Found me a fireman - I'm too shy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Found me a fireman - I'm too shy
2
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:07pm

A local fireman has instant messaged me, and after 5 minutes of chatting, he asked me for a date the next day. I have never dated through instant messaging before, and told him I was going to be busy, and perhaps some other time.

I'm a shy gal, and am afraid that if I don't get the opportunity to chat with him online to show him my uninhibited self, he's going to meet me and think I'm as dull as heck. I can be quite humorous and talkative, but only after I warm up to people.

What should I do?

Avery

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:20pm
You should try and continue chatting with him via IM, then move on to the phone. And then when you feel comfortable, then set a short date in a public place.
I spoke to my now husband via IM for almost a month because I am shy also. I was so shy, that I was afraid to talk to him on the phone. But he was so easy to talk to via IM, that I finally had to talk on the phone, and then we met that following weekend.
hello
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 4:59am

Avery, He's moving way too fast! Put the brakes on with this guy until you get to know a LOT more about him. Since 9/11, fireman have been placed on pedestals...and yes, they sacrifice their lives in their line of work, but so do policemen and other emergency personnel. A lot of men have been using the line that they are firemen in hopes that women will instantly think they are Gods and kiss their feet.

Be careful! You don't know this guy, you don't know if he is handing you a line to reel you in. If he is sincere, honest and has integrity, he will not expect you to throw all caution to the wind.

Anyone on the internet can say whatever they want. Learn more about him before you even begin to consider meeting him in person.

Spend more time writing back and forth...read all the "safe online dating tips" websites that will tell you what to watch out for. Talk to him on the phone several times before you make plans to meet. NEVER give him your phone number - you call him...and always ensure you press *67 before you dial so that your name/number will not be displayed on his caller ID. Do not give out your last name, where you live and/or where you work. Unless his number is unlisted or a cell phone number, you can enter his home phone number at the "reverse phone look-up" website to get his full name and address: http://www.reversephonedirectory.com/. Once you have that information you can also view your county's court website to see if this guy has any records that you should know about. There are many ways to investigate people without a fee. There are the "people search" websites that claim to give you a lot of personal information, but be careful there too, a lot of those sites are very outdated and/or don't give you the information they promise to divulge.

Just the fact that he wants to meet after only one IM makes me very nervous about him.

If you do decide to meet him (after much more communication), make plans to meet him when you are with a group of your friends. I just don't trust this guy.

Your comment about him finding you dull confirms that you have low self-esteem. And, believe me, con artists can pick up on that trait in a heartbeat. If you present yourself as a loser, you will attract losers.

I know you are wanting to meet someone and begin a relationship. However, it is not worth risking your safety just for the sake of being with a man.

Use good sound judgement, take your time, plan things out, use common sense and listen to your brain, not your heart. If I sound over-cautious, then good! If he is on the up and up, he will have no problem giving you accurate information about himself. If he ever sounds irritated that you question his claims...then run for the hills! People telling the truth would never be upset about you protecting yourself - only those with something to hide would.

Good luck and please take care of you!

Katie




Edited 7/7/2006 5:01 am ET by arizonalady2006