Found out he has drug history

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Found out he has drug history
14
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 12:34am
Started talking with a guy on Match; I discovered that his screen name is his last name. I looked him up on my state's court records; there were a few minor traffic violations (no seat belt, no insurance, etc), but there were also 2 that stuck out to me--one for possession of THC (marijuana) in which he pleaded guilty, and one for a hit and run which was dismissed. These were about 15 years ago, which would have made him about 18 at the time (we're both 33). Would this be a deal-breaker? I have never done drugs, nor do I intend to start. I just wonder, since I know this info, should I chalk it up to something that maybe was an experiment, or do I have reason to be alarmed? Also, how would you go about asking someone in a not too obvious way if they ever did or still do drugs? I would like to ask him; if he lies to me, then I know to not continue communication. Any opinions would be appreciated...thanks!
    

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 2:49pm

Personally there is alot of difference between screwing up and still smoking this many years later and not tealizing what you did wasn't right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 8:32am
Thanks for the update. Jim smoking marijuana now would be a deal breaker for me so I think you made a solid decision regardless that he wanted to jump your bones...that's only strike two in my world.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 8:25am

He voiced that he wanted to jump your bones on the first date?

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Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 2:46am
Well, I had my first date with him last night. He told me straight up that he had broughtten marijuana to school with the intent to sell it. He also told me that he still smokes pot today, and has "no regrets" about doing it. He also kept bringing up sex and how he wanted to "jump my bones". Overall, he was cute and had a fun personality, but I think our values are not compatible enough to continue.
    
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 4:39pm
Lots of people do dumb stuff when they are kids. I would not rule this guy out without meeting him first...

I have a very dear friend (I actually met on OKCupid but didn't want to date) who had trouble with drugs, etc as a young man. He dropped out of HS, but eventually went back and is now a college professor! My life is definitely richer for having him as a friend, and I would hate to think I had written him off because he had a 'past history'.
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:08pm
You've been given real good advice here. Asking him point blank isn't the best idea but hidden in a conversation down the line after a couple of dates would be fine. He may be willing to open up to you about his juvenile mistakes.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:44pm

I am surprised that you can search someone's criminal records on line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 8:22pm

I never did stuff like that at 18 but I have a 22 yr old son and while he never did either of those things, he certainly did some things at 18 I would not approve of and I am sure he is ashamed of.

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 12:37pm
Just got a message from him that says he likes to surround himself with optimistic, goal-oriented people, enjoys school, and wants to keep active since he has type 2 diabetes. If this is all true, maybe it was just an experiment and he got caught and learned his lesson.

He asked me out for coffee; I think I will accept at least to get a better idea of his personality and take it from there :)
    
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:10am

He recently graduated with an Associates degree and is in school to complete a Bachelor's. He is also very active and is currently training for a 24 hour mountain bike race in the spring. He says he loves spending time with his grandma, which I think is awesome.

That all sounds like good stuff to me!

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