Fed up with OLD
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| Mon, 02-14-2005 - 11:02am |
I have been a silent viewer of this message forum and now that I have something to add. I thought that I would add my experience with online dating. Before you start reading I have to apologize and say that this is a long post. I signed up with match.com in late Oct 2004 and within 2 days of posting my picture and profile I had several winks and emails. This was my first time using an online dating service to possibly meet the one. If such a thing exists. I didn't have unrealistic expectations. Alot of the winks and emails were from guys that I felt I had nothing in common with so I did not express an interest in any of them. Finally the day before Thanksgiving I got an email from a guy who was attractive and seemed to be nice. He provided me with his phone number in this first email, telling me to give him a call if I wanted to chat. So I emailed him back and threw caution to the wind and gave him my cell phone number and told him to call me sometime over the weekend. He called me that same night. We stayed on the phone for 4 hours just talking about everything. The following morning he called me just to say good morning. Sounds like a keeper doesn't it? Well, we continued to communicate by phone and email. Talking to each other several times a day for several weeks. Finally we arranged to meet. We met at a mutally agreed upon spot. When I say him in person, I was a little bit disappointed. First of all he was shorter than I thought he would be, and he was balding. In the picture that he posted on Match.com, he had a full head of hair. Anyway I put that behind me because he seemed like such a nice guy. He gave me a single pink rose which I thought was sweet. We had dinner and had some good conversation. I truly did enjoy myself.
Now I'm going to fast forward to the present. We dated for 3 months. Somewhere around the 2nd month I started to get the feeling that he was being shady. For example, I would be with him at his house and his cell phone would ring and he would ignore it. It would ring maybe 6-7 times in an hour and then he would say something like I have to go upstairs to my room and get something. He would take his cell phone with him and disappear for at least 20-30min. Then he would come back and act like nothing ever happened. I spent the night at his house on several occasions, but nothing happened between us because I didn't want to rush into anything too soon. So one evening I was asleep in his bed and he was sleeping right beside me. He got up from the bed picked up his cell phone and went downstairs to get something to drink I assumed. By this time I was very suspicious, so I waited 5 minutes and when he didn't return. I went downstairs. When I got downstairs he was on his computer looking at other women at another online dating site. His response was oh you scared me. I simply said I just wanted to get something to drink. He quickly changed web pages to something else. I didn't want to start anything so I went back upstairs and went to bed. To make a long story short, I eventually found out that he was a member of several online dating sites and telephone dating sites. I got a hold of his cell phone bill and found out that he is currently communicating with at least 10 different women in different states. So needless to say after saying a choice few words to him I kicked him to the curb. The funny thing is that I asked him several times if he wanted to be with me and he would say yes. I also asked him if he wanted to date other women and he would say no. He would say your the only girl that I'm talking to online or otherwise. So that goes to show, you can't trust everything that someone tells you especially if you met them online or otherwise because they may have secret life that you know nothing about. I'm just thankful that nothing sexual happened between us although he was pushing for that. I knew better. Whew, well thanks for reading my post. No more online dating for me.

Errr....don't you think it's a little silly to give up OLD based on ONE experience?
If OLD isn't for you, fine, but I can't imagine letting one man ruin it for me.
I'm sorry for your experience...but I have to say that NO, talking on the phone for 4 hours before meeting does NOT sound like a keeper to me! That would be a big turn off and red flag to me, actually, from the get go.
I'm not sure why you don't think this exact same thing could happen to you with someone you meet "offline"...you need to be cautious and pay attention to your instincts regardless of how you meet. Why didn't you stop seeing him earlier, or at least ASK him about the calls, since you were supposedly exclusive? And you knew from the get-go that he was a liar...if I'm reading your post correctly, he lied about his height on match and posted a misleading picture.
And OF COURSE you can't trust what someone tells you...at least not until you've gotten to know them well enough to know if they are trustworthy.
Sheri
Jeepers that guy is an idiot. Doesn't he know that cell phones can be put on SILENT...
Sounds like you discovered his true character at about the right interval for either online or real life dating.
Let me ask you something though. Now that you've gotten this experience, know the red flags to look for (being approached by someone in a rush is a huge one - the ringing cellphone going unanswered always means another party is involved) - why do you want to quit? Aren't you wiser and better able to screen the next guy?
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience and that this guy was such an SOB. But I agree that this could have happened with OLD or IRL. The players are everywhere.
I wouldn't let one man be the deciding factor. Use this as a learning experience and move forward.
(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I actually have an OLD story worse than yours, but I'll save that for another time.
I think taking a break from OLD is a good idea. Take a little time to get your head straight. I have a feeling you're probably as mad at yourself for buying all of his BS as you are at him for being such an SOB.
Aside from all of our complaining about our OLD, I think most of us know people who have had success and that's why we keep coming back. At least that's how it is for me.
So take a little time for yourself, come back to OLD when you are ready, and put your newly honed instincts to work and find yourself a good man. :)