Finally mtg IRL after 4 months
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| Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:26am |
Hi everyone,
This is the first time I have posted on this board. I met a man online (chatting on AOL, not a dating service). He lives some distance away, and I have children and don't have a lot of free time, so we are finally meeting in a week and a half for the first time in person. We have talked now for four months.
We talk online/phone daily. I am terrified that when we meet, the 'fantasy' of what we have had the past 4 months will dissapear. I have seen two pictures of him only, but honestly, I don't care at all what he looks like. (I say this now, at least, lol). He has seen many pictures of me since I have a dig. camera and camera phone. Even though he has seen so many pics of me, I am terrified that he won't like me. What if I look extremely different in person? I have little or no self confidence ... I am always picking out my bad features. I have this gap in my teeth that I hate, I am not happy with my body (although I do workout 5 times per week, still not perfect) etc. etc.
He mentioned that it will be strange because people who talk on the phone form these images of what the person is like that they are talking to, and they don't usually match IRL. At the risk of sounding really stupid, I don't want that to happen to us!
Part of me has even considered cancelling and just leaving it as never knowing ... that's how nervous I am. He is nervous too (which makes me feel better, actually - lol).
I guess I am just venting and ... I don't know. Has anyone spent a long time getting to know someone? Sometimes I am okay, I just think whatever will be, will be ... but then sometimes I am panicking.
Thanks so much for reading this ...
LZA
PS - We are meeting in a mall halfway between our homes, and my best friend is aware where I will be/who I am with.

WOW! Four months is a long time to do all that talking. You invested time and energy so that is why you are nervous. I usually make ta point not to wait that long to meet someone mainly because you need to meet face to face for reality. Otherwise we have a tendency to imagine what it will be like and it could be a let down. Good for you that you made it a public place and for letting someone know where you will be.
Don't cancel. It's now or never. Who knows YOU might NOT like him or MAYBE you BOTH will be perfect! You won't know until you try.
GOOD LUCK!
Just a head's up. Based on my very own experiences, one if not both will have such high expectations that dissapointment is more than likely to happen.
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
Just to add in my story that is quite similar. I started corresponding with a sailor who's home was near me, in February of 2003 over email, instant messenger and on the phone when he was in port in Japan or elsewhere. We had a great connection over the phone, he seemed very sweet and I looked forward to talking to him daily. We talked from February until June 17, so about the same amount of time as you. I was scared to death of meeting him in person. He sent me a videotape of him, and he wasn't exaclty as i pictured him in his pictures, so I was nervous that I would have to let him down. I still continued to correspond with him though.
He came home for good on June 16th and he met me on the 17th. I was shaking I was so scared. What if I wasted 4 months of correspondence on someone that I am not attracted to? What if I built up this man into something he is not? He arrived and I felt a little relieved. He wasn't my ideal type, but he was nice and we had a great time together. After our date I contemplated if this is someone I could continue to see, I kept telling myself "you had GREAT conversations on the phone." But I didn't know if I was phsycially attracted to him. My friends told me to go out with him again and the third date we went on sealed it. I knew then that I wanted to continue seeing him. We fell in love and dated for a year and a half. I found him to be the sexiest guy that I've dated. Some outsiders probably wouldn't think that, but his attitude, compassion, everything about him made him just that much more attractive in my eyes. Unfortunetly, we did break up for other complicated reasons, but the point of the story is, it CAN happen, but it doesn't always.
Do not cancel this meeting because you will always wonder "what if." What if this is the guy you are suppose to be with and you don't go? You invested so much time into this already, you owe it to yourself and him. If it doesn't work, at least you tried. Rejection hurts, yes, but isn't it better to know than to wonder?
Layx2
I would go to the meeting, but I would also be doing everything I could to have NO (or at least minimal) expectations. Every time you think about him between now and the meeting, for instance, tell yourself something along the lines of "we'll see...we may end up just being good friends, and that's ok" (you get the idea, I hope).
Sheri