first weekend getaway - who pays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
first weekend getaway - who pays?
6
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:29am

Hi,

My guy and I had our first overnight trip last weekend (he invited me). We went with a group of his friends but had our own room. The hotel was paid by him when we checked in. For meals, he paid for me as well. I now feel bad that I didn't offer to pay my share since everybody paid their own portion. It was just awkward for me that everyone was reaching out for their wallet and I just sat there! Well, my wallet was left in the car both times so I couldn't do anything anyway, but I've always felt uncomfortable at situation like this - when I know that even if I offer to pay, I'd be politely declined anyway. So far, I've offered to pay twice - on the first date I suggested going dutch, and then on another date that I initiated, I'd told him beforehand that it'd be my treat this time. But both times, he didn't let me pay. So after that I kind of just let him pay. I cooked twice and invited him over since he never let me pay. I am not the kind of woman who thinks that guys should pay all the time, but what do you do at situation like this?

Back to the weekend pay problem... I sent him an email after we return, asking him how much I owe. We talked on the phone since but no mention of that. I am also concerned that his friends now all think that I expected him to pay for me all the time... I now learned a lesson though - always have your wallet with you and cash!

Jess

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:56am
Since he invited you I think it is fine that he paid for the room. I probably would have tried to pay for some of the meals, but if all of them were with his friends that might not have worked as I don't think most guys will let you pay if they are around their friends. Anyway, I would tell him that you really appreciate his taking you away for the weekend and you would like to do something nice for him in return. Tell him you where would like take him, that it is your treat, and when the check comes smile and pick it up before it hits the table. If he wrestles it out of your hand, then it is time for a discussion about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 11:47am

I think you have the right attitude about not wanting to look like you expect the guy to pay for everything each time. I'm an independent woman with my own money and don't think that the man should always pay every time. I think it's fine to cook for your guy at your house, and I think it is fine for him to cook for you as well (if he is into cooking). Eating out doesn't have to put a huge strain on anyone's wallet in my opinion. Likewise, I detest someone who is extremely cheap. My ex was a real tightwad, so I'm also on guard for men who are like that.

Thankfully, my current guy does not seem to be like that, although I also don't think he'd fight me if I wanted to pay for a meal out either. I am actually more comfortable with fixing a meal at my place than I am just paying for a meal out, although I do plan on doing that as well at some point. I'm going to have to figure out what else I can cook besides "lasagna". Something easy as I am no Martha Stewart when it comes to cooking. :0 LOL

As for the weekend trip, I think I would have talked about the expenses beforehand and made sure that he knew you were willing and wanting to pay for part of it. The fact that he didn't let you is a plus though. Sounds like he's a nice guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:05pm
Lasagna! Even that's too elaborate for me! LOL. :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:54pm
I use an easy recipe I got off the web and do not boil the noodles beforehand (saves a lot of time & mess). I split the recipe into 2 pans and freeze them if I'm not ready to bake it. I usually have at least one ready in case I need it for company or a church dinner type thing. I need to find some other easy recipes though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 2:04pm

I like the recipes on Williams-Sonoma: http://ww5.williams-sonoma.com/ Most of them are pretty elaborate but good for when you have guests.

Sorry, didn't mean to abuse the board. I'll stop now. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 2:01pm

He sounds like a nice guy. I think you did the right thing. I like the idea of talking about it. If he still insists next time leave money with a note where he can see it. You offered that was good on your part don't be concerned what his friends may think they should know him and who cares. I'm sure that he will vouch for you not being a gold digger.

Enjoy your relationship!


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