Got dumped by my fling!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Got dumped by my fling!
37
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:25pm

Yes...he decided he had too much to do in between now and when he moves in early January, plus he'll be gone for a week at Christmas, has his son on most weekends he'll be here, etc. etc.

He was nice enough about it...but it still stung, as I just didn't see it coming. I knew we wouldn't get to spend much time together once he gave notice and had a timetable for moving in place...but I sure didn't expect that I *wouldn't* see him again. I know he's having troubles with his ex-wife and visitation and I think I was just one too many obligations (even though I was careful not to put any pressure on him). I'm upset that he couldn't just allow it to end naturally when he moved, but I'll get over it. Mostly I'm just kind of humiliated ;-)...dumped by a fling, how pathetic is THAT ;-)????

I'm sure this news will fill some posters with glee (or at least one) but hopefully the rest of you will say (as I am), well, I took a chance, we had some fun, it didn't work out the way I expected. However I have concluded that I won't be doing that again any time soon...I am just not the fling type. Yes, it was nice to have sex a couple times, but overall I wouldn't say it was worth the trade off and the huge amount of energy it took to keep my feelings in check. I knew that about myself but I thought since it had been a few years since I'd tried, maybe I'd changed enough to be ok with it. But that's not the case, so oh well.

Anyway, since most people urged me to go for it, there won't be much "I told you so", right ;-)? I'm mostly joking in light of the other post...constructive feedback is welcome, as always!

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:42pm

Getting dumped sucks no matter what. Even if it makes rational sense that it probably wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. And even if you went in with your eyes wide open, knowing that it would be a fling. It just hurts.

Your sentiments sound very familiar to this poster. You're only going to receive solidarity from me on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:43pm

The only glee I feel is that you took a chance and got a little romance in your life.

NWW, you did NOT get dumped. The end came sooner than you expected, that's all. I'm sorry you're feeling bad.

But I'm proud of you for going for it when you did, that took courage.

Onwards and upwards, girlfriend!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:51pm

Personally, I'm proud of you. You took a chance, stepped outside of your boundaries and tried something new. Try not to look at it as being dumped--you knew it had a short shelf life. When reading your post, I thought to myself how even when we go into uncontrollable situations, we always look for that control. Something I do all the time! So I can relate. But you were not dumped! Dumped is when someone rejects you. Enjoy that!


Congrats on trying something new and being willing to take a chance!


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:04pm

Yes, I also want to say that this is not a classic dumping. He ended it prematurely, but you seem to have understood that it would have been short term anyway.

When I made the decision to start sleeping with my OLD guy, I implicitly understood that this was putting things on a different trajectory for us. While I hadn't given up on the possibility, I knew (again deep in the subconscious) that we had greatly narrowed our chances for long term success by giving into our physical desires and pretty much letting them run the relationship. Understanding all of that, it still hurt when it ended because I enjoyed the connection and intimacy, even if it was with someone who wasn't the right guy for me in the end. Now that I've had a fling, I too have decided that I will not do that again. It's not worth it to me.

Anyway, you enter these trysts as a consenting adult, so there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like you didn't get something out of it, right?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:18pm

Well, it feels like he did reject me in the sense that if he really enjoyed my company as much as he says he did, he'd have figured out a way to see me a couple more times. And what guy wouldn't take the opportunity to have sex again, ya know??? Unless he thought it was bad...which I don't *think* was the case, but now I feel really insecure about it. So that's why it feels personal.

But that's an interesting point you make about control. I was prepared for it to be short, but didn't consider that he might end it before he moved. And that left me feeling blindsided and not in control.

But thanks to you and to everyone who's posted so far for the positive thoughts, I appreciate them ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:21pm

*Hugs* Sheri. I know it can feel like a rejection. But thinking from my world and how bad I am at dealing with 100 big things at once, I'm thinknig that I too would have done the same. Hell, I've done the same! LOL. I've given up guys that were nice b/c there was just too too much on my plate and I needed to focus.


It's so easy for us to go into the "it's about me" realm. But remember, it's usually not. It's usually about the other person and what they need/want/can handle.


But *hugs* again.


And you're welcome. :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 4:28pm
Hi Sheri. I haven't posted in some time due to a bunch of feelings I'vebeen trying to deal with over the past few weeks. However, I had to send you a hug. I know how you feel and you've always been so kind in giving me feedback. Even as far back as that guy from over a year ago, don't know if you remember. He came back in the picture sort of too. That's not good news. Anyway, this isn't about me. Just know others know how you feel and nobody should judge you. We've all made choices that seemed sound at the time and may not have turned out as we would have liked. I'm holding on to the belief that everyone has told me.....and that is that everyhting happens for a reason whether we understand it or not and the whole idea of destiny. I just think the holidays make things fell worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 5:52pm

I'm sorry!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 6:36pm

Ah well...at least you got some booty!!!!

Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 6:43pm

Sheri....at least you tried it and learned something from it. I would love to do something like that, but I am too *chicken*....lol.

I'm sorry it is over before you anticipated it to be. I'm sure you were no burden. He probably was feeling too close to you and needed to end it before his feelings grew...you never know.

Oh, well...onward and upward!

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