Guy Need Help Understanding Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Guy Need Help Understanding Girl
10
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 12:00pm

Ok ladies, help me out. I will give you plenty of info so you can have the full picture. I think I know women pretty well, but this one has me a bit confused.

I'm 38; she's 33; both divorced once. I am a financially successful, descent looking guy, well built/muscular, great dresser - a little bit metrosexual; think Jeremy Piven with glasses (not a hunk, but not bad) - I would give myself a 6 to 7. She is very attractive, by anyone's standards, at least an 8 to 9 on the 10 scale.

We met online (Match.Com). We had a lunch date (met there). I asked her to a dinner date (I picked her up); spent 3 hours together; good time. Next 'date', I invited her to hear a band I'm friends with. We were just meeting for that, and she brought her Mom by to meet me (she told me her Mom said 'I was a good one'. I passed the Mom test. Lastly, a couple nights ago we went to a great concert together (Rob Thomas). BTW, she gave me a picture of herself before the date. On the way back she brought up me taking her to a banquet/ball a couple of weeks from now. She has initiated emails and calls with me between dates. Sounds like it's going really good, right?

Here is my massive confusion. I don't touch a woman until she initiates it in some way. You girls grab my arms (I have large biceps), give that big smile like "gosh I'm so glad to be with you right now". This woman has occasionally touched me, rested her arm on my shoulder for two seconds once while we were in the car, but that's about it. No, I haven't tried to kiss her; it just hasn't felt right. I date a lot; I kiss on first dates if it's right; I'm not a shy guy. I can tell when a woman wants me to kiss her. She has talked about a couple of 'experiences' in the past, so I know she's not a prude or just totally shy. We've talked about future stuff, likes/dislikes. If I bring something up that a girl might would think would 'disqualify' her as serious material (for me) she covers her bases. For example, I scuba dive. She said that she's not sure she would want to try that, but she would be happy hanging out on the beach or boat while I did that. Make sense?

But something is just weird here, and I can't put my finger on it. My gut tells me she just doesn't have emotion for me in a 'sexual' way (because I haven't gotten those glowing eyes too many times or been touched), but on the other side, she sees all of my great qualities and is afraid to let me get away. Is she just hanging around to see if she can fall in love with me??? Or is she just taking it REALLY slow because she met someone online (and maybe since we have so much in common - it seems too good to be true). She told me I'm the first guy online that she has really dated. She's made contact with a couple, but I'm the first to go out with more than once, and I'm the first that she has given directions to her house, etc...

So, do I need to give this more time, or he she just killing time with me until someone better comes along? Please ladies, be brutally honest.

Jeff

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 12:09pm

Well, I personally would not feel comfortable "grabbing" a guy or otherwise hitting him over the head with signals that I want to be kissed...I would be much more subtle, like she is being, and if the guy didn't make the first move, I would back off rather than increase my signals, because I would think he wasn't interested in ME that way.

I say kiss her at the end of the next date, and see what happens.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:07pm

Hi Jeff...

Well, I read what you wrote and you seem like a really great guy! Where do you live by the way?? It is hard finding good guys! Anyways, I think that maybe you should give her a little more time. Why don't you just try and see what happens if you make the first move? Maybe hold her hand and see what happens.

When I am on a first or second date, if the chemistry is there, I let him know that I would be interested in a kiss or hand holding..

Let me know your thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:22pm

Sheri - you always give such great advice!

Where are you located by the way if you don't mind me asking?

My personal e-mail address is palmdesertgirl2003@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:52pm

<<<<<<>>>>>

My question to you would be, Do you want to kiss her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:29pm


Of course I want to kiss her. I'm not into being pushy with someone who needs or wants me to take it slow though. This girl is special, and I don't want to mess anything up.

Do you think that just because I want to, I should try? I'm getting lots of signals that she likes me from a non-physical way, but the physical signs I normally get are nil. Do you have any other thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:38pm

Well, a good test would be to give her a quick peck on the cheek....see if she pulls away. If she does, I would think you have your answer. If she doesn't pull away, go for it. OR

I had a guy get right up in my face and said "I'm going to kiss you" Course I let him because I was very attracted to him and the way he said it blew me away! Hee hee

Maybe she's waiting for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 5:23pm
Try holding her hand, putting your hand on the small of your back while walking, things like that.
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 5:52pm
My guess is that she doesn't know how to read you. She probably expects you to make the first move. She probably thinks she is clearly showing interest. Go for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:26pm


Fair enough. I asked her out again for this Friday night; dinner and a movie (Shopgirl). We're on.

So, you ladies are telling me she's just choosing not to be pushy, and that all the other signals should tell me she likes me. I've dated a variety of ladies over the past 5 years, and this one is the first not to give me physical signals that she's into me.

Just when I think I've seen it all... :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:50pm
Maybe her style is just different. If she continues to accept dates with you then she's into you. I definitly prefer that the guy make the first move on the first kiss. Like the other poster, I've had guys get right up in my face and say "I'd really like to kiss you right now". I love that because I can be a bit shy about it at first. Women like to know that they are desired.
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