Friend went out with guy I'm e-mailing!
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| Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:16pm |
A few weeks ago, I e-mailed a guy from Yahoo Personals, but didn't hear anything back, so I assumed it was a no go. (This isn't the guy that hid his profile.) Well, I got an e-mail from him on Saturday that said, "I was talking to another girl when you e-mailed me, but that didn't work out, so I was wondering if you'd still like to chat?" I said sure, and we've e-mailed back and forth every day for the last 4 days. He sent me his pics, so I e-mailed them to a friend who is also on Yahoo Personals, just to get her opinion. She e-mailed me back and said that she had met him on there and had actually gone out on one date with him a few weeks ago!
She said that they just didn't talk very regularly, and they lived on opposite ends of town from each other (he lives on my end), so it just kind of waned out. But she said he had called her this weekend to ask her if she wanted to go out this Saturday, but she had plans already, and she hasn't heard from him since.
I told her that I would back off if it was weird, but she said to go ahead and see what happens with him. I think she liked him, but for some reason they didn't progress. I don't see why not, she's amazing. If I was a guy and had to choose between me and her, I'd definately choose her! lol
So, should I tell him it's not a good idea to keep talking b/c he was talking to my friend? I honestly really don't want to, he seems really promising. And she seems really OK with me talking to him, but she could just be hiding it well.
So what do I do?

This is a tough one!! Did she mean it -- or not?? I'm afraid you're going to have to decide either way. I'm glad to read that your friendship is the important thing here.
I wouldn't mention it to the guy at all. Might make things awkward, and needlessly because you haven't actually dated yet, right?
amjay
This is a very good post! Several of my friends do OLD and even though we are on different websites (some on the same); most of these guys are on various sites. My last LTR was with a guy I met online and one of my friends (former roommate) came to visit and she recognized him. Well apparently they had went out 2 or 3 times, but nothing progressed further from there. It's funny, because she "thought he was a nice guy" but he stopped calling her; while he thought "she had issues!" Funny, he was right, but that's another story! (smile)
Also, I use to send pics of guys to other friends, mainly just saying "hey, check him out, this is the guy I'm chatting with" but I also have had gfs who acted "jealous" or thought that just because they went out with him once or twice that he was off-limits. I disagree, but for the sake of friendship I refrain from forwarding pics. I honestly believe that men treat women differently (some the same) but just because you had a bad experience with a guy doesn't necessarily mean you will have one too!
A while ago I was having nice conversations via email with a guy and I mentioned it to a friend (didn't send a pic) but mentioned his email name because it was unique and she recognized it as a guy she previously talked to. She asked me how it was going, and I told her it was going well. She then stated, gee, I just wrote him yesterday just to say "hello, and if he was dating" and apparently he responded with "I'm busy and don't really have time for dating!" As such, she told me "well obviously he lied to me, and tomorrow I'm going to write him and ask him why he is talking to my friend!" I was floored and in a round about way told her well we are only chatting (not dating) and we have not even set up a meet and greet. She said regardless, I'm still sending the email. That bothered me but didn't say anymore and I have not heard from the guy anymore.
Personally, I would continue seeing the guy and NOT mention your friend to him. You guys are NOT exclusive, just in the "getting to know" each other phase and obviously seeing other people. Also, don't discuss him with your friend, if at all possible. I mean you don't need to know he is calling her scheduling dates and then he is also calling you. It's automatically assumed but I don't want to know or see it! (smile)
Also, the bottom line ALL my friends are seeking a guy for a possible LTR. When I met my guy, it seems as if I became the "poster child" for OLD and others were jealous -- trying to find fault, all of a sudden OLD is for desperate women or all the men on there have issues! All stemming from the fact that they couldn't seem to meet a man interested in a LTR. Again, that's another story about the expectations of my friends! We don't agree on a bunch of topics when it comes to relationships! (smile)
Do what's comfortable for you.