Financial problems
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Financial problems
| Sun, 02-26-2006 - 2:23am |
I know this has been discussed before- and it's a very important topic. What do you do when you find out the man you are dating has been or is in financial trouble? Say bankruptcy, severe debt and/or bad credit?
Is this a dealbreaker for you. What are your biggest concerns? He's a great guy otherwise. Do you keep trucking? Does age influence your decision?

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I would definitely move on. People with bad spending habits rarely change.
I had a BF who had a PHD, spoke 5 languages and had good and bad jobs yet he was always indebted no matter how much or how little he made and I m talking some 40K or more.
Guys like this will never settle anyway and will not have the money to go out for dinners and parties... so why do you want to be with him.
I know this may sound materialistic but when men have trouble they dont see anyone else in their life
Why not find out why???
I just cashed out most of my 401k to pay off debt from my divorce because I don't want to file bankruptcy, but I know quite a few people who have filed bankruptcy, and quite a few that post on these boards that probably wouldn't admit it if outright asked because it tends to get a lot of shame but I have no shame in the matter, I went through a divorce, my ex husband was a spender, when I went through the divorce I was only making 9 bucks an hour, at the time I got shoved into paying everything myself a 525 apartment, a 260 a month car payment and half his spending debt shoved onto me while he trotted off to share a 1/2 of a 250 low income rent with his mistress...there were months I had to use a credit card to buy groceries, then my car needed repairs, I went into the hospital for surgerie, life happens, you go into debt. But 8 years later I climbed out...my life intact and you start over me, luckily without bankruptcy, some people not so luckily they have to file bankruptcy.
If you don't want to make a go with him then don't but I'd at least find out why the problems exist, has he been married before? Does he have child support thats bleeding him?
I'm not a fan of dating men that live at home with their parents...but I do make exceptions especially for those that have large child support payments and just can't make it on their own while support a household elsewhere. Weigh the pros and cons of whether or not he guy is worth it.
For me? It would be a deal breaker. I am just divorcing the WORST financially irresponsibl person on this earth. He basically refused to work & then called me names when i said we were too broke for him to buy boats ... motorcycles ... whatever.
THIS time around, no matter who it is I get involved with, i need someone who is an ADULT, & responsible. They dont need to be rich & take care of me, although i wouldnt balk at that! lol, but really, i am getting RID of my problems, I am NOT looking into taking on more!
So you are divorcing an irresponsibly financial man, is it so inconcievable that a MAN could be divorcing or have divorced an irresponsible financial WOMAN and have debt/bad credit from her???
I really despise the double standard on these boards that men are some how financially irresponsible and women aren't...bad things can happen to men too...men can go through divorce and have screwed up credit because of spouses as well. I'd hate to see this poor guy cast away without finding out the real reason why he's in debt. If he's there because of poor choices he made then for sure don't date him.
But you dated a financially irresponsible man right, what if your credit has suffered because of that and the next man that dated you said I can't date you because you are financially irresponsible and you tried to explain to him that your credit isn't poor because YOU were irresponsible but rather your exhusband was and he just threw up his hand and said oh please, I can't hear your excuses...this is a dealbreaker for me...I'm not saying that this man she's dating is not financially irresponsible but shouldn't she find out first before throwing him out the door?
Actually, the question doesn't pertain to anyone in particular. I'm not dating anyone at the moment- just throwing a question out there.
But let's assume the financial troubles are due to irresponsibility, and that a divorce, kids, alimony, property division are not part of the equation.
It wouldn't be an automatic dealbreaker, but it would be a red flag, and I'd need to know things like, how long ago was it, has he realized the error of his ways and turned things around, or is he still spending recklessly, things like that.
Sheri
It would depend on whether you are interested in him for just a friend and casual dating, or if you are contemplating marriage.
But, you need to be fair. Were there unavoidable circumstances that led to bankruptcy, or was/is the individual just irresponsible? It is only fair to discover what really happened before making judgement.
The reason I say this is because I was married to a very irresponsible man who spent every cent he could get his hands on....it's a long story, but I finally divorced him and have spent the last 7 years getting myself out of debt and rebuilding my credit and good name following bankruptcy. I would certainly not want anyone prejudging me as being an irresponsible deadbeat. Yes, it is true I made a bad choice when I married him, but that is in the past..and if I were ever to meet a man whom I would love to spend the rest of my life with, I would pray he would not hold my ex's irresponsibilities against me.
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