GNO/BNO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
GNO/BNO
9
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:03pm

I’m curious; when you’re in a relationship how often do you go out solo w/out your partner and do you ever do it on your weekends together, maybe she goes out with the gals, he goes out with the boys or maybe she stays in and he goes out or do you have one day during the week? Another night you two party it up together or with friends or stay home.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:20pm

My answer:

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:48pm

Hi SP

I'm not sure if I qualify to answer this post. Between his work schedule (travels a lot) and mine with the kids and school, my BF and I CAN only see each other on the weekend period. Also, maybe because we're older (late 40's)? We're not into that same scene...clubbing with friends. It actually just doesn't appeal to us.

We occasionally go out with another couple and we do stuff with my girls, but that's pretty much it as far as hanging with folks outside the relationship. We REALLY enjoy our "alone" time together.

Recently, a friend of his came to visit from out of state and I really thought he'd want some "guy" time with him. But he wanted me to hang with them. I thought that was so sweet and his friend seemed to be all for it.

I don't necessarily think that if you have a GNO/BNO you're "looking". I think people that feel that way are perhaps insecure and maybe a little paranoid, IMO. I've had plenty of GNO's and all the women did was eat, crab about their husbands/BF's and kids, and maybe, drink a little to much vino! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:51pm

I'm a middle aged broad, so take everything I say with whatever salt you have left over from your dates.

What I do in my bf-less spare time is not his business. Period. I have one married girlfriend who has a hen party about twice a year, and I really look forward to it. Nothing that happens or is said there gets vetted by anybody's husbands/bfs. One girl repeated something to her bf and was never invited again.

I have a need to have a portion of my life that has nothing to do with anyone else but me. I choose to spend that time spa-ing, or getting together with pals.

I have had a few ex-boyfriends who didn't like not knowing what I was up to without them. Pass the nEXt boyfriend, please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 4:45pm

I think this question reveals great divides among the ages.

I am with Amjay -- what I do on my own nights is my own business. I am not about to be sleeping around or looking to pick up some guy, and a man who is threatened by my independence isn't going to be in my life very long. There are nights when I go out to a bar or restaurant by myself -- yep, all alone -- because I feel like going out and don't want the aggravation of trying to coordinate plans with multiple girlfriends, or can't find anyone to go. I am a single parent and when I have a free night, I don't necessarily want to stay home and watch TV. Having said that, the places I usually go are restaurants where I know the owners and expect to see people I know and whose company I enjoy. I am not interested in going someplace where a bunch of half-naked 21-yr-olds are doing jello shots and making out in the corners....I just want to be out among adult humans, have something to eat that I can't cook at home, a glass of wine, listen to some music, watch people. If a girlfriend also has the night free, great. But I'm not going to stay home JUST because nobody else's schedule matches mine on any given night.

I usually get one free night a week; if it coincides with my BF's free time, we'll spend it together. Otherwise, I'm outta here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 7:39pm

I'm a firm believer that both men and women need time with others of their own gender. A BNO/GNO is a great thing, and I think that most folks would be better off having one at least once a month.

There's a certain type of energy that men get from other men, and women get from other women. A boys' night out is a time to just be a GUY- fart if you want (and giggle about it), scratch yourself, say really lewd things about hotties that you see, and generally be like a guy with other guys. Maybe a round of golf, play some poker, whatever.

Same thing for girls' night out. They can go and make jokes about... whatever the heck it is y'all make jokes about. Menstruation? Heck, I dunno. :)

If someone doesn't have the confidence for their Significant Other to be "out" without them, that's a huge problem sign about THEM and does not bode well for the future of the relationship, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:51pm

Hi Y'all,

Once again, I am happy to say that my answer here would be a little of Each, please! I like what everyone says! Personally, the men I date(44-55) have business dinners, and I think some of that "man time" is spent chatting about who is "Hot", looking and leering and talking about same! I would not be upset if my man said he was going to a sports bar to watch the basketball game with his pals. You either trust..or you Don't.

I have many younger friends, but most of them stick to Happy Hour, and I might go there once a month. We usually go early, then the guys come about the last 45 minutes, and we women are feelin' fine! From there, we all go eat dinner. Doing things apart, and then meeting up a little later is one of my favorite dating concepts; you get time out and then meet and enjoy each other. I like going out with other couples and Love going dancing, which can be Full of jealousy issues for men, but I cannot give up dancing!Plus...I say, Please...Look at what else is out there, and it Might make you VERY happy about being with the Cupcake, when the day is done! "De-mystifies" some of that "grass is greener"!

Also, some women DRESS to be noticed, so how Could he miss her? Hel*, I see her too, and I am often one to comment on the clothing,hair, etc--especially if it is all good! I guess that all goes to self-esteem, and I think he ALREADY has the cutest date in the room! :) Cupcakes are few and farrrr between!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 11:05pm

I have been in an exclusive relationship (into the third month) and from the beginning, I made him aware that my girl's night out was important to me and he has been so good about it. This proved to me that he didn't have insecurity issues or problems with trusting his partner. My friends and I meet for dinner once a week and sometimes after will go to a bar but not always.

We catch up on eachother's lives, laugh a lot, and basically just enjoy being together. Most of us are single, but we use this time to be with our girlfriends and not to pick up guys! Even when we are in a relationship, we still make this an important time and continue to see our friends each week on this set night.

Even when you have a guy in your life, girlfriends are so important. There are so many things that girlfriends talk about that you don't always with your guy - it's just a totally different communication. I think too many ladies make the mistake of letting their friends go some, if not completely, when they get into a LTR.

I feel that the same is important for guys to do also in seeing their friends on a regular basis. I think a warning sign might be if he wants to do this more than once a week or comes home really late with all the signs of having cheated on you.

The relationship I am in now is still rather new, so we haven't gotten together with mutual friends yet, but that is a possibility in the future - maybe dinner and dancing or a movie or something.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:23am

most of my girlfriends never leave the side of their fiances, or boyfriends. and now my guy friends are becoming those girls too! ack. its just a preference.

i love to have my life and that healthy separation when I'm in a relationship. Its nice to go out with just my friends and have a night away. I need that time to be me without that other person.

I ve thought about myself married as well. And I really beleive I will take those timeouts to go out w/ just my friends on occasion (including weekends)... Maybe it wont be a weekly ordeal. But it will most likely be a monthly or bi weekly thing I do.

Also its nice to have somoene miss you and you miss them ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: small_peanut2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:03am

I've never been in a relationship where a boyfriend ever told me I went out too much - all my ex's and my current boyfriend ENCOURAGED me to go out and have fun with my friends.

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