Going with your gut...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Going with your gut...
33
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 1:48pm

Ok, I have a question for you all. I mentioned this guy I've been out with twice, most recently on Friday night. He seems like a nice guy and we had fun together, but I'm not sure about a couple things (I'm worried that he wants an "instant r'ship" and also that we don't have enough in common) but most importantly, I'm getting a pit in my stomach when he sends me emails (he's sent me 4 since Friday night; I haven't written back yet). I feel like I *should* go out with him again, but I'm realizing I don't really *want* to.

Should I go with my gut, or should I give him another shot?

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 1:53pm
Sheri,
I think you answered your own question! I definitely would go with the gut feel. It's usually pretty accurate.
Also I would be pretty worried when someone sends 4 e-mails even though you haven’t answered his 1st one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 1:54pm

Honey, the older I get the more and more I listen to my gut. Trust it. I rely on it not just for men either. Almost any decision I make. It has never let me down and I get really mad at myself when I don't listen to it and it's right. I don't know I just stay in tuned with myself I guess. Know what I mean?

The Unicorn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 2:31pm

ah, sheri...

i dated a man once... so smart and successful and made me laugh and we had quite a few great times together at the beginning... something one brags about...

then one day he called me 25 times. my cell phone, my home phone, text messages, emails...

25 in the span of just a couple hours.

my head said that something wasn't right about that. 25 messages that we all nice, inquiring, wondering how i am and why i haven't called him back yet...

i haven't dated him since.

go with your gut. if something is weird, something is weird.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 2:38pm

Thanks for the feedback so far. The emails actually haven't been bad, just one or two liners saying things like, he had a good time Friday night, he was thinking about me and hoped to talk to me soon, etc. I haven't responded mostly because he said he'd *call* me to talk about getting together again, so I've been waiting for that. I responded to his last email and asked him to call when he has a chance.

My fear is that I'm closing things off too soon...it's not like there are 100 guys waiting to take his place, ya know? So I'm thinking one more date before I decide. But I may wait to decide for sure to see how my stomach reacts when the phone rings and it's him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 2:47pm
Sheri,
Sometimes I am guilty of trying to rationalize things even if I feel in my gut it’s wrong.
I am sure you will make the right decision for you. It doesn’t hurt to give it more time until you have a better feel for him however I wouldn’t ignore the gut feel completely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:02pm

This is a no-brainer, actually. You SAY that you don't want to go out with him.

Don't go out with him.

Next question! :)

Seriously, don't overthink it. If you'd had a great connection and were in here saying "this really neat guy sent me four emails, they were so cute, not big long ones but short little one-liners, I can't wait to see him again" that'd be one thing.

In here saying "well we didn't really hit it off all THAT great and he's sent me four emails since Friday night and I think I 'should' go out with him but don't want to"... that's a big red warning sign. Flashing, even.

Take a pass on this one.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:11pm

You're right, I did say I didn't really want to go out with him again. I actually enjoyed his company and had a decent time with him and wouldn't mind going out with him again, but I am afraid that he has higher expectations at this point than I do, and that we may not have enough in common to sustain a serious r'ship, and that he will be hurt if I go out with him again and then decide to cut things off. THAT is where the gut feeling is coming from, I think, and why I'm reluctant to go out on a 3rd date.

Sheri




Edited 1/16/2005 4:14 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:15pm

Maybe he'll make the decision for ya. How do you know how it's going to play out?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:18pm

You have absolutely nothing to lose by telling him:

"I am afraid that he has higher expectations at this point than I do, and that we may not have enough in common to sustain a serious r'ship, and that he will be hurt if I go out with him again and then decide to cut things off. THAT is where the gut feeling is coming from, I think, and why I'm reluctant to go out on a 3rd date"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:31pm
I would say go with your gut instinct - that's what it's there for and certainly don't settle or compromise because the alternative might be to be dateless - you're worth far more than that.
MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS

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