Exclusive Dating?
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Exclusive Dating?
| Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:40pm |
HI I'm new here, and I have a question about dating. Actually it is about a situation I am currently in. I met a guy onlime about five months ago. We hit it off immediatly. I knew when we first started dating that he had just ended a long term, live in relationship. After we had been dating about a week he told me that after coming off of something so serious he wanted to take a while before getting into anything too heavy again. I understood that and was OK with it. After about six weeks of dating he decided that we should see other people for awhile. I agreed to this. We have been dating for five months now, and we have a physical relationship, we spend almost every day together and at times it looks like we may be going somewhere. However, he still (not often), but occasionally goes out with women he meets online. He is always very up front and honest with me about it. The thing that bothers me, isn't that he sees other women occasionally, because I still have the option to see other men, its that he doesn't find a need to tell them about me. He says most people you meet online are dating other people and it isn't necesary to tell them who else you are seeing. However, I feel there is a big difference between dating other people and dating one person in particular for five months. Am I wrong? How would you feel if you met a guy online, started dating him and then found out he had been seeing someone steadily for an extended about of time? He's a great guy in so many ways, and I want to see if it can work, but I admit I'm almost ready to call it quits.

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If a guy tells you that he thinks you both should be seeing other people, why would you be spending almost everyday with him? Listen to these men and find things to do with your life. You don't spend a lot of time with a man who states "let's see other people!"
I agree with him, there is NO need to tell other people you are seeing other people unless they ask. It is normally understood people are seeing other people unless you have had a discussion about being exclusive.
This guy has the best of both worlds, spending all this time with you until he can get a date with someone else, all the while not being commited to you. You stated that you were cool with the arrangement, so take heed, stop spending all your time with him and DATE OTHERS like he is doing!!
If he's not exclusive with the other person, then I don't need or want to know about it.
Sheri
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I agree with another poster that you should have or should be seeing other people at the same time just like he is too. A lot of posters on this board have suggested to not put all your eggs in one basket and I agree with this because you never know when they'll pull that old line "we should be friends" or "we should see other people". Go date other guys, stay busy, don't get too emotionally invested into just 1 guy, because in case things don't work out, you'll be very disappointed and hurt.
I always found myself repeating the same mistake of dating 1 guy in hopes that he'll want to be exclusive, and then when he decides that he doesn't I'm very hurt because I felt that he wasted my time, energy, etc.
Date other people, have fun, stay busy! But don't tell any of them that you are seeing other guys because men can't take that honest truth from women (double-standard I know).
And honestly it is a lot more easier for women to get more dates than men, so I'm assuming you will not have a hard time finding somebody right away.
And seeing somebody every single day when you're just getting to know them runs the risk of "smothering" each other and wearing out each others welcome. Do you think maybe you two got too physical early in the stage? Because it's so much harder to move on once that starts...
Hope I'm not coming across as harsh, because that truly is not my intent :)
I still need advice and some tips on this whole OLD thing, which is why I'm here!
“But don't tell any of them that you are seeing other guys because men can't take that honest truth from women (double-standard I know).”
I try to side step that question (seems tacky to ask) when asked and if pressed I say I just assume everyone is dating until you decide to become more serious. I think men will try to find out – whereas we women usually never ask early on. Interesting....
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I just straight tell them "No, your the only one I'm seeing" because really it is none of their business if we are not officially boyfriend and girlfriend (exclusive) to each other. I've wasted too much time, and had a few guys stop talking to me if they got news that I was even talking to other guys, OR if a guy asked for my number. Men have fragile egos.
What a crock! And I'm not talking about you or your post but that we gotta cradle men's egos. Come on! If they're man enough to ask, then they're man enough to hear the truth. And if they ghost because they didn't like the answer, then he's not strong enough to my man. Or your man. Takes more than one date to get me to take my profile down and it takes me going through whatever I pulled up in my net. I figure everyone's doing the same thing.
If they stop talking to you because you've admitted to seeing other men (which is totally retarded), then you are better off. No huevos IMO.
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LOL. True in theory but in reality, no. Men don't want the honest truth sometimes from women. They like their ears to be tickled. I just say "No not seeing anbody but you" but leave my profile up until HE decides that he wants to see me and only me, then if I agree, we both should take down our profiles. I think that is the smartest/safest move to make. If I notice he's still online looking for others to date, I'll do the same, but won't tell him this of course. There's a risk in that, he may ghost on you, but if he really wanted me bad enough, he wouldn't let the fact that my profile is up bother him, AND he would pop that "exclusive" question, and we'd take it from there.
If a guy ghosts on you from petty jealousy like seeing your profile up, and seeing you online, then he never really was that into you (general you) in the first place. That's been my experience at least....
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