finally!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
finally!
15
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 2:02pm

Hi all.

Finally! I have somebody who's asking me out for lunch.

Ok...so what's the problem? Well, I'm not really that into him. Why not, you ask? He's handsome, but, well, English isn't his first language, so I see a language/communication barrier between us.

I told him in my last email to him that I'm looking for someone more Americanized and that we can just be friends. He agreed to it (I just hope he understood what I meant! lol).

He lives in the neighborhood over from me, so I'm thinking of asking him for coffee instead of lunch.

Am I doing the right thing or am I leading him on? I don't think I'm leading him on...for this guy, I truly want to be his friend WITHOUT the option.

So, should I go for it or no? I need the practice anyway for when I actually do go out for real for coffee with a guy I'm really into. And anyway, I could use more friends in my life.

I have another question to ask, but I'll save that for next time...Please bear with me on this and my other posts because this is my first...no wait, second time I've been asked out (the first time, I turned the guy down because I really wasn't into him either). And I haven't been in the dating world for over a decade (been doing the OLD for about 7-8 months now).

Thank you for all of your opinions/advice.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 7:17pm

If he states that he is OK with friends then I see no problem.

I would think that most of us want to spend the time and money looking for a lover/partner instead of a opposite gender friend.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:32pm

<>

Thanks, Mark, for your reply.

There's different ways of reading that statement you typed, but I see what you're saying.

My other question I was going to ask was what should I wear to a weekend coffee "date" with an opposite gender friend? Do I go casual (jeans and sneakers) or should I make an effort to look nice (jeans and heeled shoes)? I know, it's just a meet between friends...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 11:05pm
As long as he understands 100% that you are not interested in him romantically, that's OK but do not go into this viewing it as "practice".

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for k3of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:08pm

I have to agree with the others.

If you make it clear that you are interested in him as a friend only and are not looking for any romantic developments, then you're being honest with him and the choice becomes his as to whether he wants to proceed. If you do not let him know this up front, then in my book, you're not really being fair to your date... or to yourself.

Also, if you two *do* meet, be sure to pay for your share!! If you think that might be awkward, you could arrive a little early and buy your coffee before he arrives. That makes it really easy. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 4:32pm
So what did you decide?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 4:31pm

vexer --

Thank you for asking me what my decision was because I'm in another predicament.

I told him that we could go for coffee instead of lunch. Thing is (and this is true), my sister is flying to NYC towards the end of the week (which is actually today). So, I would let him know if we can have coffee this weekend.

He writes back, "sure. that sounds will be great. you can ask you sister to come out for a coffee if she dont mind."

Does that sound weird to you? What came to my mind when I read that was - ask my sister to come along so he can ask her out instead? I know it's a coffee "date" between two "friends", but still...asking my sister to come along?

I think I'll tell him that I can't make it this weekend (which is the truth because I really want to spend time with my sister) and if he asks again, I think I'll tell him we can't be friends. After that statement, it makes him look like a weirdo.

Perhaps I'm taking this the wrong way? What do you all think? Should I go through with this coffee "date" (sans my sister)? I don't know if you all know how I'm feeling right about now -- maybe the word is a little "disgusted"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 4:47pm

Actually, I don't see that as strange at all.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for k3of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:26pm
I agree with Vex on this one. The guy might have thought it was a polite invitation. Your sister is from out of town, so if you met him (sans sister) you'd have to leave her alone and he probably assumed you wouldn't want to do that. I think it was a nice invitation. Plus, taking your sister along not only gives you a nice buffer, but it gives you an excuse to keep the outing very short (should you want to).
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:32pm

OMG! The guy is just trying to be nice, for crying out loud!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
In reply to: cunygrad2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 8:31pm

<<...The guy is just trying to be nice, for crying out loud!>>

vexer, k3of3, and Sheri: thank you for smacking me around (haha)

I will continue to have coffee with the guy...although, it'll most definitely have to be next weekend because I really want to see my sister.

I will keep you posted on what happens. I'll probably end up spilling coffee on myself...or even worse, on him! (haha) I'm gonna be a nervous wreck...

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