First Date Protocol- ? from a guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
First Date Protocol- ? from a guy
20
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 1:44pm

Hi, I've been on and off of the online dating scene for a while, with brief successes here and there, but more rarely than often.


Is there any particular way women prefer the first date to be?

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:32pm

When you say "first date" do you mean the first time you are meeting someone from an online dating site? I personally don't call these "dates" I call them "meets," but that's just me. I prefer a low-pressure first meeting over coffee or drinks, and actually, I prefer over drinks. If you really are hitting it off, you can always go to dinner (hey, and I guess that would then be a date at that point).

Some women are uncomfortable meeting for dinner as a first meet, they feel more "obligated" because the man is paying. And if they don't feel much attraction, then there's even more pressure.

I would not really like a man to bring a flower to a first meet either, although I think some women would really like that. I don't think I'd really like a flower on the first actual date, either (no one has ever done that). It kind of depends on the guy and how I feel about him. It's not that I'm not romantic, it just seems a bit much so soon. Now, I LOVE flowers, and after a few dates, a bouquet would be lovely--but something small and low-key. Also, if I invite a man to dinner at my house, flowers would be wonderful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 2:50pm

Yes, I should have mentioned it's the first meeting.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 4:24pm

Hmmm, that's interesting. Usually when a guy has suggested we meet, he'll suggest a place so that I know if it's coffee, drinks, etc. No worries, though. You could suggest meeting for drinks ("How about we meet for drinks at The Uptown Bar?"), and pick a place that has a bar but also serves tappas, or a restaurant nearby. That way if drinks go well you can suggest getting dinner, or just stay there and have tappas. I met a guy last summer at a wine bar after work, and we also ended up getting a cheese plate. I thought that was just right.

You could ask her what she prefers, but then that kind of puts the woman on the spot. She won't want to suggest somewhere expensive, or somewhere that you don't want to go. I think that most women doing online dating are used to inexpensive first meets—I don't think they are expecting—or even wanting—dinner. Now, if you live far apart from each other (like in different cities), a dinner might be more in order.

Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 7:32pm

I agree with everything I've read - no flower on the first date, dinner is not necessarily expected, so meeting for drinks where you can also order appetizers is a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2009
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 7:40pm

i'm definitely more of a coffee '1st meet' woman.

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 10:45am
Hey, I'm one of those "older ladies" and I would think the pink rose is just too corny. The only time I ever got flowers on a first meet was when I went out w/ a florist! He did actually ask me what my favorite flower was (iris) and he had them in the car and when we finished dinner, he gave me a huge bunch of them, but then I figure he was writing it off as a business expense. lol This was one of the more boring dates too--we actually went to a really nice restaurant but he was one of those guys who was impressed w/ himself and how much money he had--he didn't go into the florist business because he liked flowers, just to make money, and then he said that he didn't really like kids and I had 2 of those, so no go there.
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 8:04pm

"older lady" here too.........flowers are too forward for the first date/meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 12:03am

That seems odd. I've never met someone who wanted to jump right to a meeting without at least e-mailing for a reasonable amount of time.


I even insist on a phone conversation before a first meet-up. I like to get some sense of a person beyond their electronic personna before I decide whether I want to meet him.


If you feel strongly about this, be honest. Tell him you'd prefer e-mailing or talking by phone first.


If he doesn't respect that and pushes the issue, you're under no obligation to keep communicating.


There's no reason you should ever feel uncomfortable while dating.


Good luck and let us know what happens.


Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 5:13pm

I agree with the other posters, it's best to do something casual like coffee/lunch/drinks for the first meet.


I also agree that the rose is too much for the first meet...I'd save that for a 2nd date, at least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sat, 01-23-2010 - 8:29pm

I agree with the others. When I was OLD, I preferred to meet for coffee/tea but lunch would be my second choice. I am not much of a drinker and also found it more comfortable to recognize someone I had only seen in a picture on a computer monitor in a smaller setting. The flower would scream of trying too hard for me and I am 47. I think its better to keep the pressure at a minimum.

Good luck with the meet.

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