Finding out on first meet.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Finding out on first meet.....
8
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 10:52am
Found out on first meet that this guy has Muscular Dystrophy. He says he usually doesn't tell someone this info in the first hour he meets them. He asked if he scared me away. I said no but that it did shock me because he looks like such a big strong guy. Right now he only has weakness in one arm and can't lift it very far. We did meet a second time and I thought things went well but the MD thing
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:19am

That is why we date, it was just a date not a marriage proposal. If you decide not to see him again that is your choice.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:49am

Yeah, I have to agree with Peanut here.. It's only been two dates and your ALREADY stressin..I know I would probably feel the same way as you, but you can't take on his health issues just because you're trying to make yourself NOT feel so shallow (Which your not.). Just be thankful that he was upfront about it...some may have not been so gracious.

Just be respectful and kind when talking to him about it. I'm sure you will, but who knows maybe it could still be a friendship...

Take care
Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:05pm

Have you done research on MD? Does it progress? Are you thinking MS?

I am on the opposite spectrum of this subject. I had a spinal injury that causes me balance and coordination issues and I use a cane. When I initially got sick my friends divided and I am left with the ones that could handle it and the others were weak and wimpy and walked away. My take on this is we cannot be judged on our weaknesses because it isn't who we are. That man may treat you like you have never been treated before. I will not stereotype any disabled person but we only ask that you give us a fair chance.

Ask yourself if he didn't have this slight imperfection would you date him a 3rd time? If you would then do so.

Make sure you know that this disease is going to progress before you fear that his weaknesses will worsen.

F

p.s. In your defense it isn't fair of him to NOT tell you prior to the 1st date. Honesty is important and something that important needs to be relayed while still chatting online. That is my opinion. I fear that horrified look of someone that I wasn't honest to in the beginning. Sure it eliminates most people because they want someone without imperfections but honestly doesn't everyone have imperfections. Mine is just my legs and I have a way cool cane.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:28pm

From what I've read about MD it does progress. Some types

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 3:32pm

If you have children it might be too much of a burden to deal with a cripple. I just hope someone feels differently or else he and I will never ever find love ever again.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 4:08pm

It's tough..It's alot to take on, and I would have a hard time getting past the reality of it. And the reality is that he will decline, and it WILL get harder, and you will definately become more dependent on. I am all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, and quite frankly, if he was just wheelchairbound, or something that was permanent rather than degenerative, I would have to side with one of the other posts that said she had a really cool cane...BUT the reality is that he is just going to decline. And you have to decide if that is something that you are willing to take on... ya know?

Just my opinion..
no judgements here..
Take care
Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 5:40pm

We are all dying each day our life is declining. It is National MS Week please do all the research on this disease. Everyone needs love regardless of there limitations even if it's just for a moment.

P.S I was in a car accident yesterday I could hav easliy lost my life or had serious injuries and I would hope that my potential boyfriend wouldn't ditch me.

I say give it a chance this relationship can only make you stronger.


BABY GIRL DUE ON JUNE 25TH
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 11:01am

I'm glad you were ok in your accident yesterday. I don't think anyone here is saying that we think this person is bad or worse yet, not worthy of love. That is the farthest from the truth from what I read and what I've been trying to communicate to others here. However, we are talking about a person who is having doubts on whether or not to continue a relationship that she may not feel comfortable with.

To make her feel as if she needs to continue see him to make herself not look shallow to others I feel is unfair. She has to be honest with herself and the man that she is potentially thinking about getting closer to. If she shuts off her gut feeling and pretends that it doesn't bother her, later down the road, when it becomes intimate, becomes personal, and exclusive, and if and when he declines, she may leave.

Where as , if she is honest with herself now, really analyizes the situation, does the reading, talks to him more about what exactly is in his future for this condition, then makes a decision, she will come out with not only her head held high for respecting herself, but also for respecting him and his needs and feelings NOW rather than later.
He WILL see this, and not slight her for it, even though it may hurt.

Just IMO

Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192