Fear vs. Just Not That Into Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fear vs. Just Not That Into Him
13
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:56pm

OK, I was doing my Dr. Phil reading over lunch and got to a chapter talking about the "impression" you give to others and that an impression of desperation you can give off which is being desperately afraid of getting hurt. When you are that kind of desperate, you obviously push people away because you'd rather not get hurt or fear being hurt so much that you sobconsciously or even consciously think you'd be better off alone.

So I'm wondering when you know if it's fear or if it's that you're just not that into the guy? I have to wonder if that's my problem with Mr. Handsy? I find my interest waning - he called last night and I had just put my dinner on a plate so I didn't answer. After that, I found more important things (i.e. watching TV) to do than call him back.

When reading that chapter, I DO definitely know that I am very afraid of being hurt again and that I have a tendency to pick unavailable men and perhaps push away guys that might be good for me. So I wonder if my reluctance over this is because HE'S being so available? Or if it's because I really don't like him that much?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 5:35pm
My suggestion is a change of focus. The reason you are going on this date is to learn about YOU, right? It is to discover whether the reason you are not interested in him is b/c of your fears or something about him. So, why not go into the date viewing it as an opportunity to discover more about yourself, and that way it will be a success no matter how it ends. And learning about yourself is a wonderful thing, so hopefully a change in focus will alleviate the feeling of dread. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 6:56pm

Thanks Kerry and orchid! Kerry, I guess I don't feel like getting too dolled up b/c I don't want him to think I did it for him. I'm doing it for ME! :-) But I am going to wear one of my favorite tops so...

And orchid - I love your suggestion! No matter what, this will be an experience to learn about myself. I'm meeting him in an hour. I'll let ya'll know how it goes. I do feel better going into it now!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 7:34pm
I love your idea! Great one... :o)

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