Is this an example of HJNTIY?
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| Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:40am |
First off, let me preface by saying I had my first meeting and have talked a few times to this guy. So the day after our first meeting, he calls and leaves a message on my answering machine that he's going to be at a nearby cafe in a few hours. The thing is, he left the message for SOMEONE ELSE! IOW, he said "Hi Mary, etc..." when my name is Jayme. So I jokingly emailed him a note saying "ya dialed the wrong number" to which he called me up less than 15 minutes later, explaining that Mary was someone he worked with and I was overreacting. He didn't get the joking tone of my email, because (thanks to you guys) I have learned to truly not get attached to these people (at least for a while, and after they prove themselves to me)... so I truly WAS joking around about it, because let's face it, the guy had a life before my "wink", and honestly, who cares if he's dating someone else or a few others or whatever right now - we had a MEETING.
So anyway, he proceeds to ask me to meet him at the cafe, which I did. Then, he rushes off after only like 15 minutes for an "appointment".
So, how many of you think he was rushing off to meet Mary, since he was in the area?
How many of you think he only asked me to meet him at the cafe to "save face" from saying the wrong name on my answering machine?
I have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and truly believe that he misspoke on the answering machine, and truly believe that he had an appointment. AM I A FOOL!?!?!?!?

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Short answer= YES!
But let's step back from looking at whether he's into you. Are you into him? Why? Was your 15 minute meeting that great of an experience that you want to learn mroe about him? He's now thrown it in your face that he's seeing multiple women (accidently or not is irrelevant), are you comfortable with being one of many?
Now I know I'm going to get comments on that last question. So maybe I should explain. Yes we all assume that the guy/girl we are meeting is seeing other people- personally I think we do that as a defense mechanism. But anyway, it's one thing to know it's going on in the background. But to throw it in my face usually makes me less interested in the guy.
If the only reason you want to see him again is because he's male and "might" be interested in you, I say NEXT. Spend your time and energy on someone that excites you and you want to learn more about.
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*maybe* he did say that he would only be able to be there for like an hour to 1 1/2 hours because he had a prior committment, but I thought the 15 (20 minutes max) mins was just a little short.
But now after reading these replies (not really yours in particular NGOL, but all of them) I am sitting here bawling. Because what if... what if he really *did* have something important to do.
Then to answer the other questions about whether I really like this guy, well, YES, I do. But I don't want to get blasted for liking someone whom I just met! How can that be possible after all!? And plus, I don't want to get hurt, so I have to throw up my guard when I feel like I am starting to have feelings for someone to early. But yes, I like him a lot and we have a lot in common.
So here I sit, tissue in hand, truly upset now, because I so want to believe. But then if I do take the chance, and believe everything he said to be true, I am opening my heart up for more hurt later. But isn't that the chance that someone should take? Because how do we find that special someone unless we take the risk, unless we put our heart on the line.
And of course, then there's the fact that after I'm hurt, I do fortunately bounce back. It may take a day or two (actually, after one seriously long term relationship it took a good solid two weeks, but that only happened one time where I was devastated by the guy, and we were dating for almost a year)..... but then I survive, and go on.
So I think I will take a chance, unless my confronting him about the situation has already scared him off.....
But I guess then it's a nonissue anyway.
Thanks for all the input. You guys and gals are the best, truly.
*sniff*
Don't worry so much about it and please don't be so upset! :-) If you want to make the decision to go ahead with this, then do so. But just keep this episode in the back of your mind. Aren't you supposed to go out Friday? And didn't he make the date with you after the "confrontation"? That is a sign that you probably haven't frightened him away. Keep the date and see how it goes. Many of us personally would not choose to go out with him after that, but you are your own person and make your own decisions. Don't fret about what we've said - we don't know everything by any means!!
We're not going to blast you about liking someone you just met but we will caution you to be careful. You hardly know him so your liking him is based on very little information. Just don't get so caught up in the "this guy asked me out" infatuation that you fail to see his flaws because we all have them. Just know that this is a red (or bright pink flag at least) and make sure you don't get hurt.
Try not to get so upset about this or to worry about it too much. And it's okay to like him even though you don't know him - just don't build up a whole fantasy in your head. If you feel that you have it in you to give it another try than go ahead and keep your Friday date. Do like donna did - give it another chance while maintaining a full awareness that there is already a bit of a red flag in your history with this guy. That way if anything off occurs on your next date you'll know that this past incident wasn't an isolated one.
Yes - it is possible that he felt embarrased by the mixup when he dialed the wrong number. It might have been careless and inconsiderate
HI Cg,
"it's not what he is thinking Of, it is what he is thinking With!"
It seems as though your 15 minute man is shooting fish in the barrell of OLD, and just SO excited that he Might get 'in' with all these women that he has on the 'hook', so he is doing a 'large scale operation' and figures the more women he tries with, the better his "score" rate will be. Practiced Player.
The Lie was not, and never IS, a good thing, either! Why be part of a stable of women to appease his Super-sized ego? No problem with people 'interviewing' more than one person, but have the Maturity to keep them straight or just Admit you made a little mistake. The 15 minute meeting was patronizing, imo.
Gotta be Somethin' better--Ding! Next!
Truly,
Cupcake
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