Got dumped by my fling!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Got dumped by my fling!
37
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:25pm

Yes...he decided he had too much to do in between now and when he moves in early January, plus he'll be gone for a week at Christmas, has his son on most weekends he'll be here, etc. etc.

He was nice enough about it...but it still stung, as I just didn't see it coming. I knew we wouldn't get to spend much time together once he gave notice and had a timetable for moving in place...but I sure didn't expect that I *wouldn't* see him again. I know he's having troubles with his ex-wife and visitation and I think I was just one too many obligations (even though I was careful not to put any pressure on him). I'm upset that he couldn't just allow it to end naturally when he moved, but I'll get over it. Mostly I'm just kind of humiliated ;-)...dumped by a fling, how pathetic is THAT ;-)????

I'm sure this news will fill some posters with glee (or at least one) but hopefully the rest of you will say (as I am), well, I took a chance, we had some fun, it didn't work out the way I expected. However I have concluded that I won't be doing that again any time soon...I am just not the fling type. Yes, it was nice to have sex a couple times, but overall I wouldn't say it was worth the trade off and the huge amount of energy it took to keep my feelings in check. I knew that about myself but I thought since it had been a few years since I'd tried, maybe I'd changed enough to be ok with it. But that's not the case, so oh well.

Anyway, since most people urged me to go for it, there won't be much "I told you so", right ;-)? I'm mostly joking in light of the other post...constructive feedback is welcome, as always!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 7:00pm
Awwww, Sheri! I'm sorry! Oh well, at least you had some fun and took a chance on something new. Well, on to the next one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:53am
Hey Sheri,
Well, I'm really sorry to hear that this ended prematurely for you and I can totally empathize because my last OLD relationship kinda ended the same way. I knew it was only a matter of time but I was surprised nonetheless.
Anyway, I applaud you for taking the emotional risk to begin with and you should be proud of yourself for thinking outside your box and to quote Sally "at least you got some booty!" ;P
This ending was probably for the best anyway as had this been drawn to it's anticipated conclusion you would have been that much more emotionally invested and it could possibly have been really awkward.
Take care,
Michele
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Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 9:35am

Sheri,

I'm sorry, too. Rejection is rejection & it sucks, even if it was just a fling & you expected it to end soon anyway. Sounds like it wasn't about you, anyway, so chin up & get back in the saddle. I second what someone said about at least you were getting laid. LOL!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:59pm

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better this morning...it didn't hurt that a ghost reappeared and invited me to go on a dinner cruise for NYE with him (nice for the ego). I'm not expecting that it'll lead to anything but if he wants to take me out on an expensive, fun date with dinner and dancing for NYE I'm not going to say no!

Yes, I did get some...but only twice, LOL! I was expecting that it would happen at least a couple more times, so that is part of my disappointment at him ending it prematurely.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 1:54pm

Well, had you done it two more times perhaps you would have gotten "more attached" so this might be better to be hurt now rather than later. Plus, timing is everything - now you have a NYE date with someone LOCAL, you never know.......might turn into something,smiles

Good luck with that and in a week you'll feel better.

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 5:34pm

This probably had nothing to do with you. If I had some baby momma drama and a move coming up, I doubt that I could fit in a date with an utterly fantastic available woman (Hypothetically speaking, I don't swing that way.)

I am sure got something from this interaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 5:45pm

hugggggggggggggs NWW

Understand how you feel. Rejection Is REjection no matter how you look at it.. but honestly you enjoyed eachother's time while you could and you got something out of it. it's hard not to take it personal but you already knew this was going to happen at some point it is just that it happened sooner you wonder if it was something you did, but honestly it probably was just too much for him too w/ all he had going on..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 9:06am

Sheri, I second all the hugs and "awwww" messages from the other posters.

I am going ahead with my 'fling' with the much younger man (MYM??) too but with great trepidation ... (I'll post about that on the May-December board if anyone is interested) I see it this way, and maybe it will help you.

It seems to me in the almost 6 years I've been on my own now that the collection of men who have come into (and out of) my life have each taught me something and brought me to greater realization about who I am and what I want and need. I am not a religious person but I think the *universe* puts things and people in our path for some reason and we are supposed to reach some understanding from each one.

For example, my last BF was such a glass-half-empty type that I now appreciate optimism and playfulness much more in all of my acquaintances, and realize that I need that in a partner. I would not have seen that with such clarity before.

I think we are poorer in spirit when we turn away from experiences just because they might hurt us at some point. I tend to throw myself into situations too quickly but never regret the intensity of how I feel. All of those feelings and memories are part of who I am now.

You have learned something about yourself from this man, even if it's only which qualities in him attracted you, or that you cannot have a relationship without a sense of potential permanence. (you may have known that before, but now you REALLY know it.) Take that away from it. And I think it's AMAZING that you got a NYE date so quickly afterward! I haven't had a real NYE date for like 10 years! Even when I was married...(to a musician, which sucked.)

All the best, sisterfriend!

Sposa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 9:24am

To have the guy end things, no matter what the circumstances or timetable always hurts. Has happened to me way too many times. However, with that said, that is why I cannot do casual sex. While others maybe can without getting their emotions tangled up with it all, I am just not that resilient in bouncing back when things end.

On another note, does anyone wonder WHY guys with too much on their plate even try to date anyone, even for a short period of time? If someone is in the process of moving, changing jobs, or dealing with ex-wife issues that are wrecking havoc with their stability, why add to the mix by involving someone they know they aren't ready for? I'm sure there are women who might do this as much as men, but it's almost like they're playing with fire and the other person always ends up burned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 9:27am

Aw, that sucks.

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