exercise in futility?
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exercise in futility?
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 12:50am |
I've been on Match.com since November. I am 45 petite and slim, short hair and wear glasses. But I've had only a couple of replies to my profile. And only one response when e-mailed or "winked" at men's profiles.
Am I that gross of a person?
Am I that gross of a person?

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Well, do you really think so? That's for you to decide, im. I'm sure you know you're not given your self-description.
Could be your profile. Lots of experts on this board on profile writing (I'm not one of them!) so if you give your online handle someone will take a look at it and give you some constructive advice.
I only get winked at by wankers (I'm 46), so I do the search/contact and have had okay success with that in the past. You might want to be more proactive.
Welcome to the board, BTW.
amjay
Take a look at the OLD website, it has tons of great advice:
http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-jhoover21/
Here's some more advice: if you don't develop a thick skin, OLD will chomp away at your self-esteem until you have none left. What is happening is you are letting complete strangers (few of them even good looking!) make you insecure about your looks. I've gone through that stage, believe me, and it aint fun.
OLD is a numbers game. The more people you contact, the more dates you will have.
>>Am I that gross of a person?<<
Without seeing your profile it's hard to say how you're coming across. If you're not comfy posting your username here (which is totally understandable- I don't) then the best thing you can do is read the threads.
Also, there's some good older topics that discuss how to post pictures that will be received well, and how to punch up your profile text so that it reads well.
You do have pictures posted, right? And they're flattering, don't make you look ugly or like a lush? If you have a straight guy friend, having him review your profile with a critical eye might help as well. Even better if you have a couple of them that you can trust, because (like anything) different guys have different tastes.
It's hard to say what's scaring people off - generally from reading the forums and being online - it seems that over 40 is the magic age where response rates tend to tilt in the favor of guys. Many of the people online seem to search out the younger set. Go figure.
There's a bunch of no-no's for your profile -- and if people are stopping when they see your photo - then the first thing I'd look at is that picture. Is it clear? Does it show you full length (especially if your body type is listed as avg, curvy, a few extra pounds). Guys don't like to use their imagination. They want to see right away who they are spending time chatting with.
If your profile reads exactly like every other profile (it's simple to discover - just pretend you are a guy and search for matches and observe how their profiles read) - then all you are really doing is entering yourself into a beauty contest. The more time you spend adding unique things to your profile - the better your responses (if not quantity then quality).
My online handle (profile name) on match.com is
footssmom
ditto. Nice profile, very relaxed. You sound easy going. The photo is a tad off-putting, as you are very close to the camera. A couple more are needed, to back up the "slender" choice.
Once you get a few pics up, get cracking on those searches! I bet you get good results.
amjay
Hi,
Welcome here, you will enjoy this group, they are wonderful, honest, supportive people!
Maybe a new 'name' for yourself? Not too cutesy, but something that draws a bit more attention? Accentuate something positive...like your being petite. I know the 'name' on mine has drawn a lot of comments, and that makes it easy for a man to begin an email to me, with a comment thereof.
Good luck!
Truly,
Cupcake
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