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| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 9:24am |
I bumped this up from "Match users - hidding profile". Let me know what you think
So I confronted him about his profile being back up last night. (No, I didn't have the patience to wait a few days). This is the situation: We have been talking for probably three weeks. Have only seen each other twice and the Sunday before last he asked to be exclusive to see what happens. He always said how he wants to get married and have kids in the future. So he basically says he is looking for something serious and not just wanting to date around. Well, I didn't see him last week because he had his son during the week and I had my kids and work anyway. We were suppose to do something on Saturday but his friend called me and said he had to go to the hospital the night before. He was severly dehydrated and that he would be sleeping most of Saturday so he would call me on Sunday. I already knew he had this dehydration problem at times, partly because he only has one kidney. Then we made tentative plans for Tuesday for him to come up, depending on the weather (snow storm). When I called him at 6:30 Tuesday night, he said someone was there and that he would call me back. Well, he never called back. I was so pissed that night, having to wait by the phone to see whether to expect him or not just for him not to call back. So I called him Wed morning and he tells me how his little cousin got some girl pregnant and they all had to get together and talk about it. He was back home late so figured he would call me the next day and I would understand. I am understanding but all I wanted was a quick yes or no from him instead of leaving me hanging for awhile for his call! This is also when I confronted him about seeing his Match profile up and he told me he doesn't know why but he will take care of it.
OK, sorry so long ----- just need advise on the situation.
I called him last night and asked him again if he wanted to come over because it was my last night alone without the kids. He said his shoulder was bothering him. Whatever - it wasn't planned anyway. I told him I don't like having to ask him to do things and told him I don't believe him about the Match profile thing. He told me he took care of it yesterday afternoon. I said I just saw it up and he still said the same thing. I explained how it was his idea to be exclusive and if he wants to date other people to just tell me. He says he isn't seeing anyone and doesn't play games like that. He said he would call me back after dinner and never did. About 50% of the time he doesn't call back when he says he will. I don't know about all of you but that pisses me off. I'd lik to have a relationship with him, but I am suspicious and tired of not seeing him or not getting calls back half the time. I don't want to have the "where do we stand" talk with him again! God, it has only been two weeks, I feel like I am being a pain. But what choice do I have, put my profile up without telling him I am going to start talking to other people again or have another talk!
By the way, his profile is still up this morning. I "tested" mine by hidding it and putting it on public view. Both times it came up the right way in searches right away. So there shouldn't be a delay if he "blocked it yesterday".

Hi Az,
For my two pennies, I would move on...still open for him to call you, but all of your having to wait and his NOT calling when he says he will, well, that Is a dealbreaker for me. Even if it is late, you KNOW that person is waiting on you,so call, email or text--we have SO many options for communication these days!
If he wants your time, he has your number and your email, and he will Find you--again, if he does Not, then it is better you know now, and move forward to a more Peaceful place.
I do think it is really pretty soon to be doing all of this exclusive talk, and I think maybe he wants to tack down all of YOUR corners,but continue to let his be wild and free. I would put my profile back up and move on, and if he comes to you about Your profile being active (doubt he will, he does not seem to be thinking of You much! :P), then tell him that you felt it best, and you would like to see him when he has time to make some plans.
No wicked witch, just Snow White!
Be good to you and find someone who can treat you Well, YOU deserve it!
Truly,
Cupcake
Good morning, azailla.
I'm going to do something radical and NOT consider either party the bad guy.
To give pseudo-boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, let's say he meant what he said several weeks ago when he wanted to be exclusive. Then real life happened (family matters, health problems) and he fell back into his single ways dealing with it. Simple as that.
Now I have to ask you: what were you thinking by agreeing to his request when you had only been *talking* 3 weeks and had seen each other only twice? There is no way you got to know him in that short time. And this is why you felt no sympathy for him whatsoever for his current troubles.
He doesn't have the time or energy to put into building a relationship with you right now. It would be wise for you to move on to someone who does.
amjay
I couldn't even consider dating this guy. If there's going to be a drama queen in a relationship, it's going to be me!
Move on sweetie - you really have nothing invested in this guy. It doesn't sound like he's really prepared to have a relationship with you, or anyone else.
I personally think that he is playing you. While I think amjay's points are valid, the fact that his profile keeps popping up is really odd to say the least and more likely he is just saying that to cover his butt. It does sound like he has some major family and personal issues going on right now and that is a difficult thing to deal with on your own much less in an extremely new relationship.
Now on that, that "exclusive" thing came up WAY (HUGE emphasis on WAY) too fast. You have been talking for 3 weeks and went on 2 dates. Even if neither of you wants to see anyone else, to jump into something exclusive so quickly is not a good move. You don't know each other at that point and it just sets either or both of you up for heartbreak. You should not get so serious about a person you hardly know. You don't know their thinking, mindset of what "exclusive" mean, values, background, etc, etc. Take your time getting to know someone first.
So I also agree with cupcake and amjay. Move on. He knows how to get a hold of you. If he gets his life together and calls you back, great. If you are still available at that point and more importantly, still want to go out with him and risk getting walked on again, go out with him then. But until that point, move on with your dating life.
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Well, the phone thing. There are only about a gazillion women in the world who say exactly that. It's a common game played between the sexes. It will remain a source of conflict until the woman decides to make it unimportant. Hard, but doable if he's a great guy otherwise and is worth the work.
But those 2 things you mentioned would definitely be red flags. Time to step back into your own life and what you want to do with it.
Am I wrong, or are you planning to put up your profile and tell him so in an effort to shake him up and take his down? Don't waste any more time with this guy, it's bad timing for him. And there's really no way of knowing if he's simply hiding his profile, but still searching!
Good luck!