friends with an ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
friends with an ex
11
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:15am

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. Things are going fine, except for one wrinkle. Maybe I've just been lucky that this has never come up with other guys, but this guy is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. They dated for 7 months and broke up a year ago. I know my insecurities are really coming into play here, but it bugs the hell out of me when he mentions her. And this weekend he showed me a bunch of photos and she was in one of them (it was from his 40th b-day party last year and he had his arm around her) so now I have a face to put with the name (great, especially since she's cute).

I keep telling myself he's not dating her now, he's dating me. And we did have the exclusivity talk a couple weeks ago (I brought it up and he said he assumed we had "implied exclusivity". I said something like I just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page.)

I mentioned this to another woman friend and as soon as I said "he's still friends with his ex", she made a face. I said, "I know, I know." I've been very careful not to show my jealousy to him - I realize it's not one of my more attractive features. I'm just curious to know what others think, especially those who've been in this situation.
I should also mention that I know my recent experiences of being ghosted and dumped have made me even more neurotic than usual. Part of me is trying to prepare myself for his "we need to talk" speech. He's very attentive and sweet on our dates, but so were other guys who soon disappeared or dumped me. I'm having a real hard time relaxing and just enjoying this. And now I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now :)
What do you guys think? I've been carrying this around in my head for too long; it feels good to "tell" someone :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 3:04pm

People divorce for many reasons. You don't have to hate someone to divorce them.

I think it's healthy that he and his exwife get along amicably and of course she would still be in touch with his mom, she is the mother if his child isn't she grown or not.

I still talk to my ex-husbands family, his brother, his parents send me cards every year, just because things don't work out with the guy doesn't mean you have to cut off everyone that was your family at one time in your life.

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