Family members dying all over the place

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Family members dying all over the place
14
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:24pm

OMG, this is unbelievable. I'm almost thinking you're not going to believe I'm telling the truth because it's just too ridiculous.

So guy #1 and I had been trying to make a date for a few weeks now. I was traveling and he was busy so we kept missing each other. He cancelled on me once. I knew at that point in my gut I should just move on, but he sent me a really apologetic email the next day so I decided to give him another chance.

In the meantime, guy #2 is from out of town. Drops me a note end of last week saying he was going to be in LA tonight and did I have time to grab a drink. I said I had plans early that evening but could maybe meet him later. Yes, I was going to try to do two dates in one evening. Insane. Anyway, we spoke on Sunday to confirm.

This AM I get a call from guy #2. Family member (aunt I think?) is very ill and he decided to not come to LA afterall. I say "Uh huh, okay, well hope all goes well. Buh-bye."

Guy #1 calls shortly thereafter and we set a time and place. I'm at home getting ready and my phone rings 2 minutes before I'm going to leave. It's guy #1. "Uh, I have bad news. My uncle just died earlier today and I'm going to have to drive down to San Diego with mybrother." I'm speechless at this point. He says "I'm so sorry, uh, are you available next week?" I burst out in hysterical laughter and say "that's priceless. um, no, I'm pretty much tied up for the rest of my life" and hung up.

So i'm sitting here stunned beyond belief. Now in all my OLD days, I've never had a guy cancel. Now I've had 2 in the same night cancel from family member's deaths or near deaths. At LEAST come up with an original excuse will ya!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 6:06am
I think OLD does cause illness in families. I've always had exactly the same reaction as you. Anything that drags out the amount of time from email to meet is extremely negative. I automatically write off the people in my mind -- and usually they do turn out flaky even if the illness / death was true -- which I have no way of knowing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 8:32am
If the uncle really did die, you were a horrible person. I always prefer not to take chances and believe them instead, not everyone would kill a family member just to get out of a date. Coincidence? Yes. But I think you were rude nonetheless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 8:34am

Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 8:35am

Think about it though:

YOU set up two dates on the *****same***** night.

What makes you think the kinda guy you are attracting
didn't do the same thing? He just cancelled instead
of trying to do two dates on the SAME evening.

Just food for thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 9:01am
I agree it was a little cruel to laugh at him when he told you his uncle died - it's a lame excuse if it isn't true, but you don't know if it is true or not.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 1:29pm

Oh God no, it wasn't true! He called 5 minutes before our date to tell me this? Please, we had spoken earlier and had his uncle been ill enough to die, I think he wouldn't have planned a date. As I said, he cancelled in a similar manner a few weeks ago so this guy has no credibility and I shouldn't have ever agreed to set up another date when my gut said this guy was shady. If you would have heard the guy stammering, it was pretty darn clear he was protesting too much.

As for the guy who said setting up two meets in one night was wrong, please, they were quick drinks, not sleep overs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 1:53pm

<<>>

Jeez. My dad was fine one minute and dead the next. A friend's husband dropped dead of a massive heart attack while she was out Christmas shopping.

You really don't know, do you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:02pm
Well I suppose you are right about that. I don't really know. My bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:37pm

It is possible, however, I agree with you about
what your gut said. You are most likely right,
and also, you are the one that heard his tone/delivery, etc.

I didn't say you were wrong in setting up two dates
on the same night. That is up to you, all I said
was maybe they did too.

I mean, let's say you met guy #1 at 6 pm...you're meeting
guy #2 at 7.30, which means you gotta be outta there, and
rushing to where ever to be not late.

You REALLY hit it off with guy #1...loose track of time,
your watch battery dies...anything, you know what i mean.

Then you're the one that's actually stood up guy #2, with no
phone call. Unless you, say, hit it off with guy #1 SO well,
you say you have to go to the restroom, and call guy #2, and
say you're car has a flat tire, you can't make it...

The above is hypothetical, but you see what I am getting too, I hope.

Maybe, you were girl #2.....when he REALLY hit it off with girl #1....

You can't really complain, if you're doing the SAME thing.

I'm not trying to argue, or be mean, or anything. Again, I'm not
saying you are in any way wrong, its your lifestyle, I was just making
a point that if you are attracting guys from the same lifestyle as yours,
its highly likely they would cancel with a lame excuse at the last minute.

Also, this is just my OPINION, its not a slam on you, or whatever. I'm not
at all saying to change yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 2:42pm

I agree with everyone saying that it was thoughtless and mean to laugh at the guy for saying his uncle died and now making excuses that "the uncle wasn't ill". Maybe it was a car accident, maybe he got shot. I had coworker who got a phone call at lunch one day that her step-grandfather had gone home and shot his wife and himself. She was stunned because there was no indication that this could happen. If one of us had laughed at her, I think she might have stammered her way through the reply too. Could you imagine if this really HAD happened to you and some guy laughed in your face thinking you made it all up? You would probably be dumbfounded and not know at all what to say!

Maybe it was an excuse, but I think you should learn a little tact and compassion because what you did even if it was an excuse was cruel.

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