Exasperated

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Exasperated
18
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:59pm

So my well-meaning friend has been "at it" again!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 10:45pm

Revenge is sweet! I have a hard time keeping up with everyone's letters!

wrt means with respect to (I'm in legal, what can I say?)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:08am

If she's such a close, long-time friend, why the heck don't you TALK to her about how her actions are making you feel?

So what if she gets upset...YOU'RE upset about what she's done, aren't you?

I just don't understand how you can be friends with someone for so long and not be able to TALK to them!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:46am

I agree with Sheri, Ann Marie, and the others. Some friends -- even those you've known for a long time, and at my age, 10 years isn't that a long time! -- are not meant to be friends for a lifetime. At this point, she would be turning into an acquaintance, if I were you. Definitely not somebody I would discuss anything personal with.

Let me share a really awful story with you. I had a "friend" a few years ago who started acting strange when I got divorced. Basically dumped me. I know that happens, so I just moved on. Then I saw her at a party, when I was with my then-and-now-again BF. My daughter was with us. She and her husband met him very briefly. A little later, we left (it was a kids' birthday party) and my ex picked up my daughter later. She told my ex that she thought my BF's relationship with my daughter was inappropriate. (She had seen the two of them together for maybe 30 seconds.) Fortunately, I get along well with my ex, and he trusts me and told me immediately. When I called her to ask her if she had some concerns she wanted to share with me, she went off on a huge tirade about how I shouldn't be dating till my kid turns 18 (!) and how I'm putting my sex life in front of my daughter's well being. And THEN it got ugly. She could have ruined many people's lives with her vicious lie had my divorce not been as amicable as it was.

She was projecting her own problems, issues and values onto my life, and it sounds like to a much lesser degree, this woman is doing the same thing to you. You won't be able to change her or win her over. I would distance myself from her if only because her company no longer makes you feel good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:43am
I SHOULD be able to talk to her, but one of my faults is that I'm a wimp when it comes to things like this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:12pm

I know I'm a late getting in on this, but I have to tell you this.

Eons ago when I was in my 20's I had a "best" friend I had known since elementary school. We were like sisters. Anyway, I started dating this guy and she disliked him SO much that she wouldn't even speak to me. (Which may be a preferred scenario to what you're experiencing!)

I tried everyhting in my power to to maintain our friendship with exception of ditching the guy. She wouldn'thave anything to do with him or me, she wouldn't tell me why. I became so "exasperated" with her behavior that I let her go. I couldn't deal with it.

To this day I have no idea what was so horrible about that man, especially since the guy was the man I was happily married to until the day he died.

Go figure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:43pm
Well, and didn't you say once that you really thought talking to her wouldn't accomplish much? I thought I remember that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:52pm
Hi - I am new to this board and couldn't help but notice your message. This "friend" is definitely not someone you need in your life, just because you have a history with someone or they are nice part of the time doesn't make them a genuine friend. This woman sounds envious of you and although I don't know anything about you so this is all speculation, she seems to be jealous that someone is taking up any of your time. This woman sounds like she wants you to need her and since you don't, she is almost inventing reasons to convince you otherwise. Maybe you spent a lot of time with her in your single days and she is resentful of your relationship taking time away from you and her. I had a friend that did that to me about a year ago, we were inseperable (which is usually not healthy either) and then I met someone I really liked. I always tried to balance out friends and my new boyfriend and no matter what I did, nothing short of my breaking up with him would have been good enough. She even shunned me and became downright mean and intentionally did not invite me to stuff anymore just to prove a point, she seriously acted like she was 12 years old (she was my age, 28) about the whole thing. Basically, I came to realize she was just an insecure demanding brat and I quit trying to make her happy. People that are miserable about themselves will only bring you down. I think women especially have a hard time cutting off someone because we always feel we have to work things out even to the point of our own detriment and we feel guilty when things don't work out even if it isn't our fault. Take it from me, you don't need this woman in your life, people should always add to your life, not take away from your happiness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:53pm

Vexer, yes I did mention that.

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