Got dumped by my fling!
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| Sat, 12-10-2005 - 1:25pm |
Yes...he decided he had too much to do in between now and when he moves in early January, plus he'll be gone for a week at Christmas, has his son on most weekends he'll be here, etc. etc.
He was nice enough about it...but it still stung, as I just didn't see it coming. I knew we wouldn't get to spend much time together once he gave notice and had a timetable for moving in place...but I sure didn't expect that I *wouldn't* see him again. I know he's having troubles with his ex-wife and visitation and I think I was just one too many obligations (even though I was careful not to put any pressure on him). I'm upset that he couldn't just allow it to end naturally when he moved, but I'll get over it. Mostly I'm just kind of humiliated ;-)...dumped by a fling, how pathetic is THAT ;-)????
I'm sure this news will fill some posters with glee (or at least one) but hopefully the rest of you will say (as I am), well, I took a chance, we had some fun, it didn't work out the way I expected. However I have concluded that I won't be doing that again any time soon...I am just not the fling type. Yes, it was nice to have sex a couple times, but overall I wouldn't say it was worth the trade off and the huge amount of energy it took to keep my feelings in check. I knew that about myself but I thought since it had been a few years since I'd tried, maybe I'd changed enough to be ok with it. But that's not the case, so oh well.
Anyway, since most people urged me to go for it, there won't be much "I told you so", right ;-)? I'm mostly joking in light of the other post...constructive feedback is welcome, as always!
Sheri

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I'm close to your age, and I have had some of the same thought processes as what you're talking about. Because I want something long-term, I don't have the reserves in me to spend energy on guys I know would never be long-term. That is why I don't like blind dates...I've never had one yet that turned out to be anything more than a one-time thing, and I honestly didn't want to see them again anyway. They have all been huge disappointments.
Even with meeting someone who "might" possibly turn into something long-term, it has never panned out. Thus, my taking a hiatus from OLD--at least to the degree of not paying subscription fees. It was quite liberating to get the last word in with Guy #2 (hunter/biker guy) who broke my heart badly back in August. But, for me, being alone is not quite as bad as being with the wrong guy. Yes, I get lonely, and yes I long for some physical intimacy (which I haven't had in a very long time now), but it isn't worth the heartache and pain involved with a fling or something that I know is short-term.
Count me in as being one of those mid 40 year old women who are experiencing the same questions to myself. Am I going to find what I want. I do meet a lot of men through online dating but I'm rarely interested in any of them. The one I was very interested in told a little white lie about something and I think we're just going to be friends. I would consider giving him another chance but the lwl makes me think he's not too into me.....
Ugh...so frustrating. I had a meetup tonight and there was just no spark again...
I think this is an interesting turn for this thread, no disrespect to Sheri's obvious sadness.
I have thought for a long time that I wanted to get married again -- then recently finally feel like I've come to terms with that not happening. Of course, that was when I met this much younger (I'm 48, he's 28) guy and started spending time with him.
It's made me re-evaluate my goal in this way -- it's not a SITUATION (i.e. marriage) that I'm looking for, it's a PERSON to spend some of my time with. Of course, knowing this lovely thing going on between us would last forever would be really nice. But honestly, finding someone you're comfortable and relaxed and happy around, and with whom you have terrific chemistry, and who feels the same way about you, is so rare. We sit up all night and talk about music and the universe. We share interest in technology and cooking. When was the last time you sat in front of a fireplace with a guy holding your hand? I can't even remember if I've ever had that.
It seems clear to me that it can't last forever, and we both are struggling with how to define it and what the boundaries are. But as a woman in my (late) 40s in a relatively small city, working out of my home, with a small child, the subset of people I can really meet and/or spend time with is limited. If this guy was my age, he would be absolutely perfect for me. He's not. So does the absence of long-term potential mean I deny myself the pleasure of his company? I am thinking no. At least this week...
SO I'll throw out that question. Would my peers on this board turn down the chance for a relationship if the person was compatible in every way except the marriage one?
Do you mean the absence of marriage as an option, or the absence of committed LTR potential altogether? I could see *maybe* foregoing marriage if the other person had really strong views against it and they were reasons I could at least understand...then maybe I could be ok with a serious, committed LTR without marriage. But an indefinite casual relationship with no committed LTR potential? No...at this point I'm not willing to settle for that. That MAY change...but I'm not yet there yet and I have stopped seeing at least one man I really liked for that reason (which was the right decision for that situation, as I think I've posted about before).
But I understand the appeal, I really do. I just haven't given up hope yet that I will meet someone I like, etc. but who also wants the same things I do in a relationship.
As I was writing this, I realized that part of the reason I'm not ready to give up yet is fear...what if I meet someone I like who just wants something casual, it ends up lasting for a couple years...and then by the time I get over that and am ready to meet someone *else*, I'm not 47 anymore but 50 or older...and it's even *harder* to find someone. Of course, that could happen with someone who *does* want a commitment, but I'd rather take the risk with someone who does than someone who doesn't, if that makes any sense.
Sheri
That's a hard question to answer. I've always had this strange attraction for men younger than me, but I will be honest that someone 28 would be a no no for me. The age difference would be too great for me to seriously think of a dating relationship with someone that much younger.
I also live in a smaller town (less than 20,000) where a lot of people seem to know your business. I simply couldn't handle the gossip that the age spread would spark. And while I think there's nothing wrong with having friends of all ages, I would probably not put myself in a situation where I knew it could not develop into something long-term. Maybe that's the difference between me and some women. It is hard for me to take the "live for the moment" attitude because if I see no real potential for anything long-term (even if marriage is not what I'm after), I usually will not get involved. However, I hope things work out somehow with this situation and that neither of you get hurt.
I have been married and divorced.
I would like to get married again, however if I found someone I clicked with and marriage wasn't a huge thing for him, I would be okay with having a relationship with him that did NOT include marriage. But it would have to include children.
The one thing that makes this younger guy thing truly unworkable is that I'm not having any more kids and he probably wants them, though not for several years. I have one, and that's all I wanted, even if it wasn't medically unlikely. Believe it or not -- and I wouldn't have -- we have a lot in common in terms of interests, personalities, philosophy, and such. I try not to think about him being born when I was a junior in college....
He's really brainy and I have found that smart younger men are not as threatened by smart women as some men my own age. And maybe because the stakes didn't seem so high to begin with, I have always been very comfortable talking to him about anything and just being myself, not worrying about whether I was doing the right thing dating wise.
Now I feel like I hijacked this thread. I'll start another one later if it seems appropriate...
Sposa
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