Give the guy a third date or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Give the guy a third date or not?
14
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 11:07am

Date two with Bachelor No. 1


 
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 11:45am
My (latest, and subject to change without notice) guideline is, if you KNOW it isn't there, don't go on another date. If you're not sure, give it another chance. Better to try one more date than to say no and then later second-guess yourself whether you pulled the plug too soon IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:26pm

The magic of chemistry can be such a mysterious thing. I've been in that type of situation too. Great looking guy, smart, going places in life, similar values...but ugh, something is still missing. You know it's not about YOU being picky, but rather, that you just don't get that special feeling with him.

The dilemma of going out on future dates is that while you aren't necessarily sure about him, he's likely thinking just the opposite. And that's hard.

I'd probably opt to just sit back and relax a bit on this one. Persue some of those other dates you say you've got lined up and take it from there. If you find yourself thinking about him, or even missing his company... then?

The time away might offer some clarity. For me, if I'm not feeling something by the second date, chances are good it isn't meant to be. It never fails.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 1:16pm

Thanks everyone, I will go on the other dates and keep him on the backburner...maybe one more date but I'll wait until next week and do something more public then at his house. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow, who knows, LOL


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 2:00pm

He "sounds" like a great guy, but that doesn't always mean that you will feel the right attraction towards them regardless. Does he seem a bit "too" perfect in some respects? Does it bother you that he has never been married before? I was always paranoid about guys thinking there was something really wrong with me because I had never been married before (and I'm 45).

And, I will admit that I would also tend to question why a guy had not married by that time if he had so much going for him. However, people are waiting to marry nowadays, and maybe he just never found the right one. I know I would like that same consideration from a guy who might question why I had never married. I was just wondering if some of those issues might be why you are having second thoughts about seeing him again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 3:34pm

Thanks Mitsy!


No, I live in LA - it's hip to be single and never married until your 50 here, LOL!!!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:03pm
Sheesh, women can be fickle! If something doesn't work out with a gal I probably shouldn't spend so much time wondering why.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:53pm
I don't want to be psychoanalytical and all, but I was wondering if maybe there's more going on here. I mean, we're always complaining about bad guys, then a good one seems to come along and we don't want to make any adjustments. I understand what you mean about chemistry, but that can take time to grow also. My thoughts are that you let yourself free associate for awhile. It doesn't even have to make sense, but sometimes feelings are clarified this way. Or maybe just ask yourself a question, your unconscious will provide the answer. Best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:33pm

That's why I posted this because he appears to be a good guy.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 11:39pm

Try the third date and he and you may surprise yourself. if not and that is your cut off then take it for what it's worth and move on

i do agree w/ the one poster that said dig a little deeper

i agree we get a nice guy then there isn't the "chemistry" because maybe we expect things to fast.. love /chemistry all that stuff actually grows.. i think some of us weigh too much on those instant sparks right away.. But you have to do what feels right for YOU too.

i am not saying sell yourself short, but sometimes "chemistry" does take longer than a few dates because like YOU said sometimes we are not being our true self.it maybe that it takes him or you a bit longer to warm up to someone and actually that is not a bad quality.

give it a date or two.. then decide..

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:42am

I'd agree with 1-2 more dates, but NOT at his house as you say.

This is situation is so frustrating...I spend way too much time on dates with men whose company I don't really enjoy because I want to make sure I'm not nexting them too quickly (we talked about this in another thread recently)...but there has to be that certain chemistry (and it's emphatically not just physical, at least not for me), and if it's not there after 3-4 dates, I do allow myself to move on.

Sheri

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