First "meeting" vs first date??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
First "meeting" vs first date??
4
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 6:53pm
Hi all...new to this board, but not to online dating. Been on and off match and yahoo for about 1 1/2 yrs now.
I noticed that some of you refer to first meetings as opposed to first dates. And, i've been im'ing a guy i'm supposed to see next weekend. Seems very nice and we have great chats. Talked to him on the phone a couple times and he has a great voice...lol...whatever that means, right?
Anyway, he even made reference to our "meeting" not being a date. Is this a new thing? Aren't they ALL dates? I know the first is usual the "drive by startbucks coffee date"....that's what i like to call them anyway.
So...like to have everyone's take on what they think? Thanks for your opinions.
Good luck to all!
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 7:53pm

Most of us that have been doing this awhile refer to it as a meeting not a date. For me, a date seems more intimate. I don't know this person very well at all. I have emailed them a few times, talked on the phone and we have agreed to meet. It is kind of a way of keeping perspective on things. A "date" is a romantic word to me. The first time you meet an OL person, in my mind, I am doing more of an interview almost than a date. We meet, we talk and ask each other questions. I have no idea if there will be any kind of connection in person or not. If I view it as a meeting not as a date, I keep my expectations in check and if there is no romance or chemistry, there is nothing lost. If there is something, that is a bonus and we can move on to a "date" the next time we go out. Does that make sense?

I think it just all comes from not letting emotions get out of hand.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 7:54pm

I think it was LG that has been most strongly popularizing the notion of the first time you meet up with someone being more of a "first meeting" as opposed to a "first date".

The thinking, as I understand it, is that "dating" has so many connotations- there's probably kissing involved, it leads to sex and marriage and babies and all kinds of horribly ugly stuff...

But more importantly, a "date" usually seems to have more emotional significance wrapped up in it. What we call something shouldn't make that big a difference in how we think about it, and yet we know that words have great power.

So to call the first time a "meeting" instead of a "date" seems to help us keep in mind that this OLD thing is not really like "traditional" dating. It also helps us keep things in perspective. (At least, it helps me this way- dunno about others.)

We can't be looking at it as though we already know the person through our emails and IMs and phone chats; the way we really get to know someone is to spend time with them, see them in action, see what they're like.

Therefore, to remind ourselves that we do NOT really know someone (even though we often have a false sense of familiarity with them), we call it a "first meeting". We're not really "dating" the person yet; we're seeing what they look like, how they interact with us in person, and from that meeting we can make a determination if this is someone we want to date or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:02am
I agree with everyone, date involves some feelings. I had meetings until the third time. Until the third, I felt it like an interview (since he sounded so happy & successful with his career, life etc. vs. I wasn't in the great situation) but on the third meeting, we found a common ground and hit right off. He kissed me and we got more emotionally involved. Ever since, we've had dates. You wouldn't call the first meeting a date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:32pm

I agree with what everyone else has already said. How can it be a "date" if you do not know the person? I can't even say it is similar to a blind date as that usually involves someone knowing sombody else so there is knowledge of the person via a third party. With OLD, you don't know this person at all, regardless of how many emails/texts/IM you have exchanged they are still a virtual stranger. It is like going to a party with a friend, you are going to meet new people and you have no expectations from any new person you meet at that party, it is just some new people you met.

my .02. :)

best of luck

J