Exclusive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Exclusive?
5
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 10:26am

Hello all,


Been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks and have been out on 10 amazing dates.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: karlygirl12
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:05pm
I think that 6 weeks is a little early--however, whether you want to date other people is up to you. For me, I would rather spend time getting to know someone. I have had situations where I was doing OLD and not seeing the guys very often so it wasn't that hard to date more than one at a time. I would say that if someone interesting asks you out, you haven't had any talk of being exclusive and you're not having sex w/ anyone, I don't see a problem w/ dating more than one guy at a time. I don't know that all men will bring up being exclusive. I think when I started dating the guy who became my 2nd DH, we never had the talk at all. We just fell for each other hard, we were both single parents so we didn't have that much free time anyway--started off being together on kid-free nights, then weekends, then we were just spending all our free time together. It just evolved to that & we never talked about it. I don't see anything wrong w/ telling him that you don't want to have sex unless you know that neither one of you is seeing other people--I don't see that as pressuring him because he could always say that he's not ready to be exclusive yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
In reply to: karlygirl12
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 11:03pm
"Are we exclusive?" ...the million dollar question!
I'd been debating the same thing, whether I should ask the guy or not. We've been dating about 4 weeks now, are sleeping together, but only see each other once a week. I've been asked out by another guy, and we met for coffee and we're having lunch this week. I really feel strange dating more than one guy at a time but I've been trying to take the advice of many and do it.
So, on tonight's date with guy #1, we got into the discussion about dating and he brought up the subject, asking how the online dating was going for me. So the conversations progressed to "are we dating other ppl?" and he said, no, not right now, and then I said, well, you're the only one I'm sleeping with.
It was kind of awkward, each one of us kind of afraid to say one way or the other. Then we started discussing relationships and what we wanted and what our expectations were. We came to the conclusion that we were both on the same page, that we just want things to evolve, not try to force things, and enjoy each other's company.
I like him very much but I'm also trying to guard myself against falling too soon. I've done it in the past and it just ends up hurting. I really am trying to change my pattern of dating. I know it's much healthier.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
In reply to: karlygirl12
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 1:27pm

Boy can I relate! I have been dating a man for about the same amount of time. It's going really well but unlike you, we sort of had this conversation very early.


Not because either of us was trying to push the issue of exclusivity, but because we are at different points in our tenure with dating--he's recently divorced and just started dating and I've been divorced and dating 5 years.


So when the conversation naturally turned to what each of us is looking for, he said he'd like to get married again. And I replied, 'well yes, but I meant right now. You're so new to this, aren't you just interested in dating different people to find out what you like and don't like after being married for 25 years?"


He said he wasn't sure where he stood with all of that--he had dated a few women but I was the only one he'd asked out again. But since then,

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
In reply to: karlygirl12
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 12:47am

Everyone's different, but I had no desire to see anyone else once I started dating my BF. I could have forced myself to, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it, and it wouldn't have been fair to any guy who actually wanted to keep seeing me.

On our third date, a week in, we kissed for the first time, and I asked him that night. He said yes and took down his profile when he got home. I can't say I've ever regretted it. If both people want to be exclusive then there is no such thing as too soon, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
In reply to: karlygirl12
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 3:22pm
Well, now a new twist! I went for lunch with another guy, that I met for coffee a week ago. He brought up the discussion about dating, and asked me if I was seeing someone else, and I said yes. And he said, I'm fine with that. And I said, ok. Then he said of course being intimate with more than one person is ok too. And I said, no, for me, it's not ok. I wouldn't be intimate with more than one guy. So he asked outright if I was intimate with anyone else. I said yes, so as long as you know, I won't be intimate with you if I'm sleeping with someone else. He didn't understand that, thinks it's ok to "sleep around". So I had to be clear that I was NOT going to go to bed with him. His manner changed after that and when the lunch ended, he said goodbye with no promise to call or get in touch, not even a hug, which before he was very expressive. I guess his goal was to get me in bed!
I walked away thinking, even if it doesn't work out with the guy I'm being intimate with, I'm glad I stuck to my views and what was right for me.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.