Fighting the Blues

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Fighting the Blues
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 11:09pm

Anyone have a time frame for when I develop this thick skin I thought I had, and can soon breeze through the disappointment, rejection, and elation followed by depression? Do the women on the online dating sites treat the men just as indifferently as it seems the men treat women?

I'm already tired of the conversations begun, two or three emails, then no more forthcoming, the first meets that turn into nothing, and of course, I still can't stop kicking myself over my indiscretion a few weeks back. I mean I'm trying to, but seeing him back online without a care in the world for what transpired between us, makes me feel pretty low.

So, when can I start taking these things in stride? How does one stop the feelings of excitement that crop up so easily over an email, for pete's sake!!!! Why can't I just live my life, and make this online thing more of a 5% portion, the fun and entertaining thing it should be?

Man, I dislike being single at this point in my life!


Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 6:39pm

It's all a game and you need to look at it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:16pm

Yes, thanks, this actually does help to put it more into perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 12:08am

"Also.........don't give away the goods (unless you want to) because men will not respect you or ask you out again. A continuing relationship does not continue after a one night stand."

I agree with most everything else you've said, but I take issue with this one. My two longest relationships, 4 and 5 years, began with sex on the first date. My ex husband really had to work for it, as I didn't even have a phone or regular email access. I know other people on these boards have had similar experiences.

I also would never want to be with someone who held that double standard, regardless of how far into the relationship we had sex. To me that doesn't show respect for women at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 8:20am

Perspective is key! I too am back OLD after taking a break since last fall. Never let it be the end all and be all of your social life. Get out and meet people -- join Meetups, re-connect with friends, go to public events, take a class, join a gym, etc. There are lots of ways to fill your life with other things so that you are not focusing on the online dating part of it.

When I decided to start online dating again, I asked a friend if she wouldn't mind being my co-conspirator. She checks my profile and messages and lets me know if someone interesting has contacted me. I find that has taken the stress out of 'checking' continually.

Also, this time, I'm much more choosey. If someone doesn't meet the basic criteria that I've set -- must live within suitable distance, must be divorced, etc -- then I don't entertain more than a passing glance. In the past, I had allowed things that I wouldn't have, and ended up being disappointed. Not that it won't happen again, but my expectations are different this time around.

Dating is supposed to be fun. When it's not, then stop!

Good luck and keep us posted! I've only been back online a week and so far, nada. But that's ok. Good things come to those who wait!

Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 5:01pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 12:43pm

Hi Violet, I'm sorry you're feeling so blue right now. In addition to the terrific support you've already received here, I think you may find this article from our dating expert Dr. Sherry Amatenstein useful:

Discouraged by Dating: How Do I Keep My Spirits Up?