Figuring out what I want-An update...
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Figuring out what I want-An update...
| Tue, 11-15-2005 - 10:41am |
Hey All You Friendly Fellow OLD Ladies,
:)))
Ya know....knowing what I want is really one of the hardest parts to figure out! LOL.
I am complex. I was recently told that by my latest OLD date. He is right.
I met this guy last Monday. We were seeing each other almost everyday (including several overnights) for a week! But I started to feel smothered and not so *free* really fast. He asked me to pull my profiles and I did. ACK! Well, now I am trying to reverse some of that and cool it down! Nice guy but he has a big bag of baggage and I am a little scared of some of it. We will see what happens...but I want more freedom. It is ridiculous after only a week!.....
Sara

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Thank you. You are right. It is hard being a one-man-woman in the dating world as a mature adult. I am learning....I am....slowly but surely!
Sara
Sara,
Be VERY careful with this one. Yes! You moved WAY too fast and as you said you need to slow down and back up a bit, quite a bit. I know it's easy to get caught up in the moment, I've done it too and always regretted it. This all sounds way too familiar not just of my experience but of others I've read on this board.
These guys are master manipulators and I'll bet if you tell him that you need to slow down, he'll give you grief about it and make you feel bad. I suspect he's been controlling the warp speed of this and you've been following his lead. Again, I've been there and it all seems very flattering right now that he's so into you, but beware of the crash and burn. Added to that, the worries you have about his baggage...HUGE red flags here girl.
You need to take some control here and slow down the pace, but if gives you grief about it, I'd get the heck outta there.
JMHO...Chele
Thanks, Cheleinsf....To tell you the truth, I was a little scared last night. He really did not want to leave. :( EEK! But he did leave, and it was okay. I will be very careful on this one. He has some attachment issues. I myself tend to have some recent history of moving a little too fast and getting attached too fast, so I empathized a bit,- but he is way beyond me...he really needs to calm down! Thanks!
Sara
OK sara - this is SCREAMING red flags and STOP! He does sound a bit controlling and like he wants things his way. He has "attachment issues"? What does that mean - he gets attached really fast? If so, yikes! I'm bumping up hal's red flags email. Read it! Learn it! Live it! :-)
But seriously, slow this guy down if you do like him or dump him if you're not sure. At the minimum, if you do like him, tell him that you know you both have a tendency to rush into things and get attached very fast and that you don't want this to go the direction of your past relationships.
Thanks! Will do! Will read the other thread and slow the guy down a lot. Yes, he attached to me fast. He is needy emotionally. However, he has some good qualities, and I want to keep him around,- just slow him down a lot!
Sara
From the little info you've provided, it sounds worrisome to me and again I urge caution. This guy sounds emotionally unstable. I may be wrong, only you can assess your comfort level, but if you are scared in any way then that's a red flag in itself. At best he's just too clingy at worst he may have some abuser tendencies. In between there are all kinds of depression issues.
Sara...just be careful and keep us posted.
Chele
You got it...He is a brooder. Gives me the "I love you" look so frequently that it is not funny. We were so mushy together, but then it started to feel disingenuine some of the time....forced or something....unreal. It is just too fast. He has some good qualities though he has some big baggage too. I will keep you informed on how it goes.
Sara
Mitsy,
I am usually a one-man-woman. I have seriously tried to think about *not* having sex with anyone, but I was too sexually frustrated to carry through. I am at a personal sexual peak really. So, I wanted this one guy. Would have liked to have been exclusive with him, but I sort of got too demanding (wanting a relationship) too quickly, and he was scared by it, and he did not want much to do with me.....So, I moved on. Found this new guy last week, and now he is scaring *me* this time. I really want the first guy, but don't think it is happening. This second guy is nicer and probably better for me....We will see how it goes. Maybe if I can get him to take it slow....
Sara
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