Good Date/No Call/1 Guys Explanation
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| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 6:24am |
There was a recent thread about how you can go on a great date and feel like there is mutual attraction - yet the other person just drops off the face of the earth. They never call or get back in touch with you.
To present another perspective let me share with you what happened to me.
About a month ago I had three meets in the course of about a week or week and 1/2. All three of them went very well - mutual interest on both sides.
Now comes the tough part for me -- figuring out how to choose. I decided that I didn't want to try juggling more than one person (my main reason that I'm a terrible dater - my other reason is that I have kids which removes 80% of my dating time and energy). So even though all three were great meets -- I found myself sort of fading away from two of them - even though I thought they were great people with lots of potential. In that instance it was 100% about timing.
At that point I'd also very recently been through the "great first date" where the other person sends a post-date blow-off letter. Which caused me to be overly cautious about reading any indicators from the first date - such as length of time we met, apparent fun factor, etc. Instead trying to judge future success based on more objective factors than just who spent the most time with me.
So the moral of the story is that guys don't always fade away for a bad reason. Some will fade away because the timing just isn't right. The scheduling of OLD is never optimum. You may actually have "good guys" who are fading away because they prefer to only date one person at a time. There simply is no easy way for most of us to bring up our OLD activities and tell someone they were in the right place / wrong time for a continued dating relationship.

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I have to respectfully disagree. I think LG's post is another example, perhaps kinder, but yet another example of "he's just not that into you."
He had 3 women but only had time for 1. There was a reason he picked the one he did, over the other 2. He may have had a connection with the other 2 women, but he wasn't into them enough to pick them. It sounds like he picked the woman he was most "into".
Just my 2 cents... :)
LG thanks for the different perspective, but I do have to agree with Calilawgirl in that you did choose the girl that you were the most into to continue seeing, hence not being *as* into the other two that you chose not to continue seeing. But I do know that timing can be weird sometimes for people and makes pursuing online dates tricky.
Isn't OLD just so much fun?!!! ;)
Sunshine
Hi Y'all,
Gotta cast in my pennies with the Chicks on this one, but DO appreciate your input, always, LG. It is a 'process of elimination', otherwise, I think one would find the time to get to know 1, 2 or all 3 of them better,until which time one becomes the leader of the pack. Agree that would be very taxing ,and also unusual that one person would find 3 people equally attractive.
Good question for the board: has anyone Ever been Equally attracted to ,say, three people at once?
When I met Tall Man 3 months ago, I have to say that I was writing to and chatting with another Very nice man who seemed to fit all my criteria. He dragged his feet on asking me out, though we chatted daily--he told me he was very attracted to me, a little awed by me, etc, but finally Did ask me out--meanwhile, I already had first meet with TM set up, went out and there was a lot of Chem 101-- and he pursued from there--we had 4 dates in the next 10 days. Case in point that if someone is "into" you, they wil make time to get to know you. I ended up cancelling my date with the other man, and a few days later wrote him a note that I felt he Deserved; that I had met someone, we were dating a lot and I was going to pursue that. His reply was a gracious 'good luck' type. Three weeks later, I got an email out of the blue from same man: he was thinking of me a lot, were things still on between me and my suitor? I did not reply, as there was no change, and I did not feel it was fair to TM to do so--no need to communicate with other men, if I have already stated the Real. So, you Can like 2 people, but it becomes a case of Which wants you More and you want Them too, don't discount that! :)
Truly,
Cupcake
I also have to agree w/ most posters, but also w/ Cupcake and i think that also has to do w/ timing. If that other guy jumped on the chance to take her out the 2nd guy even though she may have been interested would have been out since she would have maybe liked the other guy by that time.
I also think for some of us it is hard to focus on more than one person at a time as much as we would like to say don't put your eggs all in one basket. I think when you meet someone that you really like and 2 or 3 more come along, it's hard to even think of any potential w/ them if you already a taken back by someone else. I do know I had 2 good suitors back in December, and when going out w/ the 2nd one I could not get my mind off the first since I was very into him. But that's not saying I would not have been into suitor 2, it's just he came in too late. But he was an awesome catch too..
Bachelorette #1 still is in the running. I've been out twice with our kids and twice just with us. Really not enough alone time to tell what may or may not occur down the road. She's a single sole custody parent which makes dating very tough. Tougher than I would have thought. There are also several heavy issues that cropped up with her ex.
I think I'm an oddball in the OLD world because I didn't try to keep in touch with #2 or #3. Both of those people I did meet and the meets went well and both asked to get back together again. I feel that I'm perpetually in the "am I exclusive" mode....
Both #2 and #3 have been sporadically emailing and I'm reluctant to set up any meetings until I know the outcome with #1. Sigh....
tuh4
Thank for sharing your perspective LG.
CL-Truewild1969
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lg, I'm getting into this discussion late, but your situation pains me greatly. Isn't there some way you can hang on to all three of these women just a little longer, for their sakes as well as yours? How do you know lightning isn't going to strike with one of them after the third or fourth date? I'm not saying to lead them on bigtime. I'm just asking if you could tell them something like, "I am struggling with a killer schedule right now. So even though I enjoyed our time together, I'm not going to be able to spend much time with you for awhile. What I'm trying to say is maybe we could see each other once every two weeks or so. If you could live with this for a time, let me know."
Then possibly as you get better acquainted with the three of them, the choice will become much, MUCH clearer. I would think that's what would happen. Anyway, if things don't work out with the one you finally select, won't you always be wondering about the other two? Also, if one of them finds out about the other two and throws a fit and shows no understanding of the situation at all--well that will tell you something right there.
At any rate, I sure hate to see you choose one while you give up two other good (and maybe even better) choices. Hoping it all works out. Tea
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