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| Sun, 02-11-2007 - 6:12pm |
This is a continuing installment in the not-very-interesting Saga of Sean.
In our last episode, Sean got bronchitis and couldn't make it to our date last Sunday. He recouped enough for some limited IM contact during the week, but he made no plans for the weekend, which made me frustrated and impatient. Fortunately, I had plans for Saturday night with some friends.
In the hope that he will phone me, I have been blocking him on AIM (and my Yahoo IM is set so that he doesn't know when I am around) in the afternoons and evenings. I've continued to let him see me on AIM in the mornings, but I am not sure if that has been smart. On the one hand, it has kept us in touch. On the other hand, it means he doesn't need to phone. But I confess that I don't want to just disappear from AIM because he may think I am not interested.
But what is HE interested in? He has said nothing about planning another date, and when I told him where I was going on Saturday, all he said was that this was a great place and we talked about the restaurant and the guy who plays the piano there, etc. He did not ask who I was going with, and he did not say anything about our doing anything together soon now that he was better.
I think *I* am going to bring it up--simply ask him if he wants to "make up" the date we missed when he got sick last weekend. He may not have felt like going out this weekend, but surely he'll be getting back to normal now.
I am trying also to decide what to do about the IM-ing. It is getting so we talk almost every day (I think we skipped one day last week, that's all) and we chat about our days and so on. If I were available in the evening, he would probably chat some more. But these are brief chats and I think they give an illusion of closeness that is not real. I enjoy having someone to talk to in the morning, but I would rather have someone to go out with. The question is whether talking to him on IM increases or decreases the chances that he'll want to make plans to get together.
I do think that given all the evidence so far, the relationship is going to remain that of friends. But one can never have too many friends.
A few dates wouldn't be a bad idea though.
;)
Elsa

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Honey, if you come across as "desperate & pathetic" based on the posts about Sean ... what must *I* come across as with all the obsessing about my situation/exclusivity or not, with Carlos? lol
What I am reading is judgment with words like "all your typical woman's overthinking CRAP..."
Frankly I am not comfortable when someone responds to a post like that for that goes against the support philosophy of the forum. Yes cl-bklynchik?
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You're absolutely right- that was too harsh. Elarisa, I apologize.
But Mark, the point I'm trying to get across is that it *is* woman-think that she was exhibiting, woman-think that's not healthy to an open, honest relationship.
It *is* scheming to be intentionally plotting when one appears "available" on the IM list because one doesn't want to appear "too available" or whatever. I'm not making a value judgement about HER; in fact, the fact that she's wondering out loud about it tells me she is probably a pretty dang good person who's just doing a bad thing. (Happens all the time.)
Looking back at the OP, it appears that Elsa was hiding because she wanted him to call her.
Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to just say to him "hey, you know, I really prefer to chat with you on the phone, not in IM, so how about you give me a call or I call you?"
And let's face it- when she talked about how she told him she was going out on a weekend evening, and how he didn't ask who she was going with or anything- that's 100% manipulative.
It's fishing for jealousy, and that bugs me a lot. She was sniffing to see if he would be jealous or curious about her plans, and she was disappointed that he wasn't (or that he didn't SHOW it, anyway.)
To Elsa:
Elsa, when you're doing stuff like that, in my book it IS jerking him around. You might know what you're doing, but HE doesn't know what you're doing, and what you're doing is trying to figure out how into you he is without actually risking anything of yourself.
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in the long run that's not usually a good way to a solid relationship.
Look at it this way- if you took my advice, simply called him up and said you wanted to go out again, and then left it at that, then you would KNOW what he thought based on what he did.
If he asked you out, he's into you enough to go out with you again.
If he didn't, you'd know that, too.
Either way, with my plan you're ahead. With your plan, you're still wondering and being all selective about your IM availability and testing him with little hints about what you're doing on Saturday nights and trying to see if he's curious/jealous about it or whatever.
And I'm going to have to throw a BS flag (only a yellow one, not a red one) on you. First you say that "one cannot have too many friends" about the guy, then later you said that you don't need just another IM buddy and you'll block him. Which is it? Impossible to have too many friends, or would him as "just" a friend be too much of an imposition?
Yes, some of us have read more books than just HJNTIY. Yes, it's fairly simplistic. But HJNTIY is a book that directly speaks to the question you were wondering/bemoaning about- why this guy hasn't called you to ask you out yet.
So how did it all come out?
Please remember that this board is here to help others and allow people a forum to discuss their OLD questions, issues, experiences and vents. This board is not intended to be a forum to be critical or judgement of others or their posts. Of course, during the course of posting all of us will use some judgement in our responses as we respond from our own life experiences. But assuming what another poster is doing or telling them that their post is nonsense does not encompass the spirit of the board. Further, judging an entire gender based on a few experiences does not foster an environment where others feel safe to share.
What I'd like to suggest to everyone is to treat others as you would treat yourself. Use compassion. And realize that your words or attempt at humor may be coming across entirely different than what your intentions were.
If you have any questions, please feel free to
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