follow up or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
follow up or not?
9
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 9:48pm

i'm new to match and it's been ok so far. i have gotten a lot of initial emails, most of them lame, but a few interesting. i have yet to initiate a message to anyone.

i recently got an email from a guy that peaked my interest - he was so cute! and his profile and message had a very relaxed feel which i like. we've exchanged about 4-5 emails total over 1.5 weeks. we were both very upfront about being interested in getting to know each other better and he suggested getting dinner. i agreed and suggested we look to the following week. he responded that "dinner next week sounds awesome" , but he wasn't sure of his schedule yet because his work schedule changes a lot. and then he gave me his number. so i replied that he should touch base once he has a better idea of his schedule and gave him my number. then radio silence. i noticed he didn't log on for the next five days, but he did last night and i have still yet to hear from him.

so, do i just forget it and move on or do i attempt at some kind of follow up? my instinct told me he was sincere in getting together so i find it very bizarre that he went mia. or is this just the way it works?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 11:55pm

Unfortunately, that's just the way it works sometimes. It's common for people to communicate with several people at the same time. So perhaps he is just unsure of his work schedule, or perhaps he's momentarily distracted by another conversation.


You just never know. Don't take it personally.

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 4:45pm

I find it works best to assume that each communication you have with someone is going to be your last, and be pleasantly surprised if it's not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:56am

I know none of us want to look as if we are "chasing" someone - but I see nothing wrong with dropping a quick email stating "if you still are interested in dinner this week, my free nites are Tues & Friday" (or whatever) & then I would end it with "If not, best of luck to you & take care".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 5:43pm

thanks for all of the input! i like the advice of hitting send without any expectations, but i think it becomes harder once several exchanges have occurred. the funny thing is, there are some things about his profile that suggest we're probably really different in ways that actually matter so if i concentrate on that it is probably better that it didn't happen. i think i was too obsessed with the pretty. ;)

in any case, he really hasn't logged in much at all (1x over the past 1.5 weeks) so he's obviously unavailable either due to work or someone else. i suppose if i notice him logging on regularly again i might drop him one more message if i feel inspired, but otherwise forget about it. really, it's not a good sign that he can't follow through in the first place. it's interesting how with OLD etiquette just flies out the window!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 8:03am

I had someone do that to me a few weeks back. We emailed back and forth for about two weeks, every day. In fact, he even made a comment when he "missed" a day, and referred to our "you email in the morning, I respond at night" routine. He told me about his child, his thanksgiving plans, asked about my kids. Wished me a happy thanksgiving and I never heard from him again. He had my phone number, but never called.

Why they do this? I have no idea, but it happens all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 9:17pm
It's good to know I'm not the only one it happens to! I did write a short message last week asking if i missed something and a good luck and happy holidays. The tone was nice and light. He has not logged in since I sent it (but I'm sure he read it through the forwarded email service). Actually, I feel better for doing my part even if he never responds again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 9:02pm

Hi Startover,


wow I think thats what is happening to me right now, we had the e-mails, the texting and then the calls and we made plans to meet for my b-day yesterday the 23 and he texted me saying he was feeling really sick with a cold and I said no problem we can do this another time and have not heard from him since which is not like him. I texted him this morning saying I hope he feels better and merry christmas and nothing. I have read that happens alot, sure hope it's not happening now. Why invest so much time in someone and then disappear doesn't make any sense to me.


I am hoping I am wrong, but I won't go looking for him. To bad, I thought this was going to be something really nice, oh well, keep it moving! Good luck in your search and Merry Christmas!!


Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 2:39pm

Here's what i've found works for me personally.

Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 1:20am
Totally agree!
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

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