Friends with Benefits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Friends with Benefits?
24
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 8:31am

Hi guys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 2:45pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 4:26pm

You betcha he can. My "toxic man" (to borrow the phrase) is the same way. Won't commit to not seeing others (though as of today has NO job, NO money, overweight, car soon to be repossessed, moving in with his mom...what a catch), but still wants me around. As a FWB.

He looovvveeeesss me. As a FWB. He wants to see me, text me, have me in his life. As a FWB.

He gets: sex, a good time, no responsibility for emotions or feelings.

I get: sex, a good time, and my emotions put through the ringer.

I don't do FWB, so he's out of luck. So sad for him.

You're the fall-back girl. He left for something 'better', it blew up in his face, he falls back on you because, on some level he really does like you, but he doesn't want to take any responsibility for having an emotionally adult relationship. His history is telling...no relationship longer than two years? At least the guy I was with was married for 18 years.

Don't be second best. I know it's hard when it seems like you have no other prospects, or you're lonely. I am in a place with mr. toxic that when he texts with some silly joke that only 'we' get, I don't get into a lather that he wants me back. I ignore it or send back an equally rude joke and move on with my day. I KNOW he wants me around now to soothe his ego, but if he isn't going to soothe mine, fuggetaboutit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 4:56pm

I'm in a similar situation (FWB).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 8:14am

Ya know, I admire your strength.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 6:58pm

Yes, of course he can.


I'm no longer surprised at how long people can be in relationships of any kind with any one and not become emotionally involved.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Sat, 07-25-2009 - 5:50pm

Hmmm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 07-26-2009 - 5:22pm
Is it really possible for a guy to be great friends with someone, love to have sex with her, and be dating her now for six months and counting (I'm subtracting out the month he was with the other woman) and not become emotionally involved?


Sure. It's why I date the way that I do (i.e., no sex).


And in the future, if a guy says he's still looking, take him at his word! He's not saying it just to say it, he really means it
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 12:43pm

Ugh...he sounds horrible for you. Good for you for recognizing that you should move on. He seems like he doesn't know what he wants judging from his past and how he treated you.

I think if a guy is the type to NOT be emotionally involved after all that time with you, then he's not someone you should be dating unless a FWB is all you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 4:53am
Yes. Ive done it in the past, a FWB long term situation, 1 for 3 yrs, & one otehr for almost that long. Neither did I become emotionally attched to.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 3:39pm


"Yes. Ive done it in the past, a FWB long term situation, 1 for 3 yrs, & one otehr for almost that long. Neither did I become emotionally attched to."

Gotta comment, cuz I've got my Toxic man in the past. Bad thing is that he's in my thoughts at times. Still. If I could do the FWB thing with him, believe me, I'd jump at it. But I'm already emotionally involved. And I know he isn't honest. (Even though his profile states he's looking for honesty. His wife cheated on him 26 years ago, you see.)

I see avoiding him as being kind to myself, just something I've got to do. It took too long to get to this place and it was by way of a lot of false stops and restarts.

He'll never change. So, why prolong the agony for a few hours of ecstasy?

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