General question for those out there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
General question for those out there...
4
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:26am

General question for you all--

I have noticed in my quest for OLD, and read many of your posts, that guys are all about emailing,flirting via IM's, maybe the occasional phone call.... But it's like once you reach an established pattern of communication, it sometimes seem that they lose interest. Is it b/c of the chase or maybe we reveal somethings about us that they don't want in a woman? For example, right now I am communicating with about 6 different guys. One is Teddy, the other five are just other potential OLD... I am speaking on the phone to 3 of them, and the other 2 are via emails or IM's..I haven't gotten enough info to give them my phone number just yet. I just feel like some of these guys are just in it for the "chase"... The three guys that I have been talking to have- yet- to ask me out directly. I usually get hints or "hey, what are your plans for the weekend".. but then no direct ask out... This weekend it was extremely frustrating b/c I really wanted to meet one of these guys... mainly to see if they are my type, chemistry, all that. I guess I am just confused and irritated. They talk like they are interested, they act like they are interested, but where's the action? I am not the kind of girl to ask a guy out, especially for a first meet. So what is the issue here?
I guess my question is this-

Is it easier to email/talk then it is to actually take action ans ask a girl out? And then are they just lazy and don't want to make the effort of keeping a relationship/friendship going? I'm tired of weeding these type of guys out of my dating pool, is there an effective way of taking care of this up front with out coming across as a Husband Hunter?

Thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:12pm

It is easier to have an email relationship then actually metting somebody, paying for a date and representing yourself as a potential dating partner. Therefore, many men enjoy remaining on email forever.

In order to weed them out quickly, suggest a phone call after 3-4 emails. After 2 phone calls suggest coffee. If they hem and haw then forget them.

You are under no obligation to divulge personal information about your wearabouts over the weekend. These guys want to live vicariously through your social life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:14pm
Also, by not suggesting a coffee meeting, you are just playing into their desire to communicate indefinitely by email and phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:18pm

I think OLD does allow for more hiding behind email and phones... if I were you, I'd initiate the convo of meeting up. How about saying something like "It's been really great getting to know you, why don't we see if the connection is there IRL and meet for coffee?"


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 1:41pm
You can't expect them to read your mind. They might be thinking the exact same thing about you that you have no interest in meeting because you never mention anything or they might be trying to respect your space and wait for a cue from you. What is the harm in saying exactly what bklynchik siad? You're not really doing the asking but suggesting to meet. Or I had a good one that was said to me once, "I am a much better conversationalist than an emailer. Why don't we meet?"

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