General On-line dating questions???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
General On-line dating questions???
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 8:59pm
Hi I was just curious on what I should do if anything about men adding me to their "favorites" as on POF? Do I wait for them to email me or do I email them first? Seems like if they like me enough to add me as a favorite, (I have never talked to them or emailed them before) they would make the effort to at least email me and say HI? Also Ive had a couple of guys recently email me wanting to meet me, one guy in particular joined singlesnet just so he could email me. Well I wrote him back, he then replied back to me and asked if we could get together for coffee, but I was really already too busy that weekend, but suggested the following weekend, now I haven't heard a word from him?? The other guy told me when ever I was ready to take a ride let him know...he has a motorcycle anyway...please tell me what you all think I'm new to this its been over 30 years since Ive dated....I don't want to seem to desperate but I also don't want to have to do all the work either. THe one guy who became a member on singlesnet I praised him for taking the initiative told him that was really nice, but I was sorry that I couldnt meet him last weekend...Thanks ALL Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 3:25am

Hi Mary,

On POF, if I like the guy who "favorites" me, I write a brief note thanking him for favoriting me--and nothing else. I think it is only polite. (But I don't do it if I don't like the guy because I don't want to encourage him.) As you say, he could just as easily have written to you in the first place.

Regarding guys who ask to meet, sometimes they will be the ones who can't make it when you can, so don't worry too much about it. The very first guy who asked to meet me in person called it off at the last minute with an excuse and I never heard from him again. Guys (and I suspect women) tend to disappear a lot in the early stages of online dating.

Others will have a lot more advice I am sure.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 2:44pm

I don't do anything if a guy just adds me to his favorites list and doesn't email me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 10:33pm

I don't do anything if someone adds me to a favorites list. If he's interested, he can actually contact me.

As far as the specific guy, you didn't say how long it's been since you emailed him with an alternate, but if it's only been a day or so, give it time.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 4:42pm

I'm a guy and I have added people to my favorite list and never written them. Sometimes I just want to think about a particular woman a little more and if I want to write but I don't necessarily want to do it at that moment or have time at that moment, I will favorite them. I always thought that yes some of the women will notice that I favored them and maybe a few might contact me if they are interested, but I assumed that most women or people in general would assume if you add them to your favs and don't follow up, then you are probably not interested. Not necessarily true but thats what I would think if a woman favored me but didn't write. Also I must admit some women seem intimidating to me. Very interesting but by what their profile says about their interests and what they want, I think I fall short. I should have more courage because I have nothing to lose, but yet there it is.

I use Match and I usually don't even look on the page where it shows you who favored me. I don't know how many people check that page regularly or not.

So anyway no you don't need to contact anyone who favors you, unless you really want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 10:24pm
I agree with the last poster. Most people add someone to favorites so they can easily find the profile to take another look and decide. If a guy doesn't get in touch, he probably isn't interested enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:40am

It's true that if a guy is really interested he will get in touch, not just favorite you. However, if he has favorited you, he is indicating that he wants to take a second look. If you find him attractive, there is no harm in encouraging him by thanking him for putting you down as a favorite or even favoriting him yourself.

It's sort of like being at a party and noticing that someone is looking at you. If you look back and smile, he is more likely to come over and try to meet you than if you look the other way, especially if he is a little shy.

I don't do a lot of dating, but one guy that I dated briefly was a guy who kept looking at my profile on Yahoo (back when I was a paying member). So finally I e-mailed saying, "Hi, I see you keep checking out my profile. Any special reason?" (Or something like that.) He answered saying he had been trying to get up the nerve to contact me, we got into a conversation and we ended up going out for a few dates. (For me, lasting more than three dates counts as a success.)

But there is certainly no obligation to acknowledge people who favorite you. That's the beauty of it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:41pm
I would wait for them to email you. First of all, you probably want a man who is going to take initiative as far as dating goes. Second of all, they're probably just doing the favorites thing so they can easily find you again..or so they can think about whether or not they want to contact you.