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| Tue, 05-02-2006 - 10:23am |
Okay.
So I’m new to the whole “internet dating” thing. It feels kind of strange, you know…a bit contrived, like it’s not natural. I'm slowly overcoming that way of thinking and just seeing it as a different way to meet men. I’ve met a couple of decent guys. One guy, I’ve met and had lunch with. He’s really, really, cool. We have a second date on Saturday. We really hit it off, y’all. I enjoy talking to him. So, here’s the point of my post. I am the kind of person who tends to get attached to men really quickly. This is me, in general; it has nothing to do with online dating. Does anyone have any tips for just taking things slowly and enjoying getting to know people? I tend to meet a guy, put all my eggs in that basket right away, and close my eyes to other guys. I’ve actually had contact with another guy I met online who seems cool, too. I don’t want to get so wrapped up in guy 1 that I don’t open myself up to getting to know guy 2. The lure of online dating is that you’re meeting someone who has the qualities that you’ve spelled out that you want in a prospective significant other. This guy, guy 1, has most of those qualities; I could see myself with a guy like him. However, I’m sure he isn’t the only one with those qualities. I just don’t want to rush into anything with anyone. At the same time, I don’t want to be a serial online dater. I’d like for something to materialize with someone in the near future.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Mali

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Okay, so the guy who I was telling you about hasn't called me in three days. Now, this isn't a big deal because it's not like he and I are a couple. However, he was calling me daily since Tuesday and then....
He and I had somewhat of a deep conversation Tuesday evening. Basically, he told me that he's an impulsive spontaneous person. For example, if he's "feeling" a woman and they're "vibing", he doesn't have a problem gettting physical. I think I said this in a previous post....Anyway, I told him that I'm a little bit more conservative than that: I make it a practice to not get physical with someone who I barely know AND I also prefer to not have a relationship that is solely sexual and to be in an exclusive relationship with a man that I'm having sex with. I guess I said ALL the wrong things, huh? LOL! He said that people have physical urges and needs, and that there's nothing wrong with satisfying those needs with someone that you're confortable with. I told him that it isn't enough for me to be "comfortable"; I need to know a man before I have sex with him!!! He went on to ask me if I have a "three month or three year rule." I told him that I don't put a time stamp on when I have sex; however, I don't do it within the first month of knowing a guy.....
Long enough story short, he thinks I'm a prude! We planned a date for Sunday, and I'm not sure if we're still on. I called him yesterday to ask if we are, and I haven't gotten a returned call. Another thing I've noticed (I may just be paranoid): since we IM each other, I can tell when he's online and he's ALWAYS online. I think that he may be making himself "invisible" so that he won't have to communicate with me. I know it may seem like I'm being paranoid; however, when someone goes from ALWAYS being online to NEVER being online, it's noticeable.
So, should I assume that I've been blown off and that there will be no date on Sunday? Should I call him again about Sunday? I'm talking to another guy who seems really cool and we're hitting it off too, so I'm not really stressing. I am a little disappointed, though because I thought that we had hit it off.
Edited 5/5/2006 2:31 pm ET by mali2579
Yes, it sounds like you are being blown off, I'm sorry to say. I definitely would NOT call him again, but I would send him an email saying something like, "I tried calling to confirm our plans for Sunday, but since I haven't heard from you, I'm assuming you changed your mind, so I am not planning to be there unless I hear from you." That way, you know that he had notice that you weren't going to be there and you won't have any guilt about standing him up (if that's something you'd feel ;-)).
The guy was pretty clearly looking primarily for sex, so if that's not your primary focus in dating (and it doesn't sound like it is), no big loss!!!
Sheri
<<I guess I said ALL the wrong things, huh? LOL!>>
Absolutely not!!
I was half-joking, half serious when I made that comment. You know, I was having a talk with a friend of mine today, and we were saying how it sometimes feels like the way we are about dating and men and relationships can make it where we're lonely sometimes. I respect people who feel like they can have sex quickly and not have guilt about it. I just know that I'm not that person. I haven't dated in a while because I was in a relationship for nearly a year and it ended recently. In that relationship, I feel like things got physical too quickly. I said to myself, "I wonder what it would be like if this time around, I just decided to abandon my morals and my beliefs and see what happens." I don't think that I'd be too happy with myself if I did. Anyway, I appreciate your reply.
Mali
The guy called me and asked me why I kicked HIM to the curb....go figure. He thought that I didn't want to be bothered with him anymore. Maybe he's trying to play some kind of game. Who knows?? I don't know what to think about him. He said that he's been in Florida with his kids and wasn't blowing me off. He said that he tried to call me, but didn't leave messages. I checked my caller ID and he did call. Whatever. I won't focus on this one too much.
Thanks again for the advice.
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