GF's friends think I'm a player - ugh!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
GF's friends think I'm a player - ugh!!!
16
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:13pm

I would really appreciate the ladies' perspective here:

Things are going very well with my new GF. We both took our profiles off Match last week, everything is great, we are exclusive after 4 dates. However, I am now taking my GF's time away from her best friend (who happens to be on the rocks with her BF), and her friend does not like me intruding on "girls night out".

She is warning my GF that I am a player / serial dater (probably because I was on Match). She is telling her: "how could you be exclusive w/ this guy after only 4 dates?! you don't even know him - he is a serial dater - you are going to get hurt". Do I not talk about it? Try diplomacy with her friend?

The GF does not seem to care what her friends think (others have said the same thing to her by the way). She teases me about being a serial dater, but in fact, she seems to sort of like the drama, and the fact that she is the one who "tamed" me. Her actions are showing a 100% interest level right now.

Thoughts? Will her GF's "convince" her that I am no good? (I guess I'm discovering one of the downsides to OLD - that it makes one a serial dater).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 1:22pm

I agree; misery loves company – whenever you’re up in life someone will be there to bring you down – ignore that person and think positively.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 9:58pm

Update - She's in NYC for a few nights with her brother. She called and left a message: "so you must be on a date,hmmmm"

I can tell she is insecure. What, if anything, do I do to help her feel less insecure, or do I just keep her wondering ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 10:16pm

If you say you're gonna do it, do it. That's all you can do. Making someone more secure is not your job.

Why would she agree to be exclusive if she's having this much trouble with it? I wouldn't be exclusive with someone if I didn't feel we were on the same page - so what's with the badgering? That comment would irritate the s**t outta me.

Sorry. I just think it's unfair to keep trying to catch you at something or keep making you prove yourself.

KITB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 10:26pm

She's either fishing or playing the wounded puppy dog to get a reaction.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 10:39pm

Hi B,

It is best to be yourself and do try to make her feel a bit more secure, if need be...but if that becomes a Major full time job for you...hmmmmm-age.

It gets Very old to be "guilty until proven innocent". Think about whether You feel you are coloring in all the corners, and if you are surely covering her communication needs, then maybe you all need to have a light chat about whether she feels you are, and if not, why not? I was in same place and would ask for Specifics I had not accomplished with him, as I had Many points of contact/reassurance/attention given with him all day, and his 'tude became: "what have you done for me in the last 8 seconds" kinda thing. I finally wore out on that and had to give it a walk. Some people have not dealt with their own issues, so you cannot help them deal, until they face it and own it.

Let's hope we are not talking any of this deep-dish stuff and she is just SO really into you and afraid she will lose your hunky self to another girl, but that will diminish as time goes on.

Ultimately, you Both need to be happy in this,and you sound like you are a Good Man for the job!

truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:24pm

I think in any relationship in the beginning, we all have questions we may not ask and this teasing manner about you beng out on a date may be her way of wanting your reassurance that you only want to be with her. But if she needs constant reassurance, then she could be a very insecure person and have some issues that *she* needs to work through and deal with.

Keeping her wondering, to me, is rather mean, especially when you are supposed to be exclusive. I would imagine that she'll get better over time as she gets to know you better and hopefully this relationship will be a great thing for both of you.

I liked cupcakes suggestion of telling her you have a hot date with the play station - cute!

Best of luck!

Sunshine

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