Further frustration.....any company?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Further frustration.....any company?
10
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:36pm

I know that people *ghost*....I've had it happen enough to me, but what I am really frustrated with are the NUMBER of people who ghost.

To be honest, I've met quite a few guys and almost everyone has wanted a second date, so I don't think it's necessarily me......but,

When I email a guy back and forth and he seems interested, sets up a tentative date with me and then never calls to confirm time/place etc....it bugs me.

I talk to so many men....maybe I should be more discriminate at the talking stage, but I know, for me, that I can't always tell right away if a guy is someone that I would be interested in.

This most recent guy and I talked on the phone for an hour or so. He seemed really sweet, seems to have really good values, was outgoing and funny. The next day we touched base by email...about a date for tomorrow night (Sunday). I called him last night and left a message (Friday) and he never called me back. I just don't understand.

Again, it's not the ghosting...it's the volume of ghosting that's driving me batty. Maybe I'm doing something wrong here, I don't know.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 8:05pm

I understand your frustration, but with this particular situation, I wouldn't write him off unless he doesn't call you tomorrow to confirm, given the holiday.

Also, I wouldn't talk so long on the phone before meeting. I think 15-20 minutes max is plenty...wait until you meet in person to talk more.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 8:17pm
yeah, it's really common on OLD. i've stopped pondering it and just move on if i don't hear from someone. but the guy you called last night might still call you back -- maybe he's just out for the evening?? hang in there...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:22pm

Don't feel bad, I'm the queen of having guys ghost on me; for every 10 guys that respond, 9 ghost right away and the one left ghost a few emails later. I know I'm not doing anything wrong, and I'm sure you aren't either. It's a numbers game and unfortunatly the odds are in the guys favor. In my part of US (NY), I hear that it's a 8 female to one male ratio. I don't take it personal, I look at it this way, I've become real adept at weeding out the bad apples, so that's the good thing about old, it lets you really screen out potential dates. I like the fact that their lack of charecter comes out pretty damn quick in this format. I make sure I ask the tough questions and if it scares them off, so be it! They weren't my type.

Just keep on doing what you're doing and take breaks when necessary.

All the best in 2006!

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:30pm

Thanks, you guys always make me feel better. :)

It's a crazy world out there. Who would have thought that it would be this hard to find someone when there are so many looking....crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:47pm
My gut says you will hear from this guy again. He may tunr out to be a dud, but I still think you might hear from him. I know how crazy it sometimes seems. I was e-mailing this guy. He came off cocky and I sort of called him on it. He later called and apologized. We talked for over an hour. Next thing he does, closes me because he's pursuing another relationship. In a day?? It's weird out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 11:26pm

Well, surprise, surprise.....he just called and left a message on my cell phone. I didn't answer it in time.

I know he was going to a party tonight, a huge party so he must have called from the party. He called to wish me a happy NY.....and told me he'd call tomorrow to firm up plans.

I feel so much better. He seems very sweet and I like his voice, lol.

It's funny how I am just realizing how much a person's voice influences how I feel about him....interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 10:08am
I'd be inclined to think it's just the holidays. Maybe send him an email in a few days and if you don't hear from him then, move on.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 10:41am
I'm glad he called. I thought he would. I hope your meet goes great!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 6:58pm

I feel your pain. I recently started speed-dating. I found it fun, although I didn't have much in common with some of the men.

However, there was one guy I met, I thought there was chemistry and we had some things in common. He e-mailed me the next day, saying he enjoyed meeting me. We e-mailed back and forth for two weeks until finally, he said he wanted to see me again. I wrote back, saying I too would like to meet and mentioned days and times I might be available. Friendly, casual, nothing heavy at all. Guess what? Poof!!! The earth opened up and swallowed him and I didn't hear from him again.

I'm too old(44) to be playing these games. I find this "ghosting" crap more discouraging than anything else. I just don't understand it. He has seen me, knows I'm not ugly and don't weigh 400 pounds. Sure, maybe he met someone else more appealing or maybe a family obligation came up(it is the holidays). But why not be honest? I find that so cowardly and spineless.

At least I know right away he is not the type of man I want to date. I want to meet someone who does what he says he is going to do, and if he can't, at least is honest and direct.

I will continue to go to these events because in my age group, it seems one of the most viable ways to meet unattached, professional men. I sure don't meet them at work or church. And all the things the clueless advice books suggest are a joke. Classes, volunteering, etc. Usually ten gazillion women or married couples.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 7:10pm

Yes, I'm 45, too......and I totally agree. I am pretty clear if I'm interested and don't date anyone I know I'm not interested in. I give it one chance or sometimes two chances if I'm not sure, but that's it.

It baffles me, to be honest. Your story sounds so much like mine....but it's happened to me at least 3 times now. Ugh.

I'm easy to get along with but have my own mind. I'm friendly and look pretty cute when I get ready for a date....too. (if I should say so myself).