to go out with me Friday night?". To invite you to meet him and then bail after 15 minutes was really rude. He shouldn't have asked you to meet him then if he had any intention of meeting someone else. If he'd really had an appointment, he shouldn't have aksed you over without warning you that he would have to leave quickly. I really think it was a move to try to appease you. Oh well, he lost out on a great girl - his loss!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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