first meet, who pays??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
first meet, who pays??
15
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 9:53pm

Please help me with this question...when you meet for the first time, whether coffee or dinner (I'm trying to do more coffees & fewer dinners), WHO PAYS? I'm old-fasioned & tend to assume the guy pays, but it seems kind of hard on the men. However, I wouldn't want to start what might become a dating trend with the person either.

I don't know what's best....

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:01pm
I usually offer to may my share, then he'll either accept it or he'll insist on paying then I let him. I'm cool with splitting the bill, though in past threads of this nature the ladies say they like the guy to pay.
I'd say it ususally depends on how the date is going. If there's gonna be a second date the guy usually offers to pay. So it seems.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:57pm

I know there are those on this board who will disagree with me, HOWEVER, I totally expect the man to pay. I wouldn't even consider paying. Not for the first several dates, in fact. Then I will begin to contribute here and there but I will never offer to split the bill in a restaurant or anything like that. Either he pays or I do but no "dutch treats".

Now I will qualify this by saying that I'm at an age where we are possibly more financially secure than we were when we were in our 20s or 30s. The men I date generally make a very good living and also about 4 times what I make! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:28pm

Totally agree w /DEBBie. I always expect the man to pay but I do offer the first few times then stop as most of the men i date want to pay and get offended when i offer.

I believe it shows how the man is going to be in the future. To me a guy that pays or declines me to pay shows respect for me.. I know some will disagree but i have always felt that way.. I have only had it happen once or twice in my life and found the reason why they didn't want to pay was because they are cheap and CHeap AND ME DON'T GET ALONG. as i am not..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:35pm
First couple dates, man should pay, if he doesn't pay at first 3 dates, dump him! ( I am a "rule" girl :P) UNLESS, you do not want to go out on a date with him any more, you can offer to pay.......and seriously, if the guy is really interested in you, it will not be a problem---> to pay your dinner!! Plus you seem a reasonable girl!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 3:59am

I always insist on paying for everything. If a woman doesn't want me to pay (apart from a polite/token attempt to pay or split the bill) then I take that as a sign she doesn't want a second date. I've been led to believe women do this so they don't feel as if they owe the man anything.

My advice: If you enjoy the first date and want a second, let the man pay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 8:07am
I expect the man to pay but I always offer money on the first date. I don't say "Lets split the check" I usually say, would you like some money and he usually says No. But I've had a few take it and I usually throw like 10 bucks their way.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:11am

I like to be courted, so I prefer that the guy pay for the first handful of dates. I will reciprocate by the 4th date or so.

It's a turn-off to me if he doesn't pay...to me, it sends the message that he's either cheap, or not all that interested in me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:36am
I agree whole heartedly with Sheri.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:43am

I agree with the rest of the "old fashioned girls". I haven't "dated" a ton, because I was married 9 years, and am with the 2nd OLD guy I went out with for 9 months now... and he STILL has a hard time letting me pay for anything.... I mean, I do, but rarely. In fact, he "courts" my daughters as well... in fact, took us away for a week vacation, didn't let me pay for any of the house rental, meals out, amusement park stuff, etc... I made one trip to the grocery store while we were there. This man is a believer in "courting" from the beginning, and "providing" thereafter.

I wouldn't offer to pay on a first date... I agree that men of my "age" should and can expect and afford to treat their "date". Along with this, I would never "ask" someone out for the first date... again, I want to be courted. He wants to date me, he will ask me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:05pm
For a first meet, I try to pay for myself - usually by getting there a few minutes early and getting my coffee before he arrives. But the last few first meets I've had, he's paid.


Pages