Good Date/No Call/1 Guys Explanation
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| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 6:24am |
There was a recent thread about how you can go on a great date and feel like there is mutual attraction - yet the other person just drops off the face of the earth. They never call or get back in touch with you.
To present another perspective let me share with you what happened to me.
About a month ago I had three meets in the course of about a week or week and 1/2. All three of them went very well - mutual interest on both sides.
Now comes the tough part for me -- figuring out how to choose. I decided that I didn't want to try juggling more than one person (my main reason that I'm a terrible dater - my other reason is that I have kids which removes 80% of my dating time and energy). So even though all three were great meets -- I found myself sort of fading away from two of them - even though I thought they were great people with lots of potential. In that instance it was 100% about timing.
At that point I'd also very recently been through the "great first date" where the other person sends a post-date blow-off letter. Which caused me to be overly cautious about reading any indicators from the first date - such as length of time we met, apparent fun factor, etc. Instead trying to judge future success based on more objective factors than just who spent the most time with me.
So the moral of the story is that guys don't always fade away for a bad reason. Some will fade away because the timing just isn't right. The scheduling of OLD is never optimum. You may actually have "good guys" who are fading away because they prefer to only date one person at a time. There simply is no easy way for most of us to bring up our OLD activities and tell someone they were in the right place / wrong time for a continued dating relationship.

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Why not be straightforward about it? If you really like someone but would rather date a different person, let them know. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "I really liked you and enjoyed our time together, but would like to pursue a relationship wtih someone I met a few (days, weeks, months) before we met. If that doesn't work out, may I contact you again?"
I have the feeling you're not going to think that's a great option, but isn't it better than just disappearing altogether? And if you really do like someone wouldn't you like the option of seeing them in the future?
>>I think I'm an oddball in the OLD world because I didn't try to keep in touch with #2 or #3. Both of those people I did meet and the meets went well and both asked to get back together again. I feel that I'm perpetually in the "am I exclusive" mode....
Well yeah, as a single parent it's hard enough to make time to date one person, let alone several! I'm generally always exclusive, meaning, once I meet one person that I'm into, I tend to quickly lose interest in dating others. Though in theory I'm keeping my options open until we are 'official' - if I'm dating more than one person, it's easier to get multiple people's stories confused and whatnot.
havent read the other responses but thank you. always helps to get others explain disappearing acts after things have gone well.
i am still a believer that if the right person comes along, there is no right timing. Know what I mean? I think if one of those lovely gals were just the perfect fit, you'd make things work, right?
the times ive met someone ive gone into relationships with were in the times I wasn't searching or the time wasn't right.... so kind of goes when you aren't looking, thats when it happens.
but a good pt you've made with the disappearing thing, that it isn't always bad.
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