follow up - the stage of commitment

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
follow up - the stage of commitment
1
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:35pm


Hello everybody,

Things have made great progress a lot past a few weeks. Last time I posted wondering if M and I was in an exclusive relationship. We both hid profile a few weeks ago (I initiated the talk) and since last weekend, he's been referring me as his "girlfriend". What a progress! He basically registered me as his official girl friend without getting a confirmation from me. I asked him when he mentioned "my girl friend," if that's what I really heard. And he said, "yes, I think you are my girl friend. I appreciate things you've shown me and is it ok if I say that you are my girl friend?" Then I said, "yes of course".

He's someone I've wanted to be with for a really long time. Now I am at the age thinking of settling down.

He's a business owner (consulting/business brokerage) and also he's in the local musical coming up this Friday. He was totally booked up everyday for the last a few weeks. He told me clearly when he took the part in the musical that he would make time for me and he did.

Last Thursday, I was invited to join him and his musical troops' small party and as soon as I stepped in, I noticed there was this girl heavily flirting with him. Obviously, he wanted to show her that who he's with. The problem is, we went to see this play last night and bumped into someone he knew and when M introduced me as "gf" then the guy's eyeballs were jumping out ! I wondered for a while why he reacted that way. Later I asked M about it, M explained it was because he's allegedly known as "playboy" (just from look of others, as he claims ) since he has lots of girls having crushes around him. That guy was from other musical, South Pacific, they did together back on May, 2005. M said, there was a few girls crushed on him. Also, he added, his married friends (most of them are since he's 38 and he's mixing with pretty older guys but apparently girls are young !) try to put him on the spot, just for the fun of it, since he's pretty outgoing and I think it's because he's pretty flirtatious.

I don't think I am a jealous type. He and I talked about it. He didn't believe I could be jealous. However, I think if I kept going for new events (he's such an event person. always parties or some sort to go to )then I will meet someone new who he knew for a while then if their reaction would be so jumpy like the other guy we met at the theatre, I think I might end up getting annoyed or start questioning about how he behave around girls.

I guess it already got on my nerve a bit since I got the taste of what's going to be like. (oh well, what it might be like, maybe this sounds better) My speculation isn't 100% guaranteed but there's a great possibility.

I am super conservative right in terms of taking further steps into the relationship. I am not sure now whether it's going to be a really worthwhile relationship in the long run. I understand the fact that time can only prove all about relationship.

Last thing I want from being in a relationship is finding myself sweating from little things. If things start getting to me, I am all ready to drop and move on. I've never been like this but on the flip side, my resistance also tells me how much I cherish this relationship and him. If not, I wouldn't even think so much. I want to make sure what I am getting into and I want to really put myself out there for him.

I appreciate my intuitions and senses. Sometimes, it's hard to listen what your heart and soul is telling you if you don't give yourself enough time and pay attention. I want things to be natural.

I thank you for your insights in advance.

Jamie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 10:05pm

Well, IMO, you don't get to be known as a "player" because girls have crushes on you and you don't get to have a lot of girls with crushes on you for doing absolutely nothing. He sounds like maybe he's a flirt.

But, that said, maybe his friends are surprised because they've always known him as a flirt and now he's settling down with you and that's something new to them. It's not a BAD thing to them or to you, but it's simply something they're not used to seeing - him, not flirting and with one steady girl. I think it's important to listen to your instinct, but also take everything with a grain of salt. He's calling you his girlfriend, he's making it very clear to friends and flirting girls that he's with YOU. He does seem committed to you. If your uneasy feeling gets worse, then call him on his actions and the reputation as a flirt. Otherwise, why not give him the benefit of the doubt until HE gives you reason to doubt him, not his friends.

Good luck!

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