Good Guy...No sparks Part 2....
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 1:43pm |
I really need some help and assistance.
I recently posted where I met a great guy..however there are just no sparks.
He works with both my brother and mother. They love him!! My mother feels he is just so wonderful. I have confided in my mother that there simply are no sparks. However I will give it a shot.
Anyway...a great guy...Super great guy!! Did I say great guy??
I have gone out with him twice and he has helped me move this past week.
Last night he kissed me. There were sooooooo "NO" sparks that I almost felt nauseaus (sp).
I couldn't wait for him to leave. I feel soo guilty. To add insult to injury, he called my cell and left me a VM on his way home..telling me he "thinks" he loves me.
He burned my phone up this morning trying to apologize..begging for me to call him. Finally I wrote him an email explaining that he is an incredible guy, however I just don't have it in me to develop a relationship at this time.
He emailed me back begging me to call him. I simply told him that I feel I made the best decision and wished him well. However here is my dilemma,
My mother wrote me..explaining that she initially felt this way with my father(There were no sparks)none the less she eventually developed great sparks with him. They have been married almost 40 years and are very much in love. She then reitereated that this guy is a great guy and not to write him off yet.
I wrote her back and explained that I have given it a go, and know for a doubt that I won't develop the feelings he deserves. I gave it my best.
She wrote me back and said that she is sure I will change my mind.
I am angry with her...because although I feel so relieved to tell him that nothing will come between us..and know in my gut that I made the right decision...she has me second guessing.
Am I nuts here?
Jodie
Edited 5/4/2005 1:50 pm ET ET by truewild1969
Edited 5/4/2005 2:34 pm ET ET by truewild1969

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There are situations where the sparks develop or the guy becomes more appealing absolutely – happened to me however there are those times I’ve gone out twice as you did and the thought of their lips on mine frightened me, he, he.
You have to do what's right for you. That really sucks since this guy is so "perfect on paper" but if it ain't there, it ain't there.
The whole thing with hang in there and maybe it will develop slowly, works for some people but maybe not for you. That's fine, it's just the way it is! Kudos to you for cutting it off now instead of letting him get any further attached to you. Sure it's no fun to disappoint people, but it happens. You are not responsible for his feelings. He thinks he loves you? Wasn't this a pretty recent short-term thing? Methinks he might be overly clingy & lonely.
As for your mom, she's going to have to accept the fact that it's really none of her business. Is she one of THOSE moms who want to get you married and making grandbabies, or does she want you to be happy and do what's right for yourself?
Yikes Jodie! Well, you gave it a valiant effort and did as everyone suggested in giving it a couple more dates to see if anything developed. It hasn't so you were right to move on as soon as you positively knew that it wasn't going anywhere. The fact that you don't want to kiss him and even felt a little sick when kissing him should be enough.
Him telling you that he "thinks he loves you" after only a couple of dates and a single kiss is a little freaky. I think that he is probably needy and you being the awesome, gorgeous woman that you are, he is feeling a lot more than you are. I think it is good that you cut it off now before it went even further and he got more attached.
You need to tell your mom (politely of course) to butt out. This is your life and as much as she might like him, she cannot force you to feel the same. I'd suggest telling her that while you respect her opinion, you know that you will not change your mind and that you'd appreciate her dropping the subject.
You're not nuts! You have to feel attracted to someone and have to have a spark. If it's not there, it's not there. To try to force it makes you resentful and unhappy and him more attached to a fantasy that won't happen and even more unhappy in the long run when you break his heart because he really IS in love with you and you can't return the feelings.
Hey Jodie,
No, I don't think you're nuts at all. I agree that is there's nothing there, then there's nothing there. Your mom will just have to accept that, even if it sounds like *she* was the one that got her expectations too high.
I was curious about something, though - what exactly is it about that guy that makes you not attracted to him? Is it something you can put your finger on, or not? Is he just not at all your type as far as looks go?
Eric
Jodie-
You're NOT nuts.
In my circumstance, I didn't get nauseous, but all the hair stood up on the back of my neck when he would touch me, kiss me... it was awful. I stuck it out for six weeks for all the reasons your mom wants you to -- he was good on paper, maybe the attraction will grow on me, I've been dating jerks and he's a really good guy -- and it just got worse. When I broke it off, he called incessantly and finally threatened to sue me (long story).
I believe that we all know when something is right for us; and you can't talk yourself into it being right.
BTW, Eric - "what exactly is it about that guy that makes you not attracted to him? Is it something you can put your finger on, or not? Is he just not at all your type as far as looks go?" I think this is where that ole black magic "chemistry" comes into play. The man I am dating now is as attractive as the creepy-crawly should've-been-right-for-me guy, but I can't WAIT for him to touch me. That's why you have to actually MEET them.
Thanks everyone for taking time to respond. This whole expereince was a nightmare yesterday.
He emailed me a zillion times. He promised that if I wrote him back and told him that I didn't have any feelings at all he would leave me alone. AT which time I did. He then called me a zillion times...leaving me messages telling me that "He can't beleive I won't at least call him and tell him by voice".
For fear that he may come to my house, I reluctantly called him and told him. I told him I was angry that he put me in a place where I had to be mean. I don't want anything to do with him and I want him to leave me alone. I then hung up on him.
He then called me back and left a message..crying..pleading...and begging me not to hang up on him..not end things like this. I by this time realize that he is not going to leave me alone.
I have since blocked him, refused to take phone calls and trying to avoid him at all costs.
What really hurts in this situation is that he works closely with my brother. They are both systems engineers at Ft. Knox and sit next to each other. I don't want to cause conflict with between them. I am also getting the cold shoulder from my mother because she things I threw away a good thing.
Arghhhhh. To much drama for what it is worth.
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
Ugh, what a nightmare! Poor you! You should have kept your fatal charm in check, true!! LOL
This too shall pass -- momsie will get over her disappointment, bro and Lover Boy will keep busy with their jobs and you will find someone normal.
Jodie, that's scary!!!
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