Great first date- update

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Great first date- update
12
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:38pm

So I've gone out with that gal 4 or 5 times now, and it's still going quite well. We get along really well, she's a good kisser, and we seem to... I dunno, just "fit" each other. Even though I'm about a foot taller. :)

Not super serious yet, but I'm not really pursuing anyone via OLD either. We haven't formally said we are only going to date each other but I think we both kind of have that expectation.

Now the only downside is that I have to write a couple of gals that I WAS about to first-meet and say that I don't want to. :( Ah well, better that than ghosting on them, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:52pm

Oh, oh. Did you miss all those other posts that cautioned, over and over again, *it aint exclusive until two people say it is, out loud*?

You don't really know her expectations, you are assuming (hoping) they match your own. Dangerous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:55pm

I thought we weren't supposed to put our eggs all in one basket so soon. I never follow that rule either even though I *know* it's smart!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:06pm
This sounds great!! Someone has to take the risk with exclusivity and I think it's always better that they guy make the step first. If you don't want to see other women, you don't have to. In fact, I think it's smart that you're not. Focus on her at this time to see if things progress. You don't have to have the conversation yet, but if you start seeing other women, then you're a) wasting their time, and b) possibly keeping yourself from developing further feelings for this one. If everyone waited for the other person to initiate exclusivity, no one would get there. I hope it all works out for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:17am

HI NG,

I say go for it...but keep thine eyes wide open, Grasshopper. Look for signs that she is not exactly where you 'are' in this...(I would use the "same page" analogy, but after Insurance/Hallmark guy, I loathe that one! ) If you do not feel like going out with the other women, DO be the Man that I know you are, and write a nice note that says you are not going to pursue their company at this time, but thank you. No need to 4-1-1, just say 'bye' politely.

Case in point: I had the same thing from a wink I sent about 2 months ago. He chose not "burn" that bridge and wrote the same I mentioned, above, to me. Cool--the Truth, at last! Aiight! So, guess who I get an email from Sunday night? Yep--that guy. He wrote: "I would like to get to know you better. Thank you for your original wink, I did go on to see someone for a time, but that has ended now". I wrote back: "Nice to hear from you, thank you for your honesty". Hey, Starting with honesty is Rare and Wonderful on OLD, si? Now we have written back and forth 3 or 4 times since then, and we will see what happens....

BEST o luck with this girl, and my offer to whip her assets with my kickboxing skills, if she hurts you, stands!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:30am

Well, perhaps I put it badly. We did talk about it; we just didn't say it in terms of expectations from the OTHER person.

We were snuggling (I almost typed "cuddling") on the couch watching a movie. (She made dinner- good cook, and one of those people who can just start throwing stuff into a pot and it works.) We talked about this and that, and I said that I casually was seeing two gals, her and another, but that I didn't think I was going to do that any more.

She agreed and said that she just didn't like to date more than one guy, and that right now I was the only one she was seeing and that she was definitely not looking for others (both of us have had our profile down for some time.)

Soooo... it wasn't "okay, let's only date each other" but at the same time it was pretty clear that's where both of us are at, if that makes sense.

Is it too soon? Yeah, probably. What the heck- gotta make a leap sooner or later, and from the first date we've been very comfy with each other. I've only had that feeling a couple of times before in my life and it worked out very well each of those times, so I'm going to run with it. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:51am

woohoo. you still haven't dished on her, whats she like? what she do? what does she look like? All the girl Qs... i wanna know! I havent been here in awhile and as you noticed my emails have been sparse lately

i think its COOL. Exclusivity does not mean a full blown relationship. Its the in between to slow down and see if that person would make a good fit.

the eggs in one basket is ONLY if one of the two people isn't into dating exclusively. also i agree w/ poster that said its better when guy wants to make that first step to exclusivity.

good luck w/ this one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:59am

I think it's great that things are coming along so well for you and the new lady in your life.

You said, "...Now the only downside is that I have to write a couple of gals that I WAS about to first-meet and say that I don't want to. :( Ah well, better that than ghosting on them, right?..." I think that's nice that you are going to email the other ladies. Yes it's much better than ghosting on them!

This guy and I were in the transition stage between emailing and the first meet, but we hadn't set up a concrete meeting date when I received an email from him saying we couldn't meet. I had been off OLD for a month or two and he had emailed me and I was very attracted to him, and thinking his profile was great and he had many things that I was looking for, I had started up my membership again mainly to talk to him.

In his email, he stated that he had started dating a girl, as we were starting our emailing to eachother, and he felt that it wasn't fair to her to meet with me at this time, yet that he was very intrigued and attracted to me and that he was sorry about the circumstances and the timing. He apologized and said that he hoped I understood. He seemed sincere. So rather than saying he didn't want to meet with me he said the "not fair to her" thing, which made me think more positively of his personality.

I thought his email was very nice, so I emailed him back and said that I was disappointed, but that I thought it was very nice of him to be like that and that I thought she was a lucky girl, and I wished him the best of luck with everything. He emailed me back and said he was happy that I understood and he wished me some luck also in my dating endeavors.

Well, I was going to end it at that, but the "some" luck he had said just had me laughing, so I had to email him back and I said that I noticed his "some" luck, but thanked him for the "some" luck and he had my email and "you never know what the future holds....".

All of these emails happened within a day and he sent another one and said he had to be honest and that he didn't want me to have too much luck...since we never know what the future holds... It was short and to the point, but I know things usually do not work with the OLD, so I figured I might still hear from him, which I did in a week and he wanted to know how I was, that he had been thinking of me, and would I be interested in meeting him still. He also said he'd understand if I didn't want to. I could have felt like second choice, but knowing how OLD moves along, I figured I'd give it a chance.

I asked if he was seeing his lady still and he said no it didn't work out, so I met him a few times and there was attraction and chemistry there, but he drank a little too much for me. I'm a social drinker but he put away 3 beers in a very short amount of time.

But I guess the reason I am telling you this story is that I thought this guy's honesty was very nice and it did lead to us meeting eventually. I haven't been on this board very long, but you seem like a nice guy and I think you will handle your emails to your prospective ladies just fine. I'm not saying it won't work for you and the new lady, but being nice to the others can be a good thing also, in case......

But I am happy for you and hope that things work out well with the new lady. But I also agree with what one of the other posters said about not assuming exclusivity. I have been seeing a guy about a month now and we are at this tricky stage and neither one of us has mentioned it yet - but I think it's coming soon.

Best of luck to you!
Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 1:13am

Ok, I posted before I read that you two had discussed not seeing other people, cool! That's nice that it was rather casual and just happened. So she kisses, snuggles, cooks, and converses well; and you're very comfy with eachother from the beginning...sounds pretty good...

You said, "...I've only had that feeling a couple of times before in my life and it worked out very well each of those times, so I'm going to run with it..." I trust my feelings very much and am usually right when I don't go against them. I think you are right to trust yours also and just see where it leads... you never know! Keep us posted.

Best of luck!
Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:09am

Hey NGOL,

Glad to hear things seem to be moving in the right direction for you. Sounds like a really nice girl. Remember that no matter what happens it's nice to have some good experiences from time-to-time to keep your morale up. I hope things continue to go well for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 1:50pm
Eric, it's really nice to have you back. I hope you have some good experiences soon.

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