Getting Dumped
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Getting Dumped
| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:49pm |
Why is it that when dating someone, we both feel a connection, he says he really likes you, enjoys our company, can't wait to see you again, etc... etc... after about a week or two, we never hear from them again!? They don't have the B---- to let us know! What's up with that? I can tell someone when I move on,... and I don't mislead anyone... why can't guys do it?

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It's the easy way out. Honestly to me, the best advice I've heard about online dating (OLD to answer your other question) is early on to expect that each time you see/hear from the person will be the last time (TM Sheri!). It used to really tick me off when I wouldn't hear from a guy after a nice date or two or when he says how awesome I am or what a great time he had, yadda yadda and then poof! Now, I let it roll off my back. It is one of those things that happens in OLD. Personally, I do think that after a couple of dates, it is common courtesy to at least shoot someome an email to tell them that you don't think you are a match. Done. But I have also had enough bad experiences where the guy comes back and wants to know why or wants me to give him another chance and I'd rather just be done with it. I think a lot of people may feel the same so instead of facing the music, they ghost (vanish without a trace).
But all in all, you just have to let it roll off you back. It will happen. Try not to take it personally.
Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten: Boys are DUMB! I saw that on a bumper sticker once. Anyway, underneath all the muscles and ego guys are afraid. They will opt to take the coward's way out, rather than being a man, because it's easier. I just got dumped too, but this was through email, so at least mine had some semblence of forthrightness. Still, he only said "I have to cancel tomorrow. Sorry for the short notice. I will explain tomorrow." Um, if he can explain it tomorrow and he obviously had time to write the email tonight, why couldn't he explain it in the email, or call me? I'd bet everything I own that I'll never hear from the guy again.
Oh well, I forgot we had the date, since our plans were tenative anyway. And I made a date with another guy, so I guess it worked out. But oh, I am so mad because I know the reason is he thinks I'm too busy with my kids and everything. Uh, sorry, but I am NOT going to put my life on hold for any man. Geez, when you are too available they call you needy. When you aren't available enough they get all ticked off.
I wouldn't spend too much time fretting over it - I know that's easier said than done, but I'm resolving to put my guy out of my mind as soon as I post this. It is a reflection on him, not you. Plus, this is online dating and that's just how it is, unfortunately.
Well, *I* don't ghost, so maybe I just expect the same kindness in return. Just because people (men or women) do it doesn't make it right. Granted, there are cases when it is acceptable and even necessary, but like you said, after a few dates it's just common courtesy, whether you are the man or the woman. Besides, I'm just irritated with men in general, I guess.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend or sound like I'm a man-hater. I was just empathizing with the op because I'm experiencing the same thing.
It is the words not matching the actions that seems so infuriating. I can only speak for myself but, when I am not really interested in someone I do not say the kinds of things this guy said to you. However, he probably let himself get carried away but he also probably meant them at the time. I have had guys say those types of things so many times before and then ghost or break things off that honestly, when a guy starts saying stuff like that within the first couple of months of dating, I tend to take it with a grain of salt. It makes it very hard to be gracious and take the compliment though because in your head you are thinking he guy is full of it even when he seems so sincere. That is the drawback. Anyway, no real words of wisdom just wanted to say that I feel your pain!
Hugs,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Hey, all I have to say to that is been there, done that,
I 100% agree with Stacey. It's definitely not fun and given the circumstances of a guy getting all gushy and stuff, he SHOULD have the common courtesy to at least tell you. But the fact is that
1) People tend to avoid confrontation - especially if they don't know you well or how you'd react. They'd rather assume the worst and just ghost.
2) They call women fickle creatures but men are too. Men tend to live day to day, especially early on in a relationship. One day they like you lots, the next they're kind of like "Eh, whatever."
3) People tend to do to others what they prefer to have done to them. Early on, I prefer a ghost. After a couple dates, I'd rather have at least an email. Because of that, that's what I do. So in a way, it's not fair to place YOUR preferences on them without knowing. After all his professions of like and all that, SHOULD he have called? IMO, yes but maybe not in his.
4) It happens in OLD. You just have to get used to it. You have to have a thick skin.
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Same here. This happened to me recently. And after saying all this great stuff within the first week, and taking me to a fancy restaurant, of course he ghosted. It was hardly a shock since it's happened before.
I also agree that a lot of guys mean this stuff at the time they're saying it, but for whatever reason, they suddenly realize they're not that into you after all. So frustrating and it does make you mistrust the nice stuff they say, especially at the beginning.
Girl, you are singin' my song!!
I broke the following cardinal rule:
"Thou shalt not spend weeks on end or months chatting, emailing, texting, or IM'ing a guy before actually meeting in person (and that goes for guys who live long distance too!)."
I thought "R" and I had developed a warm and caring friendship. I thought that even if it wasn't a total LC, we'd still keep in regular touch with each other after he came to see me for his vacation.
W-R-O-N-G!
He went home. We talked twice and that was it. Game OVUH.
All I can say is, NEVER AGAIN.
Anyhoo, I'm on hiatus from OLD as of Dec. 15 and am taking the next 365 days off.
Just call me J-A-D-E-D. ;o)
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