Freaky??
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| Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:55pm |
OK, I have mentioned my good friend/neighbor that started dating a new guy a couple months ago. She was all gushy about him at first and has been somewhat gushy about him since then (a few too many details about their sex life - thank you!). My friends and I have met him and he seems OK - perhaps a little shy but nothing too weird. Well, until now. My friend is away for work this week - out of town completely until late Friday. Well, she told me on Sunday (she called me fromt he airport) that her b/f might "be coming to hang out at her house while she was gone" because he "got kinda pouty when she was going to be gone for a whole week." Those were her words not mine. She was also the one that mentioned she thought it was kind of strange that he wanted to hang out at her place without her there. I tried to make light of it and said, "yeah, it is weird in a sort of sweet way - he wants to feel closer to you while you are gone." all the while thinking, "no, it is really just weird."
Well, I got home from work today slightly after 6 pm and his car was in the driveway. It is now almost 11 and he is still there! The more I get to know this guy and hear of him, he sounds very needy, clingy, a bit codependent and a bit desperate to be in a relationship - he has already told her he loves her (after about 6 weeks or so) and she is not the most experienced dater herself and she has never been "in love" and she says it back.
I am a bit concerned for my friend. I could see this guy turning into a stalker or one of those guys that just won't go away if you try to break up with them - you know the ones that would continue to buy you things and call and come by. When they first hooked up (that is accurate b/c they met in a bar and she brought him home the first night), she had to be "convinced" to like him. She wasn't sure there was chemistry and then she decided there was - he bought her valentine's day stuff when they had only been dating a week and was very persistent. They took a trip together a couple of weeks ago and he wanted to stop off and buy her a ring (not engagement, but a ring nonetheless). This is a guy that has had his cell phone cut off b/c he didn't pay the bill.
OK, ya'll. I am more than a bit concerned. I am worried. I know you are only getting my side of the story and I am only getting what I hear from her, but I am not convinced this is healthy. Especially after he is hanging out in her house all night! I am totally creeped out! I am going to stay out of it b/c she is a big girl, but do you think I should mention to her that he was here for several hours? I wonder if he'll stay all night? I wouldn't doubt it.

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Why does this bother you so much? She told you that she knew he would be coming over. Lots of people do that sort of thing.
Sorry, but you're starting to sound like CGUN's friend. She, too, has been exceedingly worried about CGUN's fate.
amjay
It is a feeling I have that something is not right - don't you ever get that feeling? Mine is usually right. It is the staying over in combination with all the other things - the fact that she wasn't sure about him until he "convinced" her, his getting "pouty" because she was going to be gone for a week, his asking her if he can come hang out at her place while she was gone (it was his idea, not hers), his clingy/needy behavior (he doesn't have any friends so he spends all his non-working time with her), the telling her he loves her after only a few weeks, the wanting to buy her a ring and other presents when he can't even pay his bills, the fact they hooked up in a bar when they were both drunk and slept together the first night... these all just make my radar go up. She also makes a lot of excuses and such for him - almost trying to explain away certain idiosyncracies.
I have not brought any of this up with her because I don't want to butt my nose in (like Stacey's friend), but I honestly get the feeling he would not take it well if she were to break up with him - I think he has stalkerish tendencies or at least he would try to convince her otherwise. Stacey's friends fears are mostly unfounded because it doesn't seem there is much to base them on, but in this case, there are several things that are "odd". That and the fact that her desperation to be in a relationship and snapping up the first guy that has come along.
And yes, she knew he was coming over, but she didn't know he was spending the night without her there. I'd let all my other feelings go by the wayside and was even more open to him until the call when she said he'd be coming over to hang out while she was gone and then the fact that he stayed all night. If she knew he was staying for more than a few hours to do his laundry, she didn't tell me and she'd told me in the first place so I wouldn't be surprised if I saw his car when I got home. I think that she would have told me if she'd expected him to stay overnight so that I wouldn't be surprised on that either.
Vexer,
That's the difference between you & my friend.
Yes, your situation does sound like it is getting worse! Yikes! As unfortuate as it is, you might have to just stay away from her or at least keep her at arm's length. There is no reason to feel bad about it - she is making you unhappy to be around her, one of those "toxic friends". You don't need to deal with that crap! :-)
Well, the guy spent the night over at her house AGAIN last night. It had looked like he had left the house sometime during the day yesterday or at least moved his car. The part that creeps me out about last night evem more is I went out last night and when I was on my way to my car through the backyard, I could see the TV was on in her bedroom but all the lights were off both in the bedroom and in the front of the house. So it seems like he was probably in her bedroom, in the dark, watching TV at her house. WTF?!?! It is just making my skin crawl thinking about it. I took my dining room chairs and shoved them under the door knobs of the front and back doors last night and made sure every lock I could put on the doors and scren doors was locked.
I was talking to a friend of ours about it and said he'd spent the night and she was creeped out for me and the first words out of her mouth were "what, is he smelling her panties or something - ICK!". She also (independent of me) said that this guy will wind up some kind of stalker if our friend were to break up with him. I am going to jokingly mention how much time he spent over there and that it was like she wasn't even gone (because this is the exact schedule they spend together when she IS in town).
And I'm sorry to keep harping on this or if it seems like I am obsessive about it, but it really is a creepy, nasty feeling I get from this guy.
Vex,
When does your friend get back in town? I can understand you being weirded out by him spending a second night at your friend's place. Did he go to work yesterday? I can't justify him being there 48 hours, unless he was asked to house sit and then I can see him just hanging out, but that's not the case here. I would be uncomfortable having a guy I've only been seeing a couple of months spending that much time alone in my place, but that's just me. Keep us posted, because I'm curious at how this will all go.
Holly
He works nights Sat-Tue and he doesn't go to work during the rest of the week. But yes, I think he spent 48 hours straight there. That was my thing too - if he was house-sitting, no big deal (well, not as big of a deal). But I was taking care of things - getting mail and packages and keeping an eye on the house. He spent the same amount of time there (maybe more) that he would have if she'd been there. Fortunately, she got back last night but his car is still here so I am not going anywhere near her side of the house. If she wants her stuff, she can come get it or I will take it over when he leaves.
I am really uncomfortable knowing that he was over there for 2 days with access to my place. Fortunately, I don't think she'd have my alarm code sitting around, but I don't know for sure. I am going to say something like "Wow! He sure had a lot of laundry!". I am interested to see her reaction when I say that he was over there for 2 days. If she knew about it and didn't tell me, I am going to be hacked off. If she didn't know, then I am going to be really worried about her. Well, I'll be worried either way, but you know what I mean.
And thanks. I'll fill you in on how it turns out. I am interested too.
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