feeling discouraged about men in general

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
feeling discouraged about men in general
27
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:56am

No i'm not going to bash men...but i am going to vent a bit. I just felt sort of discouraged last night. I feel like i will never meet anyone that i connect with. Dating used to be so much easier...I cant believe that after going out with 7 or 8 people, not one of them i've wanted to see again. What is it coming to? This never used to happen to me...i pretty much used to be that boy crazy girl to a point. It seems like i've become pickier...i'm worried that if i dont become more open minded about people i will always be alone...at the same time I dont want to settle. I think a lot of it has to do with my ex...we broke up 3 years ago. He was very good looking, and had the type of personality i really like on a guy. He was tall, built, just had a really nice body, nice eyes, had all his hair, his personality was really polite, and he had athletic ability like i've never seen. He could easily run a marathon without training and do better than all his friends who'd spend months training...he was just the ultimate man to me and every guy i meet just doesnt measure up...): I hate feeling that way. I dont think i'll find anyone like my ex...and I shouldnt want to because we didnt work out!

I did date a guy over the summer who had similar qualities (and was even better, lol) than my ex. He wasnt as tall, but he still was good looking, built, athletic, polite and really smart. He was going back to grad school so i knew the whole (8 weeks i knew him) time that he was leaving. i think i acted too clingy of him probably, this was sort of what made me try online dating

I guess i'm finding that a lot of guys online are not what im looking for. I am talking to 3 guys who i could see myself liking, but i feel so discouraged by the past people i've met online. I feel like these guys wont be interested in me or i wont be interested in them. Why do i feel the need to date anyone? Because i'm tired of being alone...i want a partnter...someone i can count on, do fun things with, just have someone there...i've been alone for a while now. I just feel that I will never find this person...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:00pm

I'm feeling discouraged, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:17pm

Thanks I see that you're from MA? Me too! I am on yahoo, which site are you using?

I wrote another post in 'the single life' about women and the need to always look perfect for society and men. Take a look, but it's another vent, lol. I am just tired of seeing average looking guys expecting to get someone who is practically a supermodel! I take care of myself, i'm 5'5, 117, i get told i have a nice shape, pretty face, nice hair, clothes, whatever...but i still often feel unattractive when i go out. I dont know if you live near boston, but it seems like there are very attractive women around here? I feel like they often look like celebreties when they are out in the bars/clubs. i sometimes cant believe how done up they get! lol. Guys say they want someone natural...but all the hotties i see out that they all swarm too do not look natural to me. I do see some good looking guys around here, they are often the metrosexual type which means they REALLy want a girl who does all the works to herself...my brother is like this. He is a good looking guys, girls hit on him everytime he is out and he has a very attractive girlfriend. For starters she's as thin as a rail (size 2), really long legs, cute butt, C cup boobs, super outfits all the time lol. She is the type of person who if i a feeling i look cute, as soon as she walks in i feel frumpy. NOw i love this girl, i'd be tickled pink if she is ever my sister in law...but i feel like i see girls like her all over my city.

My friend and i were discussing this this past weekend...her bf of 4 years recently ended their relationship because he feels 'no longer attracted to her.' she looks great! i know probably just the spark is gone, but makes me wonder, does he think he can do better, does he want to better? It seems like it's often all about looks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 1:45pm

Hey CGUN, nice to hear from you. I was wondering about you.

This jumped out at me: "I tried to give him a chance because I figured that was what I "should" do, but I just couldn't feel an attraction" -- because I did this recently. I let it go on for five dates, hoping, wanting to feel a spark but I never did. My first instinct is usually right.

Corbeach -- I know where you're coming from. This can be so dispiriting and exhausting, like a dead-end part-time job. I've been doing OLD for a couple of years and I'm trying to keep a good attitude, but lord, it's hard. I've met so many men my age (40s) who act as if they want a relationship, but it's soon obvious they're perfectly content married to the plasma TV and aren't willing to do anything to disrupt their little lives.

I have faith (most of the time) that there is someone out there for me who wants a real relationship (as opposed to the pen pals I keep "meeting"). Otherwise, I wouldn't bother trying to date at all, OLD or otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:06pm

Yep, I'm in MA.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:15pm

it's funny because i have heard other people say that boston women arent that attractive either. Ok maybe compare to Miami or some beach town in the south of France, but i have to wonder, what the heck are they talking about?? I know what guys like, i see it all the time around here. It really makes me annoyed when i hear people say that about boston women,not just because i am one but because it's not true. I have lived in other cities...men should be happy to be in boston as far as i can see. I used to read that askmen board and this nasty bostonian guy (who was from albania or something) would always go on and on about how ugly the boston women are...it was really annoying because he was certianly not the most attractive guy himself and finally other people started telling him that.

I have checked out other girls on yahoo...they arent that great in my opinion, but on myspace-again they all look like celebs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:18pm
Hi!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 7:04pm
I hear ya completely on this. I feel the same exact way. It's been a very frustrating dating year for me to say the least and I feel as if there are so many beautiful women here in San Diego to compare too. The guys who are into me I'm not attracted to in that way and vice versa. It's been very disheartening. I still have hope, but I always ask myself when is it going to happen and the older I get the more I get used to just having my life and living alone and it would be hard to picture being with someone in a marriage and living with someone since I've been single for so long. But like you I want to find that special someone and I do want to have children. I might change my mind on the children bit in a few years when I get closer to the point of not being able to have them but for now I still want them. I don't have a lot of time but still a little bit of time left. I'm hoping all of us do find the one for us sooner than later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 7:45pm
I don't have much to add except, I hear ya ladies! There's always somebody that just seems "better" compared to me and my head still can't get past that. Maybe some day...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 11:16pm
i totally agree w/all the sisters! im tired of typical attractive guy who expects you to be jessica simpson/paris hilton lookalike and be totally rich! so any attractive woman that has a good job has to compete with this? its total bs!! especially when half of these girls are fake!! plastic surgery, breast implants, hair extensions, guys if thats all you want then im giving up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:47am

Wow, do I ever know how you feel. I can't really give you sage words of advice here, but just know you're not alone in thinking and feeling all these things. It's hard out there. I've recently begun to believe that - yes, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but the sea is horribly polluted and swimming in it can give you a horrible rash.

Anyway, I've begun to do the same as you - I think that the more people we date the pickier we are. I met a guy (friend only) who refused to date a woman who couldn't eat with chopsticks as he loved asian food. Wow. I think I get that way sometimes too - think of all the wonderful attributes my exes had and start looking for them - and only them - in other people. Makes me wonder what I might have missed out on. Just sayin.

L

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