The Ghost Lives!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
The Ghost Lives!
17
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 9:34am

I wrote about this guy last fall. We dated for 5 weeks, I went on a business trip for a few days, and when I came back, he ghosted. I was really into him, he seemed to be into me, especially on our last date (of course I didn't know it would be the last), when he was romantic, lovey-dovey, talking about future things we would do, you know, all that crap.

Well, when we were dating, he took his match profile down. After he ghosted, because I tend to be obsessive about this stuff, I'd check periodically to see if he was back on match. He wasn't, until last week. And by then I had stopped checking (I had started seeing someone else); the only reason I knew he was back is he showed up in one of those emails Match sends you ("here are your newest matches").

Now here's my point (I do have one). I am sorely tempted to send him a sarcastic email along the lines of "imagine my relief that you weren't abducted by aliens or hit by a bus" and then telling him what a crappy thing that was to do to someone. My hairdresser (seriously) thinks I should send it because guys like him should be told their behavior is unacceptable. What's stopping me is having him know that I've thought of him all this time and can't seem to let go. So I will most likely not send any email. My pride won't allow it. But I'm curious, has anyone else ever done that? And what was the Ghost's reaction, if any?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 10:13am

He's not worth the effort. Men ghost for various reasons (don't take it personally) -- and I've learned to say "NEXT" cause whatever the issue, I don't want to be a part of it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 10:31am

believe me, I think I'm the queen of the "almost sent" emails. I recently posted here about a month ago saying the same thing. I just wanted him to know that his behavior was unacceptable. I wrote the email, keep going back to it to change things... but I never sent it. I was determined not to let him know he got to me. And I know it's his loss not to have continued seeing me!! I hate it guys think it's okay to treat people like this but I'm also trying to learn that it's their problem and I want no part of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 10:58am

Sit back and wait to see if he contacts you, with a "HI REMEMBER ME?" (I've actually had ghosts contact me months later). If he does, then that opens the door for you to say something like, "Yes, I remember you, BTDT and moved on." Sometimes the less you say, the more effective it is.

Keep us posted Carrie.

All the best,
Libra

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 11:01am

icarrie-


Ask yourself, what is the end product that you are looking for after you send an email like that?

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 12:15pm

Carrie, believe me, I've been sorely tempted to send one of those emails (especially since I had not one but two ghosts reappear in the last couple weeks then promptly disappear again), but do you honestly think it's going to do any good? Guys who do that KNOW it's rude and cowardly; they're not going to change their behavior because you send an email! If anything, it'll probably reinforce their justification for not calling (which is usually along the lines of, "I was afraid she'd freak out on me and get upset if I called to break things off"), because even a mildly worded email would come across to them as "psycho chick". I'm not saying that you ARE, of course, just that in their warped minds, you would be.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 12:20pm
Thanks everyone for all the responses. I'm not going to send it. He's not worth even thinking about anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:38pm

Just to add to your post, hope this will help. I did not know the definition of ghost until recently. I went out with this guy on four dates, he seemed so nice, kept making plans for following dates, even made a date after our fourth date for the next day. Left him a msg. telling him I was available and where to meet, nothing, not a cancel call, can't make it, something came up, never heard from him until a week later. I found him very rude, I think he felt rejected because I would not give him any, I told him if I ever do, I want it exclusive, so I feel happy I did not comply to his requests... it seems all he was looking for was s...

A weeek later, he ims me on lava, asking about work, like nothing, he even asked what was I wearing and I went hugh!?? so I replied, something very sexy that "you" won't be able to see, logged off and blocked him. so it felt good, I don't care anymore, glad that did not get attached to him. He had my # so why not call and explain? Anyhow, my point is date others as soon as possible, right now, I have so many guys calling and asking me out that I haven't had time to think about that bastard until I saw your post. But believe me it helps to get the attention of other men and maybe one of them would be decent and caring enough to stay for the long haul. Like we all want...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 5:36pm

All that would do is, feed his ego. Do you really want that? If you let him know you are burned or bitter, he's going to feel even more important than he really is. The best thing to do is, get on with your life. That is the best "revenge".

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 7:08pm
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well said.
I think women ghost too though. I know, I have :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:07am

Hi Carrie,

I agree with the others, the energy is better spent on new prospects! Forget about him since he is not worthy of you!!!

And Donna! I was so impressed with what you said in your post here, "...And I know it's his loss not to have continued seeing me!! I hate it guys think it's okay to treat people like this but I'm also trying to learn that it's their problem and I want no part of it...". You're getting there girl!!! I'm proud of ya!

Guys that do this think they are all it and then some and think their behavior is fine. By us saying anything at all to them, it shows we've been thinking about them, even if it is negative thinking - but to them it is the attention they crave even though it is negative! It's like a little kid that wants attention and doesn't mind if it's positive or negative attention, either one he sees as a good thing he achieved. Well these types of guys won't get the attention or anything else from me!!!

Sunshine

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