first meet, who pays??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
first meet, who pays??
15
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 9:53pm

Please help me with this question...when you meet for the first time, whether coffee or dinner (I'm trying to do more coffees & fewer dinners), WHO PAYS? I'm old-fasioned & tend to assume the guy pays, but it seems kind of hard on the men. However, I wouldn't want to start what might become a dating trend with the person either.

I don't know what's best....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:53pm
See, I don't really consider a first meet a date. It's like a pre-date - something quick and easy to do - a coffee or a quick drink. I will sometimes do what sisfox does and pay for myself by virtue of being their early, or offer to pay for myself. If/when it progresses to a "real" date, then we'll work something out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:50pm

If a guy is nice enough, he wouldn't let you pay even you offered.

There was a guy i met he never asked me to pay even I asked for it, whenever I asked for it, he would say he knew I wouldn't want to see him again, i didn't want to give him wrong message, then I stopped asking for paying... and yes, if I don't want to see him again or I just want to be friend, i don't let the guy pay all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 3:06pm

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I don't know what's best....>>

I'm pretty traditional or "old-fashioned" myself when it comes to whether the man should pay or not. If he is a gentleman type in the traditional-sense and if he initiated or asked you out he "should" pay. Coffee is not that expensive and it is not hard on the man. If he whines and complains, or makes a face about having to pay, then that is a sign of what type of guy you have, he's not the "old-fashioned" type.

If that's what you are used to (the guy paying and initiating) don't settle or compromise
what you are comfortable with. There's a lot of guys (online and offline) that have no problems paying for the dates.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 9:34am
My last "date" the bill was $120. Who should pay?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 10-22-2005 - 8:55pm

Wow, thanks all...I'm so relieved to hear that the general concensus is to let him pay. I do like to be "courted", and at my age (40) if he can't afford a dinner, maybe I shouldn't be dating him. Like I said, I'm trying to do more first meets as coffee, so that we have a better idea if we want a first actual date & no one has to put out a lot of money. But I wasn't sure if things had changed...

We're meeting up on Tuesday for coffee. Also, he called me to see if I was free over the weekend, but I wasn't. Sounds promising...I'll let you all know. This is the "5 kids" guy.

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